BM from HELL

[mn]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We've had a few small breaks, mostly fueled by my need to get away from the BMD.

It's been a long, rocky road, and seems to continuously go down hill.. Ill try to keep this as short as possible while still covering important parts.

When he & I first started dating she came to a bar I was at and poured beer on me. I had no idea who she was. She's egged my car. Threatened to "bust your door down" and "punch that wh**e in the mouth". She told his family lies about me in an attempt to get them to scare me off, and for the first year we were together they discriminated against me, telling me SHE is his mother, and I am just the girlfriend.

But throughout it all I've maintained a wonderful relationship with the child. I've been around him since he was a year and a half. We used to build forts, color, play hide and seek, etc. When I'm not around he asks for me, tells me he loves me.

After she started to create issues with the schedule she established with my boyfriend, and threatened to take him for child support, he got a lawyer and took her to family court. They worked out a split schedule where we get him Wednesday, and she picks him back up Saturday. The lawyer pretty much told her if she tries to push child support we will just push for full custody. (We have a LOT of information we could use against her in court). She agreed to the schedule and that she wouldn't file for support.

Everything was working out well with the schedule ...until she started working at a bar and moved in with her boyfriend. She works 4PM-2 or 3AM at the bar, every day except Monday and Tuesday... But sometimes she posts on Facebook that she goes to the casino after work, or goes to drink at the bar on her days off, when she's supposed to be watching her son.

From what my boyfriend's mother told me, who still keeps in touch with her, BM doesn't wake up until 1 or 2PM, but her son gets on the bus at 12:25 and gets back off at 3:45. The child has said to me multiple times "mommy sleeps instead of playing with me". BM even posted on Facebook recently that she lays in bed all day, waiting to start work, because its the only thing she looks forward to anymore.

Now, I work from home and I take care of the child while my boyfriend is at work 7AM to 7PM. We do homework, read books, practice writing and math. He has a homework packet with 2 pages to do every day, and he's supposed to have a book read to him every day, and you're supposed to write the title of a book on a designated page in the homework folder.

Over the past two months, BM hasn't read to him once, despite my boyfriend telling her it's required. And there's been two weeks now, where I picked him up Wednesday and she hasn't done ANY of his homework with him. The child told me "I asked mommy to read to me but she didn't".

When my boyfriend texts her about these things she gets hostile, calls him "your majesty", says she wants to go for full custody and child support, and that me raising him is "messing him up".

Over the past couple weeks she tried to get us to watch the child for her during her time, but will spring it on us at the last second and get upset when we have plans. For example, I get him off the bus at 3:45PM Wednesdays, but she texted my boyfriend at 10PM on a Tuesday night and said "I'm dropping him off at 9:30AM tomorrow". Well I already had plans, so he told her we can't do that, and she threw a fit, saying "I'll just keep him all day then, and you can have him Thursday!! I always change my plans for you guys!"

For these three and a half years I have never, ever said a word to her, despite her threats, slander, nasty Facebook posts about me, etc. Of course I have a thousand things I want to say to her, but I know she would never communicate with me like an adult.

I'm just honestly shocked that she insists on treating me like this, despite the fact that I've done a LOT to help her son learn and grow. He has a room in our home with a nice bed, toys, books, etc. I feed him very healthy meals. He brushes his teeth after every meal, mouthwashes, and cleans up after himself. I've also taught him manners, how to clean his room, and have a money reward system so he can learn and appreciate the value of a dollar.

When we found out she moved in with her boyfriend, we found out he lived with his parents, his sister, her boyfriend, their 5 dogs, and 2 cats. We found out she didn't have a room or a bed for her son and he complained often about sleeping on the couch. Instead of reporting her to CPS or chastising her, we offered to buy him a bed. We've given her money to get her car fixed. To throw birthday parties for the child, etc. Yet she continues to be nasty and rude to us.

Most recently, she's posted on Facebook that I'm a bad person with no common sense because of my college education. That I don't have common sense and compassion because those aren't things that can be bought with money. I have never ever flaunted or bragged about my education to anyone. Neither has my boyfriend.

Why, after 3 and a half years of me doing everything I can to make her son happy, is she acting like this? Is it jealousy? Her drinking habits? Again, I have never said a word to her about anything. Should I continue to stay out of the communication, or should I start reaching out to her to let her know I'm only here to help, that I am essentially her co-pilot?

My boyfriend acknowledges that what she does is wrong and that she's being s lackluster mother, but likes to keep the confrontation level to a minimum, which requires keeping communication with BM to a minimum.

