When will it end..........

[recondite]

I make sure to stay out of all direct dealings with BM and I have zero issues with drama in my situation.

I stay out of all direct dealings with BM as well, but when the BM is irrational it becomes almost impossible to not run into drama.

It almost seems that some SMs feel the need to mark their territory when it comes to their husbands.

For me, if it is not an emergency there is no reason ANYONE should call at that time of morning. I would definitely express my concerns with DH and let him handle it from there. It has nothing to do with marking of territory, but respect. I go to my favorite line... Do unto others...[/color]

I am definitely glad I am secure enough in my marriage to stay completely in the background when it comes to my husband and his children's mother, all while having a completely fulfilling relationship with my skids. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

That's awesome in your case, but each situation is different. It is not always possible to remain in the background when dealing with skids, especially if you are not dealing with fit parents.[/color]

[jaylady999]

Honestly? The reason I am able to stay in the background is because I have a husband who deals with his kid's mother head on. Always has. He shields me from the drama. It is one of the things I love most about him.

And of course you can share your feelings about whatever with your husband. No issues there. I've done the same. And if he handles whatever your concerns are, it's gravy. I am specifically speaking of dealing directly with and going back and forth with the BM and running interference on his dealings with her.

When my son's father was married(very very briefly), his wife began to request that I only call the house phone when communicating with BD. LOL! Yeah ok. I have always called BDs cellphone, long before she was even a thought in his life, and I certainly wasn't about to change the way I communicated with him just because that is what would have made her feel more comfortable. Yeah right. Needless to say, their entire relationship(including the marriage) lasted all of one year. She's history and I still call him on his cellphone.

My only point is that some drama can be minimized by the actions or non actions of the SM. I don't have drama because I don't entertain drama. If fireworks and fights is what a BM ever wants from a SM, she won't like me at all. I am very boring. I don't entertain it.

[recondite]

I totally agree with you. I also feel that some drama can be minimized by the actions or non-actions of the BM. It's not always the SM.

My husband deals with and handles all communication with BM, but sometimes him relaying information to me is necessary since my SD is in my care. For example, BM picks up my SD from school on Fridays and drops her off at home on Sundays, which is something we agreed to because she wanted to maximize her time with my SD on weekends. Now if BM decides at the last minute, which she has done before, that she will not be picking my SD up from school and sends someone else in her place there is no way to avoid the situation once her school calls to tell me that no one has picked up my SD from school and they cannot release her to anyone other than the three of us, which BM is fully aware of. If my husband is at work now what?

It's not always black and white when you care for someone else's child who only has their best interest at heart and not their childs. Even when you aren't the source of the drama you can't always avoid it.

[jaylady999]

I totally agree with you. I also feel that some drama can be minimized by the actions or non-actions of the BM. It's not always the SM.

But of course. I think BMs keep up way more of the drama than SMs do in general. But since we cannot control other people, i.e., the BM, I just choose to govern myself that would bring the least drama to myself. First step is not feeding into BMs drama in the first place.

My husband deals with and handles all communication with BM, but sometimes him relaying information to me is necessary since my SD is in my care. For example, BM picks up my SD from school on Fridays and drops her off at home on Sundays, which is something we agreed to because she wanted to maximize her time with my SD on weekends. Now if BM decides at the last minute, which she has done before, that she will not be picking my SD up from school and sends someone else in her place there is no way to avoid the situation once her school calls to tell me that no one has picked up my SD from school and they cannot release her to anyone other than the three of us, which BM is fully aware of. If my husband is at work now what?

Of course, you do what you have to do. In a case like that, BM dropped the ball. You mean to tell me that BM has caused drama in a situation like this?

It's not always black and white when you care for someone else's child who only has their best interest at heart and not their childs. Even when you aren't the source of the drama you can't always avoid it.

