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Post by mrznixon on Nov 20, 2009 21:34:08 GMT -5
what is the best way to Discipline a child when they lie about stuff or do something wrong.
I always got the hell beat out of me until i was about 17 years old, and didn't like that one bit. and know that beating a child really does no good.
So please give me examples of how to handle this type of situations??
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Post by Tellit on Nov 20, 2009 21:59:03 GMT -5
Your child? What ever works best for you depending on the age of the child. Time out, spanking, beating, loss of privileges.
Your stepchild? Let the BD handle the discipline. It is less messy that way.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 21, 2009 11:19:03 GMT -5
I agree Tellit.
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Post by MsKokamo on Nov 21, 2009 16:46:41 GMT -5
Agreed that stepchild is DHs arena...I just tell him and he handles it
BioKids I say beat em. Not literally but appropriately, you know when you crossed the line btwn a beating and a whoopin. The. Bible says spare the rod, spoil the child...
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Post by mrznixon on Nov 21, 2009 19:43:31 GMT -5
she doesn't fell like a stepchild at all, and we have custody of her now and her mother has no visitation or anything. I dont work so im home with her all day long and DH works 8-10 hours a day and this child is getting a little besides her self knowing that i wont do anything to her. and its just getting on my last nerve because she old enough to know right from wrong. By the time DH gets home she sleep and sometimes he is gone by the time she wakes up.
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ayzha
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by ayzha on Nov 22, 2009 0:44:16 GMT -5
Well given the details regarding your scenario, I would say that you are her mom. How old is your SD? Have you spoken to your DH about it? I have a SS that lives with us full time. I discipline him the way that I feel that is needed if he were my bio child. I am all that he knows as a mom so he must respect me that way. With my SS that is now 2.5 years that does not live with me, I will leave that up to my SO. At the current time my SO and BM are not even really discipling because they said that he does not have an understanding of what he is doing unless he wets himself. My SO said that once he is 3 yrs then he will get the same discipline as my 5yr old SS. I will say that when incidents arise in the future and both boys are of age of discipline, I will make the rules the same when both boys are present. I dont want for my SS5 to feel that he gets a spanking and his brother doesnt especially if they were acting up the same way. But when SS5 is with me along, I will discipline as usually. Kids catch on to stuff like that but I dont want to throw a wedge between the two boys due to my differences in discilpine.
It is also very important that you SO is on the same level as far as how he wants the child to be disciplines because if the child is aware that running to her dad will save her and cause drama between the two of you, she may do that for her own benefit. That is not good. Any disagreements regarding the method of punishment should be kept private and not argued in front of the child. My SO has no issues with my disciplining SS5 as I see fit. It is helping him to be a better child altogether. My SO always has my back and sometimes even jumps in to see exactly what the problem is and reinforces what I have to say. We are a united front to my SS5 and he has learned that he cant come to me with something that dad said no to or vice versa. I may not be a bio mom but I am respected as so in my household. One thing that I will do is speak to SS2 as I would his brother anytime. They both must clean up their toys and not play in certain areas of the house. SS2 listens to me for the most part as he is still a baby so I am also training him to respect my authority in my house as well.
Best thing to do is talk to your SO because he is not going to back you up then there is really no point of discipline. He needs to understand that you are full time stepmom and need to be respected by your sd in some way that you two agree upon.
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Post by mcken on Nov 24, 2009 10:59:12 GMT -5
I spank my step children just enough so that they know im not playing. A good slap on the leg, a good pop, whatever it is that has to be done to let them know that Im not serious. Mine are very young..another thing I do is that I completely ignore them. They will always look to you as not being there mom but they will indeed develop a love for you. You may spoil them and do things for them out of the kindness of your heart. Ignore their requests for a while, act like they arent talking to you. When I do it to our 2 year old now, shell say "Im sorry" hug me, and I wont have anymore problems for a while. When you do that it sort of send a message like " I do this because I love you, not because I have to"
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Post by MCKEN on Nov 24, 2009 11:00:25 GMT -5
*IM NOT PLAYING** I MEANT
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 11:05:52 GMT -5
I spank my step children just enough so that they know im not playing. A good slap on the leg, a good pop, whatever it is that has to be done to let them know that Im not serious.