But I can tell this effects the child. He complains about his living conditions at BM's boyfriend's house. He asks to stay here longer on Saturdays when she's scheduled to pick him up. I just keep reminding him that it's important he spends time with everyone and loves everyone.

Any advice, comments, criticism, etc, is welcome.

[mn]

My boyfriend works 7AM-7PM so naturally I'm the one with the child during that time. When he comes home we have dinner together and then they play or read until he goes to bed around 8:45PM. Saturday mornings he spends time with his son until it's time for BM to come pick him up.

Taking a step back from the child would mean leaving him completely alone or hiring a babysitter.

[mn]

On the flip side, because of BM's work schedule, her boyfriend or her boyfriend's mother are the ones watching him there. My boyfriend and BM's boyfriend get along just fine. No issues there.

[truthbtold]

I agree a lot with Nomoredrama. Why put energy on trying to figure out why she is the way that she is? It's pointless. BMs with that bum mentality are just messy really for no reason, other than her BD simply moved on. Some may have other reasons for pushing back and that too, is because often a great deal of the new women are inserting themselves too much. There is absolutely no reason to communicate with her. The co-parenting belongs to the actual parents. You can be a support system or whatever. I find a lot of the new women do waaay too much....I really don't understand it.....whatever, but you are not a factor in the equation when it comes to communicating and co-parenting. Why would you want to anyway? Whatever you do for your boyfriend's son is not contingent upon whether she is going to "accept" you, like you, etc. Y'all don't owe one another anything truthfully. Let your boyfriend praise or thank you for what you do for his son. These men have it good....whew. Their women try and fight their battles for them, take care of their kid(s), etc.

I am curious to know though how she knew where you worked and what you looked like and you didn't even know who she was. Also, how do you know about her postings on Facebook?



"I'm just honestly shocked that she insists on treating me like this, despite the fact that I've done a LOT to help her son learn and grow. He has a room in our home with a nice bed, toys, books, etc. I feed him very healthy meals. He brushes his teeth after every meal, mouthwashes, and cleans up after himself. I've also taught him manners, how to clean his room, and have a money reward system so he can learn and appreciate the value of a dollar."



See, this is the nonsense right here *smh* Do you want a biscuit? You chose to continue dealing with someone with a child and drama, right? You really have to toughen up and grow up some more as well.

[mn]

She knew who I was because she was using the Facebook of a mutual friend to see my boyfriend's and my own facebook. She went on my boyfriends, quickly found mine, and of course this was when checking in on foursquare was cool... so she could easily tell where I was. The mutual friend admitted it to me the day after she came to a bar I was at and poured a beer down my back, and immediately changed his password so she couldn't use it anymore.

Also she knew where I worked because my boyfriend and I used to work together.

The only reason I know about her Facebook posts is because my boyfriends sister sees them & if she feels its important she tells my boyfriend. For example, BM made a post about driving around downtown with the child, "blasting tupac" and waving their hands around like guns. And her most recent post said her & her friends were going to meet me at the bus stop and "throw elbows". Obviously it's just drama and seeing her Facebook posts is drama. I do understand that. I try to take it with a grain of salt.

What I'm really trying to figure out is... When I'm with their son, do I just act like a babysitter? Just be an adult presence in the house? Because right now I do interact and bond with him. We read and play and I take him places he likes. BM and my boyfriend do work a lot and don't really have the time to do all of this with him. I know I'm not here to replace her or like.. Earn her favor or anything. I know I'm not going to ever know why she does the things she does. I just want to better understand how much I should invest in the child.

I will mention too, the relationship is very serious and we are talking marriage. We do live together. I'm not trying to be that annoying girlfriend that busts in and tries to replace anyone.

[truthbtold]

Dec 18, 2013 21:34:59 GMT -5 mn said:

She knew who I was because she was using the Facebook of a mutual friend to see my boyfriend's and my own facebook. She went on my boyfriends, quickly found mine, and of course this was when checking in on foursquare was cool... so she could easily tell where I was. The mutual friend admitted it to me the day after she came to a bar I was at and poured a beer down my back, and immediately changed his password so she couldn't use it anymore.

Also she knew where I worked because my boyfriend and I used to work together.