Seriously, when it comes to kids who are not mine, it is very black and white. I do what I can. If it causes drama for me, I won't do it. If I am being helpful to my husband by doing things for his kids and BM makes a stink about it or there is some sort of issue, that issue then becomes his issue. I wish I would allow drama in my life when I am doing something for someone else's kids.. I have better things to do. And oddly enough, even with me having this attitude, drama is one thing I do not get from the BM in my sitch. And I do believe it is because of my attitude about the whole thing. I'll move mountains for my skids, but not if it will bring me drama. No thank you.

I have my own child to tend to. I don't have the energy or the patience to go out of my way to do something for any other kids if someone is deliberately making it hard for me to do. I'll pass.

[recondite]

Of course, you do what you have to do. In a case like that, BM dropped the ball. You mean to tell me that BM has caused drama in a situation like this?

Yes. She then proceeded to be upset with us because she feels that she should be able to decide who picks up my SD from school and doesn't seem to see the security threat this poses. This also made the school require us to have a notarized letter with those individuals allowed to pick my SD up from school for legal purposes, which to me makes us look like we are full of drama and hampers our relationship with the school.[/b]

Seriously, when it comes to kids who are not mine, it is very black and white. I do what I can. If it causes drama for me, I won't do it. If I am being helpful to my husband by doing things for his kids and BM makes a stink about it or there is some sort of issue, that issue then becomes his issue. I wish I would allow drama in my life when I am doing something for someone else's kids.. I have better things to do. And oddly enough, even with me having this attitude, drama is one thing I do not get from the BM in my sitch. And I do believe it is because of my attitude about the whole thing. I'll move mountains for my skids, but not if it will bring me drama. No thank you.

I have my own child to tend to. I don't have the energy or the patience to go out of my way to do something for any other kids if someone is deliberately making it hard for me to do. I'll pass.

I felt this way when I first started dating my husband, and I completely agree. It is different because she lives with us and I am the primary caregiver. For me it has now become all about what is best for my SD. I have come to the realization that at every turn the BM will fight just for the sake of fighting and, in turn, my SD suffers. I no longer want her to miss out because of BMs stupidity so I just work through it because I know that my SD deserves better.

[jaylady999]

I felt this way when I first started dating my husband, and I completely agree. It is different because she lives with us and I am the primary caregiver. For me it has now become all about what is best for my SD. I have come to the realization that at every turn the BM will fight just for the sake of fighting and, in turn, my SD suffers. I no longer want her to miss out because of BMs stupidity so I just work through it because I know that my SD deserves better.

Well I've been with my husband for 11 years and I've always felt this way. My skids have missed out on a lot because of the situation they are in. It doesn't change the fact that I do what I can when I can and refuse to do it in the presence of drama. It's unfortunate for these kids, but as long as I know I am not the reason for the stupidity, I sleep very well at night.

I will give you that I may feel differently if my DH had primary custody. Time will only tell.

[Krissy]