WHOA! As a BM, if I ever found out you physically laid one hand on my child, I am calling the Cops. You have no right to put your hands on anyone's children but your own.
Mine are very young..another thing I do is that I completely ignore them. They will always look to you as not being there mom but they will indeed develop a love for you. You may spoil them and do things for them out of the kindness of your heart. Ignore their requests for a while, act like they arent talking to you.
I personally think this is horrible.
When I do it to our 2 year old now, shell say "Im sorry" hug me, and I wont have anymore problems for a while. When you do that it sort of send a message like " I do this because I love you, not because I have to"
Wow.
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Post by MCKEN on Nov 24, 2009 14:58:57 GMT -5
excuse me if you took this the wrong way...but I have permission to do so there would be no police calling. My SO and I have discussed it and agreed that it is okay. I will continue to do as I do, you may say wow whatever it is that works. It is also different for every child you dont know what these kids come from at home. No structure, no disclipline, no anything. THey go to daycare in the morning, get picked up, eat mcdonalds and go to sleep. I ask the oldest and she tells me all the time. I also talk to her on the phone 2 times a week. Its always the same thing. When they are with me, I read to them before they go to bed, do there hair (which their mother does not do), and care for them like my own. No child will ever run my house. If your child is well behaved then thats good, there would never be a need for anything like that. I know what works for these kids Ive been in their lives for over half of their lives. Thank you
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 15:06:13 GMT -5
excuse me if you took this the wrong way...but I have permission to do so there would be no police calling.
You have permission from who? Your SO? Cuz I am willing to bet you dont have BMs permission to hit her child.
My SO and I have discussed it and agreed that it is okay.
Yep, what I thought. And not that my BD would ever consent to anyone hitting his child aside from me or him, if he did, I'd still call the police and since the laws today dont even want kids own parents handing down corporal punishment, trust, something would be done about it.
I will continue to do as I do, you may say wow whatever it is that works. It is also different for every child you dont know what these kids come from at home. No structure, no disclipline, no anything.
Doesnt matter. I'd leave the spanking to the PARENT.
THey go to daycare in the morning, get picked up, eat mcdonalds and go to sleep. I ask the oldest and she tells me all the time. I also talk to her on the phone 2 times a week.
Okay?
Its always the same thing. When they are with me, I read to them before they go to bed, do there hair (which their mother does not do), and care for them like my own.
Thats fine, but you seem to forget, THEY.ARE.NOT.YOUR.OWN. No matter how much you do for them or how much you think their mother is lacking, they are still not your children.
No child will ever run my house.
Funny, I've never ever laid a hand on my skids in 8 years and yet somehow they still dont run my house. Punishment, fine. But hitting another person's child is disgraceful IMO. But thats just my opinion.
If your child is well behaved then thats good, there would never be a need for anything like that. I know what works for these kids Ive been in their lives for over half of their lives. Thank you
I've been in my skids lives since they were 1 and 3 and they are 9 and 11 now. I still cant fathom laying a hand on either of them.
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Post by MCKEN on Nov 24, 2009 15:11:38 GMT -5
I have talked to her about disciplining. Matter of fact, she has called me because she cannot control them. I understand that they are not my own, Im not trying to take that title from her by any means, but I will do for them as my own since they are my skids. You are definately entitled to your own opinion and that fine, glad your method works for you. Mine works for me just fine. Thanks
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 15:13:09 GMT -5
Oh, you are very welcome.  |
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Post by MCKEN on Nov 24, 2009 15:17:07 GMT -5
;D
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ayzha
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by ayzha on Nov 24, 2009 16:51:22 GMT -5
I will confess that I did tap SS2 on the hand and say no no when he was like one. I did it in front of SO. The baby must have given me the craziest look. SO told me that they are not going to spank him until he is older and understands more. he didn't tell me not to ever do it but I just have decided to stay out of that department. I don't know if Bm spanks SS5. I never asked him because it is really something that honestly I can never really confront her with unless I want added problems. My SS5 does say that she doesn't tell him to so things that he doesn't like to do and so I direct that into she is not that strict. Whatever happens there is not my concern. I know she has called my SO a few times when she couldn't get him to do something she was saying. I told my SO If she can't control him then he doesn't need to be there. I think he figures that its me talking out of spite.m
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