The only reason I know about her Facebook posts is because my boyfriends sister sees them & if she feels its important she tells my boyfriend. For example, BM made a post about driving around downtown with the child, "blasting tupac" and waving their hands around like guns. And her most recent post said her & her friends were going to meet me at the bus stop and "throw elbows". Obviously it's just drama and seeing her Facebook posts is drama. I do understand that. I try to take it with a grain of salt.

What I'm really trying to figure out is... When I'm with their son, do I just act like a babysitter? Just be an adult presence in the house? Because right now I do interact and bond with him. We read and play and I take him places he likes. BM and my boyfriend do work a lot and don't really have the time to do all of this with him. I know I'm not here to replace her or like.. Earn her favor or anything. I know I'm not going to ever know why she does the things she does. I just want to better understand how much I should invest in the child.

I will mention too, the relationship is very serious and we are talking marriage. We do live together. I'm not trying to be that annoying girlfriend that busts in and tries to replace anyone.

Small town, huh? Yes, disengaging from the Facebook shenanigans is highly suggested. @ underlined, that's very very strange. Was his schedule like this prior to you guys dating? Did this happen during the relationship? The decision to work from home was it yours or something thought up by your boyfriend to assist with his kid? I'm just curious. You also mentioned that y'all helped her get her car fixed. You actually contributed to that? They both have it good with you. Just because one of the parents is not up to par, doesn't mean that others should pick up the slack to that degree. Not a child's fault who his or her parent(s) are, but certainly not the problem of the new person either *shrugs* But a lot of women like to step in and do all of this, so............Personally, I couldn't nor wouldn't, but ultimately you have to decide how far you are going to continue acting in the capacity that you are as it relates to your boyfriend's son. I am unsure if you are relishing in this responsibility or having major trepidation and festering resentment because you are seeking advice on the matter. Your second sentence states that "it's been a long, rocky road, and seems to continuously go down hill" yet, you are considering marrying this person. Color me confused, but hey.

[mn]

Wow, I wrote a huge response on my iPad & when I hit "post reply" it timed out or something and I lost it all. I had to hop on my PC so hopefully this is easier.

First of all, to truthbtold:
Again, I do admit I should disengage from the Facebook drama. Some of her posts I have saved and sent to my boyfriend, because the lawyer did instruct him to keep any important information like that.

My boyfriend does contract work for a lot of the big hospitals in the area, so he might work for 5 or 6 months, and then has off for a month or two, then goes back for 5 or 6 months. His son was in daycare before starting kindergarten this year, and when my boyfriend was off of work during that time, he kept his son home and they spent time together.

As I stated before, BM now works 4PM until maybe 2 or 3AM Wednesday-Sunday. She sleeps until maybe 1 or 2PM after she works.

So they both are busy and working a lot.. so when their son is with dad, I'm the one that's here until dad gets home. And when their son is with BM, her boyfriend and her boyfriend's mom or sister watch him until BM wakes up.

We did help her with money a couple times.. once was for her car, once or twice for food, and once we gave her money to throw a birthday party for her son. This was before she started her bartending job & was having a rough time..

(I'm just trying to rapid fire answer all these questions, sorry!)

It probably seems like I swooped in like a bat out of hell and started pretending to be mommy #2 but that's not the case. When I came in to the picture their son was maybe 17 or 18 months old. I didn't meet him right away, and when I did it was just in the evening, after dinner.. we would build forts or color. I wasn't changing his diapers or feeding him or anything like that.
A lot has changed and evolved over the last 4 years so yes, now I am taking care of him during the day, feeding him, bathing him, dressing him, sending him off to school and doing homework with him. I don't mind it at all.

Now in reference to the "it's been a long, rocky road, and seems to continuously go down hill"... That was more in reference to the BMD then my relationship.
Our relationship was rough in the beginning. When it was just my boyfriend & I we got along so well and he made me laugh and we were genuinely happy together. But BM had influenced his family to not like me, and she was "stalking" and "harassing" me a lot during that time, so it was tough for me. My boyfriends mom got in my face on multiple occasions telling me "SHE is the mother of HIS child and YOU are just his girlfriend!" and it did hurt my feelings, and I didn't think my boyfriend was standing up for me the way he should have been.

We got engaged 2 years in and BM threw a fit when she found out. She called his phone over and over and over and over until he answered. She said he was stupid, insane, how could he want to marry me, etc., I'm a bad person, blah blah. His family's response wasn't as negative but wasn't what we had hoped for, either. It was wearing on both of us and started to break down our relationship.