Really? Don't go there, GOD..... First of all, I said MY relationship works like that. Yes it is sexy as HELL, to me. He can handle his issues BUT as a nurturer, my input helps out more AND women can sense, a little better sometimes, what a child actually needs more. When I answer his phone, it's not to show any kind of power, authority or sense of " I got this". It's because we have nothing to hide. That's my marriage. You're speaking as an individual who obviously has a lot on your plate if you STILL do for your ex's kids. You can't let go. I hope he gets someone else and they tell YOU to get out of the picture. If a man marries a woman and she is a wonderful part of HIS previous childrens lives, a BM ought to be glad and grateful. My husbands daughters mom is a wonderful example. We get along soooooo well because she knows her daughter is in WONDERFUL care with US and our relationship is wonderful too. Child support doesn't cover EVERYTHING and I know lots of people that help me get her the things that she needs that WE cannot afford in this economy. I wash her hair and help when her mom wants to get more hours. She meets me where ever I am, if I'm in a jam and we've even talked about and worked out tutoring for her. We always TELL our appreciation towards each other. My husband works day and night so I'm more available to help. That's US. To call my hubby a coward??? That's mighty little of a person to do, not knowing US. And your profile name is GOD? WOW! The other mom just won't let go. When she found out that he was getting married, she got very ignorant and tried to not let the SS come over. Visitation fixed that. My SS NEVER wants to go home. She hates that. It's silly because she often needs me. See....She needs to get extra hours too BUT since she found out that my hubby would be at work AND couldn't help her out, and I was the one who was doing it before........She's discovered her foot in her mouth and NOW tries to be nice. I would help him too BUT when she said that she didn't want me to do anything for him, she bit her help. She didn't realize it was me until it stopped. Now she's trying to be nice.....HA HA HA!!!!! I still treat him the same but now she has to deal with my husband and his schedule. Even when we didn't have, we made it work for them. I even told her, after my husband had surgery, we'll pay his support directly when he got back to work. She didn't wait like we asked and they TRIED to garnish his check. See, in the beginning, he was paying support but did not add our 3 children so they could get the maximum support possible. She went to court anyway and we had a hearing. She was sooooo greedy and mean, she deprived my SS of the $ he WAS getting. Now that our 3 babies are added, her support dropped by $450 a month. I was the one, in the beginning that convinced my husband not to get it modified BUT the BM got stupid and messed up the support for both kids. I know my SK's are biologically not mine but when I signed into marriage with my husband, it was a partnership all the way. It is possible to have a decent relationship with the BM's if respect is established and the needs of the child come first. My man is STILL sexy to me because he thinks it's sexy when I'm as wonderful as I am with his children and treat them no different than ours. I can never love them the same as mine but I still love them and would die for them just like mine. As far as my old relationships with men who had children, I made clean breaks because it allowed less contact with ex's. I had no children. When a BM is just silly all the way and WILL NOT act right with the BD, for no reason other than being mad at him for going on, she makes herself and the child suffer.

[Krissy]

And........It's actually okay to respect your Ex's new wife. By the Bible, which by your profile name (GOD), I assume you read sometimes, the wife is first, not the BM. The wife comes before the kids and the BM. If the BD wants the BM to do that for his wife's comfort, hooray for him! As long as his child is being cared for, they can request that, Any BM who doesn't respect the wife is asking for drama anyway. It seems like you pride yourself in the fact that he got divorced after a short time. Why couldn't you just call the house? You were just being difficult. It wouldn't have hurt. You didn't respect his marriage or his wife. If you died, your shared kids would've been in their custody, by law. That's why most BM's and BD's are off because of lack of respect for the new person in their lives.

[jaylady999]

Really? Don't go there, GOD..... First of all, I said MY relationship works like that. Yes it is sexy as HELL, to me. He can handle his issues BUT as a nurturer, my input helps out more AND women can sense, a little better sometimes, what a child actually needs more.

Ewwww...just ugh! I am sitting here thanking goodness that I have a husband who is man enough to determine the needs of his own children and the fact that he is a man doesn't hinder him in ANY way from doing so.

When I answer his phone, it's not to show any kind of power, authority or sense of " I got this". It's because we have nothing to hide. That's my marriage. You're speaking as an individual who obviously has a lot on your plate if you STILL do for your ex's kids. You can't let go. I hope he gets someone else and they tell YOU to get out of the picture.

No one has to tell me to get out of the picture. When it comes to BM, I was never in the picture as far as she is concerned. She knows who I am, that I exist, that her kids love me...but me answering my husband's cellphone when she calls? For what? She and I don't have any children together, we have nothing to discuss. Answer the phone and do what? Tell her that my husband is unavailable? That's just stupid. It's called a voicemail. That's what it's for.

If a man marries a woman and she is a wonderful part of HIS previous childrens lives, a BM ought to be glad and grateful.

Grateful? Really? I don't think so. As a BM, I am not grateful for anyone BD brings into my son's life. That's HIS business. Thing is, BD is an awesome father who ALWAYS put his son's needs first. I am not the least bit worried or appreciative that the woman who he brings into DSs life is "wonderful". I am sure BD appreciates it and that's great.

