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Post by leila on Jun 16, 2009 18:15:45 GMT -5
I just found this site and I love it. My husband of 2 years has 2 kids from his ex girlfriend, he pays child support and has taken them every other weekend for a year even tho we had no custody order in place. In Feb. we stopped taking the kids because she refused to pick up the kids several times. His mom was dying of cancer in the hospital and she wouldn't come get the kids. the day we made funeral arrangements she was 2 hours late picking them up. Recently his child support has been lowered, she is mad, constantly calling telling us we are blowing the kids off. We went to mediation, we wanted to put a 50/50 visitation schedule in place but she now refuses to sign unless we take the kids for 2 weeks without an agreement in place... she now has asked that we sign so the kids can have passports as she wants to go on "vacation" out of the country...I feel like she is extorting us. she has threatened not to let us see them at all. she constantly calls us, and EVERYONE in his family and EVEN some of my family saying how awful we are. She started going to church where some of my his and family members attend... I suspect its just so she can get invited to family gatherings...I can't believe this... I feel like I'm being stalked. I'm so sick of it... i want to give up... is there a way to make her stop? we have done everything thru court (child support and mediation) since she has been underhanded and she is trying to get at us anyway she can. I can't believe how hard she tries to get invited to family gatherings, neither me or my husband want her there but she has no shame, self-respect or pride... she showed up to church on easter and memorial day to get invited to family gatherings...who would want to go somewhere that you're not wanted. our family feels sorry for her and say she is crazy, but they really feel bad for the kids and she does a good job of acting like a victim. The kids are the reason they end up inviting her over. what can i do? Saturday my cousin is having a party and she added all of our family to her facebook and I have a feeling she will show up at this party... I'm frustrated... can I get a restraining order... she won't go away! Why do I care so much?
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Post by ty1981 on Jun 16, 2009 18:54:14 GMT -5
You shouldn't care so much. You can't stop her form getting her Jesus on...even if it is an act...you can only control how you react to it. She's not really stalking you unless you count the phone calls to you phones. Those peopl have to cut her out of their lives...if they don't you have a choice to either stop going to the events...or suck it up.
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Post by jaylady999 on Jun 16, 2009 18:57:30 GMT -5
You shouldn't care so much. You can't stop her form getting her Jesus on
Ty, you are nuts ;D
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Post by ty1981 on Jun 16, 2009 19:03:02 GMT -5
I know right!!!
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Post by leila on Jun 16, 2009 19:17:52 GMT -5
ha ha no... I don't wanna stop her from gettin her jesus on. ur right...i want her to go to church... she needs it. I just want her to stop trying to hang out with his family... i feel like she just shows her stupid face there to gain sympathy and they all think she is crazy but feel sorry for the kids. Almost like she is incapable of finding her own friends and family... I feel like she is just trying to make a point by keep coming around... I would never take my new hubby to my ex's family house... there is such a thing called boundaries... and scruples... she doesn't have any... I would just like her to stay out of our lives, she always wants to be in our face, in our business. I don't want to see her at MY family gatherings? Easter? come on? She needs to get on... but she won't!
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Post by ty1981 on Jun 16, 2009 19:18:58 GMT -5
But you don't get to decide that if they keep on inviting her....like I said don't go or suck it up.
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Post by leila on Jun 16, 2009 19:45:06 GMT -5
I feel like I have no choice.... Either I want to spend time with my family... or I go and be uncomfortable.. easier said than done with sucking it up... What I really want to do is beat the stuffin out of her so she will think twice bout coming around when we clearly don't want her too... If I were her I would be embarassed to show my mug somewhere I knew peeps didn't want me.. but I can't do anything like that..don't want to jeopardize our chances with the kids. Although her moving outta state would be nice  |
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Post by jaylady999 on Jun 16, 2009 19:49:19 GMT -5
Question for ya. How long has she been in your man's life? Not that it makes a difference, but I am just wondering.
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Post by leila on Jun 16, 2009 19:59:30 GMT -5
7 years? I been dealing with her for 2 1/2.... she used to call me and say nasty things over the phone and leave me messages... because she wanted my man back but now that we are married... she just bugs about the kids but doesn't seem to want him back now... maybe deep down she does... we have been totally cool to her taking the kids even tho we had no agrmt in place... her support payments would have been cut if the court knew how much we took them... but she burned us so we stopped taking the kids.... he still pays his child support... My worry is im starting to not want to take the kids anymore at all if I have to deal with her trifflin @$$.... too much drama... i would rather just him pay the support and have our own kids.... she didn't seem to appreciate our efforts...  |
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Post by MsKokamo on Jun 16, 2009 20:50:32 GMT -5
CBM dont know what appreciation is. Why is she being invited to stuff on YOUR familys side? Being invited is one thing, showing up just because she got wind of it is another. Which one is she doing? If she's being invited, you and DH should talk to the family members doing the inviting and tell them how you guys feel about it. DH can bring his own kids around his own family without them inviting BM. If they decide not to listen, like Ty said, your option is to not show up. If the family members doesnt care about you and DHs concerns, why be around them anyways?