About 7 months after our engagement I started a new job.. longer hours, more stress, but a lot more money. He was trying to quit smoking and I was stressed from work and it was just a ticking time bomb at that point. BM followed me to work one day... and when I told my boyfriend he seemed skeptical... and that was the last straw for me.

I packed up everything while he was at work one day & I moved out & we didn't talk for a couple weeks. He wanted to make things right, apologize, etc., but I wasn't having it. We stayed apart for maybe 4 or 5 months and actually tried dating other people. It didn't take long before we were both incredibly miserable. I was crying every single day. I could cry right now typing about it, haha.

We slowly started talking again, seeing eachother, etc. And 5 months later I moved back in. His son had been asking for me the ENTIRE time. Boyfriend's family saw how miserable he was and how much his son missed me and did a complete 180. They apologized to me and said they wanted a fresh start. They said I made boyfriend & his son happy and that's all that matters.

So this summer boyfriend had off work & I started working from home, and we spent a lot of our time with his son this summer, just hanging out, swimming in the pool, going to the local fair, etc. I did start teaching him letters and numbers (I have a degree in education so it was something I truly enjoyed doing) and he became very enthusiastic about it. He always wants help and wants to learn more, and he loves impressing his dad with the new things he's learned when he gets home from work. We took construction paper & put big letters on all of them and pictures to go with it, like A is for Apple and hung them up on his wall and he loves it. He's always trying to figure out math problems in his head and impress us with them. So teaching him things before he started kindergarten wasn't something I pushed on him, it's something he truly enjoys.

Boyfriend started a new contract in September, right after his son started kindergarten. Unfortunately it is for a hospital an hour and a half away, and that's why he's gone 7AM to 7PM. We never had any kind of formal discussion about it, like "do you mind taking care of my son while I work this 6 month contract?"... I just told him whatever he needed help with I would help him.

And now we're 4 months in to the school year and everything in our household works like a clock. I get his son off the bus Wednesday, and she picks him up or boyfriend drops him off around noon on Saturday, pending any weather issues or doctor's appointments... Like I said earlier, there are some weeks where she springs it on us that she needs us to watch him.. like an hour or two before she plans on bringing him... when those situations arise there can be some drama between my boyfriend and BM. She doesn't want to hear "no" from him, and always calls him names when he won't do exactly what she wants, when she wants it.

My happiness in my relationship outweighs any BMD by a lot. I really do love my boyfriend and I love his son and his family. Everything's been amazing since we split and got back together. Boyfriend stands up to BM more.. like when she tries to push something on us at the last second, he asks me.. "Do you have plans or can you take him early?" instead of just caving in.

Now on to nomoredrama's post.. sorry this is so long! I have a lot to say. :X

I have invested a lot in my boyfriend's son.. but again, I didn't come in like a bat out of hell trying to play Mommy #2. I never asked him to call me mommy / mom / step mom / anything of the sort, and I have never discouraged him spending time with his parents. I never pushed my way in to spend time with him. If I'm here he'll come in and ask me to play with him, read a book to him, etc. Their son does talk about me a LOT and I'm sure it bothers her... I don't like that it bothers her, I don't want her to have to worry about me. I obviously don't do it on purpose or tell him "go tell mommy about me".

I moved in with my boyfriend. He has had his own house for a while and his son has always had a room here. BM didn't have a place when he met her (she was staying on a friend's couch) and she got pregnant after 2 weeks. Obviously it wasn't planned and they weren't sure what to do. They were going to have an abortion but decided against it, so my boyfriend moved BM in here.

According to boyfriend & his family they never got along, but he stayed with her for the child. He said she didn't work, didn't clean, didn't do laundry. She actually got in a physical altercation with my boyfriend's mother over it... anyway.. A couple months after the child was born it got to be too much and he asked her to leave & the arranged a split schedule for their son. At that point she got a part time job at a pizza place and moved in with her dad. This was when we were helping her with money because she was only working 3 days a week and only making maybe $30 or $40 a day.

I do agree with treading carefully and I've been trying my best. I only talk to my boyfriend about her and it'll just be small things like "Hey next time you talk to her can you mention that his homework hasn't been done for a week now?" and he handles it. I don't talk to anyone else about her, I don't post on social networking sites about her at all. I don't go to bars anymore or areas where I know she might be.

The thing I need to figure out, after talking to you guys, is how to detach myself a bit more from their son's life. Just this morning I had to make cookie dough and obviously I'm not going to tell him he can't help. In a couple minutes I'm going to make him lunch, get him ready for school and take him to the bus. If I'm not here doing it then no one is here doing it. Do I hire a baby sitter? I'm not sure how to take a step back.