As a SM, I am about as awesome as they come. Does BM appreciate it? Probably not. Quite frankly I think she'd prefer if I just go away and never come back. But who cares? I know I don't. I can't think of one thing that I have done in 11 years for my stepkids that I have thought enough of BM and hoped she would appreciate. She is simply just not important enough for me to even think about on that level. DH appreciates what I do for his kids. That is way more than good enough for me. To even think BM should appreciate me is giving her way too much power in my life. NEVER.


My husbands daughters mom is a wonderful example. We get along soooooo well because she knows her daughter is in WONDERFUL care with US and our relationship is wonderful too.

Me? I know that my son is in wonderful care with his father regardless of whether or not he has a woman by his side or not. My concern stops there.

Child support doesn't cover EVERYTHING and I know lots of people that help me get her the things that she needs that WE cannot afford in this economy. I wash her hair and help when her mom wants to get more hours. She meets me where ever I am, if I'm in a jam and we've even talked about and worked out tutoring for her. We always TELL our appreciation towards each other.

That's great! But not a requirement.

My husband works day and night so I'm more available to help. That's US. To call my hubby a coward??? That's mighty little of a person to do, not knowing US.

Sorry, but for you to say that he doesn't want to deal with her and dumps her off on you for you to deal with her instead of him? He is a coward. Period.

And your profile name is GOD? WOW!

Um, dear? My screename is jaylady999. This site automatically classifies it's members according to when they signed up on this site and how many posts they've made (examples are "new member, junior member", etc). Under your screen name, it says "GUEST" because you have not set up an account. Under mine it says "GOD" is the highest classification here according to my post count and THE SITE has that listed under my name. I have NOTHING to do with that.

The other mom just won't let go. When she found out that he was getting married, she got very ignorant and tried to not let the SS come over. Visitation fixed that. My SS NEVER wants to go home. She hates that. It's silly because she often needs me. See....She needs to get extra hours too BUT since she found out that my hubby would be at work AND couldn't help her out, and I was the one who was doing it before........She's discovered her foot in her mouth and NOW tries to be nice. I would help him too BUT when she said that she didn't want me to do anything for him, she bit her help. She didn't realize it was me until it stopped. Now she's trying to be nice.....HA HA HA!!!!!

And that's exactly why I say, I do what I do for my skids, not for BM. There is a very fine line and I know how to walk it. I will do anything for them regardless of what BM does and doesn't do or says and doesn't say....IF I WANT TO. I am not looking for accolades from her. How she feels about it is soooo irrelevant to me that it's not even funny. What I do for my skids is genuinely FOR THEM. And I base my decision to do whatever it is on how I feel for them, not how I feel for their mother. BM and I could be the best of friends and I would do exactly the same things for them that I do now.


I still treat him the same but now she has to deal with my husband and his schedule.

It should have been that way all along anyway.

Even when we didn't have, we made it work for them. I even told her, after my husband had surgery, we'll pay his support directly when he got back to work. She didn't wait like we asked and they TRIED to garnish his check. See, in the beginning, he was paying support but did not add our 3 children so they could get the maximum support possible. She went to court anyway and we had a hearing. She was sooooo greedy and mean, she deprived my SS of the $ he WAS getting. Now that our 3 babies are added, her support dropped by $450 a month. I was the one, in the beginning that convinced my husband not to get it modified BUT the BM got stupid and messed up the support for both kids. I know my SK's are biologically not mine but when I signed into marriage with my husband, it was a partnership all the way. It is possible to have a decent relationship with the BM's if respect is established and the needs of the child come first. My man is STILL sexy to me because he thinks it's sexy when I'm as wonderful as I am with his children and treat them no different than ours. I can never love them the same as mine but I still love them and would die for them just like mine. As far as my old relationships with men who had children, I made clean breaks because it allowed less contact with ex's. I had no children. When a BM is just silly all the way and WILL NOT act right with the BD, for no reason other than being mad at him for going on, she makes herself and the child suffer.

