baby mama still not accepting reality

[ayzha]

So last night my SO went to drop SS2 home to bm. She is enrolling the baby in some daycare which is good because her 19 year old brother was the babysitter. Any how bm asked my SO to give her some names to put on the emergency card. He said my name first. She got mad and told him that he could leave and doesn't need his help. My SO told me that I know the baby best out of his family and the others don't have access to cars. He didn't tell BM that he just left. She still doesn't not to accept reality.
So are any of the gf/wife on the school emergency cards for the step kids. BMs is your BD SO on the emergency cards or list. I told my SO that if his BM had a dude his name would be on there right his of her mama name especially if she was living with the dude over two years. I think that this is not looking out for the best interest of the kids. Come on in an emergency you should want the fastest person who can make it to your child get there. Of course the parents are called first. Its all about control.
I don't mind not being on the list and god forbid anything ever happening where anyone will need to be call. I just think its funny how she reacted and I'm happy that my SO didn't try to make her feel better before leaving. She is just immature. IMO baby mama does not want to see me as a permanent fixture in SS2 life. BM living in her fantasy bubble and got mad when my SO poked a hole in it. She needs to get over herself. Next time she shouldnt ask for his advice if she only want to hear what she wants to hear. Come on we have lived together over two years and she still tries to exclude me even with an emergency. Shall we say, A woman with issues.
She needs to understand that he is not going back to him and that they are the parents then they are first priority of course. She asked for five other names. Come on now, if someone told any one on here to name five people that they could count on, their SO would be number 1 or somewhere on that list or there are some issues in the relationship. BM can fill out the info by herself and include who she wants because apparently she didnt really want BD impact.
My SO mom, brother, and sister does not drive. I guess BM wanted for my SO to call his mom and get his Aunties number or something even though they have never dealt with the baby along ever. In an emergency do you really want your two year old going with people that he doesnt know and feel too comfortable. Not looking out for the best interest of the child here.

[jaylady999]

So are any of the gf/wife on the school emergency cards for the step kids.

Nope. And have no issues with that ;D


Bms are your bd SO on the emergency cards or list.

Never. I've never had any of BDs SO's on my sons emergency call list

I told my SO that of his BM had a dude his name would be on there right his of her mama especially if she was livi g with the dude over two years.

Yep, DH has been on my sons emergency call list for 6 of the eight years we've been together

I think that this is not looking out for the best interest of the kids. Come on in an emergency you should want the fastest person who can make it to your child get there. Of course the parents are called first. Its all about control.

Perhaps. But let me ask you, is she CP?

[ayzha]

jay your bd hadn't had a solid SO till recently so it is normal not to add anyone since you never did. Have you ever asked bd to help you with the list. Bm has bd mama and sister number if she really want to add them. She shouldn't have gotten mad at the response. She is the CP so she knows who she wants and doesn't want to pick up the baby and could have just filled out the card on her own. I just filled out SS5 card for kindergarden and

[ayzha]

the cards now have a location for two homes with so many separate families. It even has a place to list the stepmom and stepdad names. I thought that was crazy to see. I wonder if bm would have included my name if married probably not. I think I just thought the whole thing was comical that bm got upset at the response. Its one less responsibility for me the way I see it.

[jaylady999]

jay your bd hadn't had a solid SO till recently so it is normal not to add anyone since you never did. Have you ever asked bd to help you with the list.

Not once. There are very few things that are related to DSs schooling that I ask for help with.

Bm has bd mama and sister number if she really want to add them. She shouldn't have gotten mad at the response. She is the CP so she knows who she wants and doesn't want to pick up the baby and could have just filled out the card on her own.

I agree, she should have just done the list and kept it movin. Thats what makes me think she wants to play games. BD is the only person from his side that is on the emergency call list. Everyone else is on my side of the family(my mother, father, sister, aunt, and DH)

[jaylady999]

the cards now have a location for two homes with so many separate families. It even has a place to list the stepmom and stepdad names. I thought that was crazy to see. I wonder if bm would have included my name if married probably not.

You are right, probably not. I know BD in my sitch being married wouldnt make me a bit of difference

I think I just thought the whole thing was comical that bm got upset at the response. Its one less responsibility for me the way I see it.

Absolutely!

[MsKokamo]

I don't see the harm in asking BD for emergency contacts. Maybe she wanted to know who he preferred.