[truthbtold]

"My happiness in my relationship outweighs any BMD by a lot. I really do love my boyfriend and I love his son and his family. Everything's been amazing since we split and got back together. Boyfriend stands up to BM more.. "


Okay, that story was really lovely. However, I am not totally on about exactly what you want now. Initially, it was the same type of post, more or less, that all of the new women post about..........BM and the drama. Seemed like you didn't understand why she still behaves like a donkey's behind after all of this time. After comments by Nomoredrama and I, you are now inquiring as to the relationship with the son. Why? I don't know because according to the above and some, what's happening now works for y'all and you don't mind. My skepticism tends to come in with the purpose of many of these posts. Meaning, the new women going on and on, making sure to list how trifling the BM is of course, and it's always the same stuff. Interesting and sad how so many of these men procreated with said bummy women and I guess they then come up with the new woman. So again, if you assist your boyfriend with his kid, the BM seems to benefit from it, and you don't seem to mind, why ask how to detach yourself from the kid? What myself and others would do may be different than what you are doing, but that's us. You provided, of course if you are being totally forthright, that you are not trying to replace his mom, staying in your place, yada yada yada, so then what's the issue? I just believe that the more the new woman does for the kid, a certain level of expectancy, etc., creeps in and the more that woman will start to get involved trying to co-parent with the other two. There have been plenty of posts that supports my belief. They start with the we and our right off the bat.

[truthbtold]

Dec 19, 2013 12:09:39 GMT -5 nomoredrama said:

YOU shouldn't have to hire a sitter. His dad or mother can hire a sitter. However, I encourage you to talk to your BF about how you can make the situation better.

You can continue to do what you are doing but remember that the BM doesn't owe you ANYTHING because you choose to be overly involved. You shouldn't send messages to the BM through your BF or anyone else admonishing her because HER child's homework was not done. That is not your place. If your BF has concerns about it, he should address it with the BM without prompting from you.


I have dealt with a nutty and violent BM before so I understand. I was physically assaulted by her as well. The best advice I can give you is not to have any contact with her AT.ALL. What I have discovered is that the BM in my situation is who she is. There was nothing that I could have done to change her. She enjoyed playing victim. She enjoyed being messy and starting drama.

I must have fell and bumped my head at one time (LMBO) because I actually tried to be friends with the BM once upon a time. She would spend time on the phone WITH ME reminiscing about she & my DH. But the most telling thing that she said to me was, "When I know something bothers a person, I keep doing it". That spoke VOLUMES to me. She knew that I was bothered with her trying to have inappropriate conversations with my DH. She knew that I didn't like her trying to be in our business. I had reacted in the past to her silly games, so she learned what she could do to bother me.

I learned why DH used to tell me, "She is trying to get to you. Don't let her". When I stopped reacting, the drama died down. A person will only perform if they have an audience. Don't be her audience.

I know it will be hard but also try not to parent her kid. That only makes her more angry and want to lash out. It doesn't matter how much you do for the kid, it is still her child and she doesn't feel that gives you any say or a right to judge how she raises her kid.

THIS!!!^^ One question though NMD, what do you mean at the underlined above (first paragraph)?

[truthbtold]

Dec 19, 2013 12:28:20 GMT -5 nomoredrama said:

I don't think she should make changes JUST because we suggested it. I think she should talk to her boyfriend about how they feel and they make any changes they feel necessary together. They know her situation a lot better than us. For example, if they feel stepping back will help minimize the drama thus making the situation better for her, then that is what she does.

I know I am not going to order my life just based on some advice from strangers on the internet. I accept the advice and make any changes, if necessary, after discussing with my DH.

Oh of course, yes yes yes. I said similar as well.

[truthbtold]

Regarding a babysitter, I don't know what exactly you do from home and it appears that the child is gone for at least 3 hours or so a day, if I am understanding correctly but when he is home, how does that affect your work productivity? Caring for a toddler can be very draining.

[mn]

This is why I initially wrote my post: I was getting upset that BM wasn't doing things my boyfriend & I felt were important for their son. My boyfriend and their son's teacher both said multiple times that his homework has to be done daily & he has to have a book read to him daily but BM still wasn't doing it... There have been a LOT of other issues, but I used the homework one as my example. I was looking for advice or comments from other people involved in a situation like mine on how to "fix" it. But...