Act right? LOL. She's a grown woman, what the hell does ACT RIGHT even mean? What? Conform to you and your husband so that she can get favors from you? It's this simple. She is going to act however she acts. Who cares. DH goes above and beyond for his kids because they are HIS KIDS. I go above and beyond for them not only because they are his kids, but because I've grown to genuinely love them over the years. What BM does and doesn't do is her business. Neither DH nor I give a d**n. We do what we do(together and separately) because it's the right thing to do regardless of how BM acts from one day to the next.

It seems to me that you want a pat on the back for whatever it is that you do for your skid(s). I don't. I do it from the heart and it needs no "atta girl" from anyone.

[jaylady999]

And........It's actually okay to respect your Ex's new wife. By the Bible, which by your profile name (GOD), I assume you read sometimes, the wife is first, not the BM.

Uh, yeah. My husband's wife is FIRST and always will be. Neither I nor DH needs to go out of our way to prove that to BM. It shows in his actions and there never needs to be any big discussion about it. By default, I have way more power than she EVER will. I know this. He knows this. She knows this. So what's your point? And leave it alone with the "GOD" thing, the site does that, not me.

The wife comes before the kids and the BM. If the BD wants the BM to do that for his wife's comfort, hooray for him!

Here's the thing.... DH does not have to require BM to do anything for MY sake. Again, she's just not important enough. It really is that simple. Why you want all this respect from the BM in your sitch, I'll never know. It's not that serious.

As long as his child is being cared for, they can request that, Any BM who doesn't respect the wife is asking for drama anyway.

How so? BM doesn't have to respect me. She'll never disrespect me to my face and there is the difference. You seem to want BM to call you and thank you for all your hard work on raising her children....get the hell outta here with that nonsense. If I were the BM in your sitch, I'd tell you to kiss my azz and keep it moving.

It seems like you pride yourself in the fact that he got divorced after a short time.

Huh? I don't pride myself on anything when it comes to BD and his relationships. I don't care at all

Why couldn't you just call the house?

I didn't just call the house because I've NEVER called the house, even before he knew her. I contacted him the way I always had. HIS CELLPHONE. It was easier for me and for him. HE even thought she was nuts to request that mess.


You were just being difficult. It wouldn't have hurt.

It wouldn't have hurt? No one, I don't care who it is, gets to dictate how I communicate with my son's father. Not when our set up had been working fine for years before she came around. First off, I didn't call BD often enough for this to even be an issue, and secondly, BD and I had already worked out a system and if he wanted to change some things for his wife, great! But she was not my wife and not my responsibility to keep happy.

You didn't respect his marriage or his wife. If you died, your shared kids would've been in their custody, by law. That's why most BM's and BD's are off because of lack of respect for the new person in their lives.

Girl, you sound like an idiot. My son's father is a great father, so who's custody he goes into if I died is actually an honor for me. I am at complete peace with the fact that it would be him. To be honest, if BD was able to sell his house and move to another area, he'd have custody of our son right now and who he shared his home with wouldn't be an issue for me because HE is the father and HE is all who matters to me when it comes to raising my son.

And that situation was a great example of why a new wife wouldn't come in and turn my life upside down. She was temporary. BD and I have a relationship set up that is in our son's best interest. Our relationship will not change if he gets married again. Will I have to adjust to some things. Sure. And I don't have a problem with that. BD had to adjust to some things when it came to me and my DH getting married. But just like I do when it comes to BM, my DH does the same when it comes to BD AND DH is married to the custodial parent. He does ALOT for my son and I love him for that. But he is not territorial over my son because he realizes that my son has a father and he is active in his life. DH didnt come into our situation making demands or anything of the sort. Even as a new spouse, we both realized that we had children with other people and the all mighty "I am his wife, I am her husband" was not thrown around in the sense of trying to pull rank.