That being said, I think SO is throwing you in BMs face which I don't think is fair to BM. SO knows d**n well, BM would not want you as an emergency contact so why even mention it to stir her up? Yeah you are with SO and maybe you do know the child best but if he wanted you listed he can just suggest himself and he can contact you himself.

[gemmani]

BM asked BD and he gave her a logical response. He didn't go out of his way to bring Azyha up into the conversation, but she was the best choice for the matter at hand. In a perfect world, BM would just be happy that there is someone else to serve as backup who is willing and capable and knowledgable enough to handle an emergency regarding the child. She's reacting off of emotion instead. It's to be expected, just a sad fact.

[jaylady999]

That being said, I think SO is throwing you in BMs face which I don't think is fair to BM. SO knows d**n well, BM would not want you as an emergency contact so why even mention it to stir her up? Yeah you are with SO and maybe you do know the child best but if he wanted you listed he can just suggest himself and he can contact you himself.

Very good point MsK. I know that DH would never even mention me when it comes to BM and an emergency contact list because that would piss BM off. Not that I care about her getting pissed, but why cause unneccesary drama?

[ayzha]

I don't think my SO was starting trouble. When I was fiilling out SS5 card he told me to add bm. I put her last in hopes that she may one day get a car and actually be able to help in an emergency. Hey I doubt we ever need her but I feel that no matter how much I don't care for her that she wouldn't want to see harm to SS5.
In our district the schools only release the student to the name on the list. The parent must way in person who else will be picking up the child. No phone call will help because they need to see that it is the parent and not just give the child away just from a phone call saying so. I think that its a good idea that way but in an emergency the parent physically allowing release of the child is impossible. bm knows that most of my So family are not driving and in an emergency would just be calling my so which kills the entire purpose of having additional contacts. It would just be more people to get in contact with SO. Bm doesn't even have a car and will have to take an hour on the bus from work to get there herself. well she will probably fill out the list on her own from now on which is fine with my So as long as he's included.

[memy]

Although I think BM set herself up for that hastily reply....

"Don't ask questions, U don't wanna hear the answer to"

Yeah you are with SO and maybe you do know the child best but if he wanted you listed he can just suggest himself and he can contact you himself.

I can agree with this.

[memy]

Just thought I'd finish off the subject title with a.......

And she prolly NEVER will

[jaylady999]

When DH figured out that the mere mention of my name set BM off, he just stopped mentioning my name to her and that was fine with me. I dont need to be mentioned to her or anything else. I am the man's wife, he loves me, so whatever BM thinks or doesnt think, whatever she knows or doesnt know is far beyond the realm of things that are insignifcant to me.

He mentioned me recently to her regarding the kids living with us and me changing my work schedule to accomodate. Pissed her off big time. And even at that point I told him that it was necessary for him to mention me. It is what would have been going on in our household, he didnt really even have to answer her with any detail quite honestly. He could have just told her that he had it worked out and left it at that.

And because of that one little mention of my name, the kids are not coming to live with us now(not that I care much, because I dont), but if we know what sets a person off, just dont go down that road, is what I say.

[memy]

On the other hand men don't really think about how their going to answer a question....They just do it, you can't blame them for other peoples ignorance.

Some folks cant handle the truth, that's on them. Til they (CBM"s) can accept the reality that BD has moved on, they're on their own...

[jaylady999]

Actually Memy, DH learned over the years that the less he mentioned me, the more peaceful things were. I had to explain to him 'Duh, then dont mention me". I am not a part of their parenting, so me being honorably mentioned was not necessary in my opinion.

Is it sad and pathetic? Yeppers. But who cares. Whether or not he brings my name up to BM doesnt lessen or marriage in any way whatsoever. So it was no big deal to me.

I see skids a few days a month, cant see where my name should come up anyway. I would feel differently if DH were CP or even if they were in a 50/50 sitch. But the way it stands now, leave me out of yalls convo, its ok, really.

If BM sleeps better that way, thats on her. All it does is make it harder for her when she is faced with a situation she cant run from. For example, DH had to drop off my SDs phone charger on Saturday to BM at her job(because she works not too far from where we live). DS was with him because they were going to the mall right after. So DS was in the truck with him and BM saw him. So if she wants to pretend that I dont exist, it just makes it harder for her when things happen that remind her that I actually do ;D