After reading multiple other posts on these forums, and reading what you guys have been saying to me, I do understand that I shouldn't worry about what she's doing or why. I shouldn't worry about why she acts the way she acts or treat me the way she does. I know 100% now that contacting her about ANYTHING is a terrible idea, where before I was honestly considering saying something to her. And by say something I don't mean some bullnuts "I'm here to help you" crap. Just text her when something important comes up... like "Hey, he accidentally forgot his homework folder at school".. basic things. My boyfriend just gets so terribly busy at work & then sometimes he forgets to mention things to her. I know I should let that be his responsibility now.

You both said I should try to step back and not be so involved in their son's life, that's why I questioned if we should have a baby sitter here to watch him during the day when my boyfriend isn't home.. so that I'm not playing too big of a role in his life vs his parents, which would cut down on BMD.

Again, after reading other posts, and reading what you two have said to me, I have a better idea of how to handle the situation. I am just a helper here. I'm here to support my boyfriend and his decisions. If BM doesn't want to do homework with her son I will just leave those pages blank in his homework packet and not let it bother me. If she wants to hoot and holler at my boyfriend I trust that he will handle it the way he sees fit.

truthbtold you said: "I have dealt with a nutty and violent BM before so I understand. I was physically assaulted by her as well. The best advice I can give you is not to have any contact with her AT.ALL. What I have discovered is that the BM in my situation is who she is. There was nothing that I could have done to change her. She enjoyed playing victim. She enjoyed being messy and starting drama."

The only thing that does worry at the back of my mind is being physically assaulted or stalker by her again. I do have to be aware of my surroundings.

Also to answer your question about working from home: I have no issues having him here. If I ask him to go play alone in his room he's perfectly happy doing so. He has army men & we made forts out of card board boxes and he'll spend hours playing with them. He doesn't act wild or throw tantrums, he isn't overly needy. He does talk a lot and can have a terrible attitude sometimes, but that's really it.

Did I miss anything?

[mn]

He is taking me to Hawaii for Valentines day so maybe he does realize I do a lot for him.

Thanks so much for your advice. Yall did really help me throw some of my selfish feelings out the window.

[truthbtold]

"truthbtold you said: "I have dealt with a nutty and violent BM before so I understand. I was physically assaulted by her as well. The best advice I can give you is not to have any contact with her AT.ALL. What I have discovered is that the BM in my situation is who she is. There was nothing that I could have done to change her. She enjoyed playing victim. She enjoyed being messy and starting drama."



For clarification, this is not my story; NMD wrote this. Unfortunately, this was her experience.


"The only thing that does worry at the back of my mind is being physically assaulted or stalker by her again. I do have to be aware of my surroundings."



Totally understandable, especially when you are a person without that rah rah mentality. I am very much anti-violence but am very much pro self-defense. God forbid if a situation was to arise with her, you have a right to defend yourself. Of course be aware of your surroundings and don't be fearful to get law enforcement involved. Keep a paper trail and file a Restraining Order against her. If your boyfriend was to discourage you in anyway if you were to pursue that avenue, that would be a huge problem in my opinion.

To me, regarding involvement with the son, just seems like you do a lot. For me, too much but I am not you and you have to deal with your current reality the way you deem fit. Something that you and your boyfriend discuss. You know? Again, if you don't have an issue with helping the way that you do now, because you want to help him and can do so without putting any bugs in his ear to relay to her, or getting upset at how she is, etc., then if it works for you, so be it. Proposing a babysitter may put your boyfriend off, but in all fairness I don't see how he could take a major exception to it, but he might. Again, let me stress I am not saying to hire one, but in the event that you seriously consider it.


"This is why I initially wrote my post: I was getting upset that BM wasn't doing things my boyfriend & I felt were important for their son."


See, this type of thinking........"my boyfriend" & I, "I was getting upset" is where the new women are getting too involved. It's nice that you care about his son, but chill out moving forward.


"My boyfriend just gets so terribly busy at work & then sometimes he forgets to mention things to her. I know I should let that be his responsibility now."


As a helper, just remind him. Even contacting her to say he forgot his homework folder at school is not a good idea or necessary. Single parents do what they have to do all the time. When your husband gets home sometimes, let him do the homework with his soon. It may a little later in the evening, but hey such is life.

[truthbtold]

Dec 19, 2013 13:51:57 GMT -5 nomoredrama said:

Your boyfriend should be thankful that he has you. You are taking on a whole lot that you don't have to and shouldn't have to.

I hope things get better in your situation. :-P

True indeed.