[recondite]

When I answer his phone, it's not to show any kind of power, authority or sense of " I got this". It's because we have nothing to hide. That's my marriage. You're speaking as an individual who obviously has a lot on your plate if you STILL do for your ex's kids.

I have to agree with jaylady on this one. By not answering the phone at all, even though BM is calling at an unreasonable hour, the entire situation could have been avoided. You're right and she's wrong, but in this situation you could have not entertained her drama by simply letting the call go to voicemail.[/color]

You can't let go. I hope he gets someone else and they tell YOU to get out of the picture. If a man marries a woman and she is a wonderful part of HIS previous childrens lives, a BM ought to be glad and grateful.

She doesn't have to be grateful for what you do and she probably never will. It would be nice if BM took it into consideration before throwing a tantrum, but it is unlikely. Knowing this, do what you do because it is what you want to do and you will never have any regrets. Don't do favors for BM. I don't. Anything I decide to do is because I want to do it for my SD. That way I'm not pissed when BM has her next episode. I'm not equating my actions to "After all I've done for you and your child".[/color]

My husbands daughters mom is a wonderful example. We get along soooooo well because she knows her daughter is in WONDERFUL care with US and our relationship is wonderful too. Child support doesn't cover EVERYTHING and I know lots of people that help me get her the things that she needs that WE cannot afford in this economy. I wash her hair and help when her mom wants to get more hours. She meets me where ever I am, if I'm in a jam and we've even talked about and worked out tutoring for her. We always TELL our appreciation towards each other. My husband works day and night so I'm more available to help. That's US.

It's great that you can get along with one of the BMs in your situation, but you have to learn how to separate the two. One BM is not like the other so you have to adjust accordingly.[/color]

The other mom just won't let go. When she found out that he was getting married, she got very ignorant and tried to not let the SS come over. Visitation fixed that.

Visitation fixed that. Enough said.[/color]

My SS NEVER wants to go home. She hates that.

My concern is that you take joy in the fact that your SS never wants to go home. My SD often does not want to visit her mother on the weekends and often I feel bad for my SD. I would LOVE for her to want to spend time with her mother because that means that her visit is enjoyable and productive. Also, typical of children, they want to spend time with the "fun" parent. He may want to stay with you because he does more activities he deems "fun" when he visits with you on the weekend as opposed to the schedule he follows at home.[/color]
It's silly because she often needs me. See....She needs to get extra hours too BUT since she found out that my hubby would be at work AND couldn't help her out, and I was the one who was doing it before........She's discovered her foot in her mouth and NOW tries to be nice. I would help him too BUT when she said that she didn't want me to do anything for him, she bit her help. She didn't realize it was me until it stopped. Now she's trying to be nice.....HA HA HA!!!!! I still treat him the same but now she has to deal with my husband and his schedule.

Stop doing favors for BM and this can eliminate another area of drama. She doesn't like you and she probably never will. You can avoid the phony kindness by making it clear that anything she wants/needs must be handled by DH. This way anything you do is genuinely because you want to do it for your SS. My BM would never think to ask me to do anything for her! My responsibility begins and ends with my DH and SD. Her personal situations are none of my concern. For example, if BM can't make it to pick up my SD then I will pick her up with no problem. That's me looking after my SD. Now where it becomes personal... If for whatever reason you fail to pick her up at the scheduled date and time that means you now forfeit your weekend with her as I will not make any additional plans to meet with you PERIOD. You missed your opportunity and it is no longer my concern.[/color]

Even when we didn't have, we made it work for them. I even told her, after my husband had surgery, we'll pay his support directly when he got back to work. She didn't wait like we asked and they TRIED to garnish his check. See, in the beginning, he was paying support but did not add our 3 children so they could get the maximum support possible. She went to court anyway and we had a hearing. She was sooooo greedy and mean, she deprived my SS of the $ he WAS getting. Now that our 3 babies are added, her support dropped by $450 a month. I was the one, in the beginning that convinced my husband not to get it modified BUT the BM got stupid and messed up the support for both kids.