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Post by jaylady999 on Jun 16, 2009 20:59:09 GMT -5
Speaking as the single BM with no life who had no problems showing up at family events (early on when I had no man in my life), I will keep my mouth  |
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Post by MsKokamo on Jun 16, 2009 21:20:30 GMT -5
Girl go ahead and talk cause she been MaRried to DH for 2.5 years. Enough of BM
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Post by leila on Jun 17, 2009 13:45:56 GMT -5
Im new to this site, what does DH stand for? My hubbys aunt is married to my uncle... so we have cousins that are mutual... related thru marriage.. not blood...
so she has been showing up at my cuzins church and they invite her to stuff cuz of the kids... she knows we aren't comfortable with her coming to our family functions but there is no shame in her game, she shows up anyways. Seriously we don't want to hang around her. She still tries to act like part of the family, only 2 of my cuzins are sidebusting like this.. they like the drama... ur sooooo rite, I am not gonna go to that stuff no more.... BM has a boyfriend and that dumb dude shows up with her... If my man tried to take me to his ex family house I would tell him no way in Hell i was going... hells no.... but this chick from what i gather, still thinks this is a competition and wants to be where we are... ugh...
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Post by jaylady999 on Jun 17, 2009 14:23:22 GMT -5
DH= Dear Husband
I dont think her actions are bad, but the motives behind them definitely are. I've been the one who has taken my husband to a family function of BD, but they(BDs family as well as BD) have welcomed him with open arms. I dont make a habit of it, but the event that I went to was a once in a lifetime(BDs grandmothers 75th bday party) and we (both DH and I) and my mama, aunt, and sister were all there. My intent was not to make anyone uncomfy, it was out of the genuine love I have for BDs family. It had nothing to do with my son(other than the fact that this is why we are so close). But I would have been there whether my child was there or not.
We had my father a surprise 60th bday banquet and BD was there with some random chick, but our son wasnt there, there were no kids there.
When BD had his housewarming party, first new house for him, I didnt go, but my mother and aunt went and they bought some things for DSs new room there.
When BDs mom passed, my ENTIRE family was there, no ifs ands or butts. Up until just recently, BD and I had a pretty good relationship and our families have always been in touch for special events, not on an everyday basis.
BM in your sitch it doesnt appear to be that way. It seems she is doing it out of malice. But what I dont understand is if the fam doesnt want her there, why are they allowing her there? For the kids?
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Post by Mia on Sept 25, 2024 12:00:11 GMT -5
Honestly your situation sounds sooo much like DH and my situation - he and his BM were never together but had my now step daughter - BM thought that she had a free meal ticket in life because my in laws are well-off and they also help a lot and are very involved in the community. They're always doing fun things and having family gatherings! BM had no connection to DH's family since they weren't ever in a relationship yet she added them all on Facebook and seemed to force interaction with them. She'd also demand to be invited to all of DH's family gatherings and tried to dictate when I (his own wife and at the time fiance) could or could not show up - this included holidays like Christmas and even public church events at which DH, my in laws, and myself are members. I definitely think she tried to shove herself into our family because she didn't have her own village and didn't make efforts to find one. She was also very good at playing victim and played the young, single mom card as often as she could (even though she's only a couple years younger than me LOL). My in laws used to invite her over in the past but solely to see my step daughter and to make those memories with her - BM would refuse to have my step daughter at family functions if she wasn't invited as well (even though she has no issues with my in laws taking my step daughter and DH and my "ours baby" to non-family outings such as the zoo etc). It would have made much more sense to me (still inappropriate but makes sense) if say she and DH had been married or engaged or even together for a long time so that she NATURALLY had developed close relationships to his family. But the fact that they weren't ever exclusively together and she was trying to get invited to all family events has me floored - we honestly just had to come to the conclusion that we won't be seeing that much of my step daughter because she was and is so high-conflict that it didn't even become worth it for us or DH's family to deal with her. My in laws still see my step daughter on occasion but as for my step daughter truly being a part of our family (random BBQs, family vacations, birthdays, holidays, random gatherings etc), sadly that won't happen for the foreseeable future - not until BM grows up and understands her place in the entire situation. Some of his family members and my in laws still do a joint birthday party for my step daughter to which BM is invited but she was disrespectful to my name in front of them and once she had left they all told me how entitled she is....my father in law is in favor of not inviting her to the house again but I definitely do not begrudge her the one time a year she gets to be at a small family gathering. She has caused nothing but drama and chaos and not only stripped DH of parenting rights but also lied about not working so as to get more child support per month. Luckily I found evidence of her working so our payments have been drastically lowered - hoping she finds her own happiness so she can leave us alone.
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