Again, the court handled it. Enough said. [/color]
I know my SK's are biologically not mine but when I signed into marriage with my husband, it was a partnership all the way. It is possible to have a decent relationship with the BM's if respect is established and the needs of the child come first. My man is STILL sexy to me because he thinks it's sexy when I'm as wonderful as I am with his children and treat them no different than ours. I can never love them the same as mine but I still love them and would die for them just like mine. As far as my old relationships with men who had children, I made clean breaks because it allowed less contact with ex's. I had no children. When a BM is just silly all the way and WILL NOT act right with the BD, for no reason other than being mad at him for going on, she makes herself and the child suffer.

Since you know that she is who she is you need to move on as well. Stop looking for her to magically come to her senses. It just doesn't work that way. You can only control what you. Start looking at situations where you can eliminate the drama before it starts on your end.[/color]

And........It's actually okay to respect your Ex's new wife. By the Bible, which by your profile name (GOD), I assume you read sometimes, the wife is first, not the BM. The wife comes before the kids and the BM. If the BD wants the BM to do that for his wife's comfort, hooray for him! As long as his child is being cared for, they can request that, Any BM who doesn't respect the wife is asking for drama anyway. It seems like you pride yourself in the fact that he got divorced after a short time. Why couldn't you just call the house? You were just being difficult. It wouldn't have hurt. You didn't respect his marriage or his wife. If you died, your shared kids would've been in their custody, by law. That's why most BM's and BD's are off because of lack of respect for the new person in their lives.

Here's another instance where you can avoid drama. If DH and BM have a system that works with no drama why would you want to interfere? My BM ONLY calls my DH cell. I personally do not want the BM calling my home at all. I WISH my DH and BM were able to come to fair and reasonable agreements between each other on issues regarding my SD without my involvement. That would make my life 10x easier!

BM is not going to respect you. ;D In my case my DH demands it of his BM so I leave it at that. I personally think that a lot of drama can be avoided if you stop talking to the BM and let your DH know how you feel. Leave him to it so you aren't in the middle. The BM doesn't like me and doesn't have to. You can't dictate to a person what they can and cannot do because you married the BD. Any issues you have are for the person you married not the BM. If you don't like what BM is doing discuss it with DH because I can assure you the BM doesn't care. We discuss the situation and our decision is relayed to the BM by my DH.[/color]

[jaylady999]

BRAVO!!! to everything you said. Maybe she'll get it now

[jaylady999]

You're speaking as an individual who obviously has a lot on your plate if you STILL do for your ex's kids. You can't let go.

I just noticed she said this to me. LOL. Not sure what she is even talking about. The only kids I do for are MY SON and my DHs SON and DAUGHTER. No ex in my life has me doing anything for their kids. LOL

[recondite]

BRAVO!!! to everything you said. Maybe she'll get it now

She's just angry and frustrated. Which I completely understand. She wants a good working relationship with BM, but hasn't realized that some people are beyond reason. My father had to remind me recently "Never argue with a fool". She's still arguing with BM trying to make her see her point of view. Actions speak louder than words. Stop dealing with her and she'll get the point.[/color]

[jaylady999]

Yep. It's the best advice I will give anyone. If it isn't working, leave it be. I feel this way as BM and SM. I've seen girlfriends of BD come and go over the last 16 years. Most are cool. I never try to force my way with them just because they are dating my ex. If I run into them, we exchange pleasantries and keep it moving. Only one of the many did I actually have issues with. I think she was psycho. It didn't take but a brief moment for me to realize that we need zero communication at all. She's history now, but she was a doozie while she was around LOL.

At any rate, I don't believe in making peoples problems my own. If it causes stress or strife, I cut it loose by any means possible.