Lets suppose...

[memyslfni]

Sooo since we come here to vent... suppose your bm with never ending drama frequents this board. What would you like her to know about herself, yourself, the kids, dh? I thought this post might help those that do a great job at putting bm's needs for attention on the back burner...

[memyslfni]

One thing I'd like for the child(bm) to know is that dh is happy where he is and all her contemplating on when he will finally leave me is a waste of time on her part. Yeah he may have came back to you in the past but he's with me now and he wont be coming back to you. So ur best bet is to find some sort of mental stability with someone/something. And I know its hard to accept the fact that he's still with me and not you but there are ways to get over it. Im sure you'll find some kind of support, I mean come on u found your way here right! Lets face it he got tired of being your little peasant boy long before I came, so lets take your focus off me and look within yourself...Who knows you might find a glitch somewhere in that perfect little mind of yours..

[gemmani]

I'd let her know that the time for manipulation has ended. He left you, hasn't come back, so what makes you think you still have power over him? You don't. Why don't you pick up your children from the sitter? Spend time with them? Maybe then they won't be so attention-starved when they get to my house. Maybe they'll stop saying all those things about you like, "we're not supposed to bother mommy, we'll get in trouble" or "mommy said she won't pick us up" or "mommy said that you don't love us". I'm kind of sick of making excuses for you when they cry about it. If MY children said that about me, I'd be heartbroken. I guess it doesn't matter to you, you just want to seek revenge on their dad. I just want to say, I'll be here years from now when you come crying b/c your children want nothing to do with you........

[nomoredrama]

"Sooo since we come here to vent... suppose your bm with never ending drama frequents this board. What would you like her to know about herself, yourself, the kids, dh? I thought this post might help those that do a great job at putting bm's needs for attention on the back burner... " I'll have fun with this one. ;D

MYSELF - I try to be kind and treat you with respect but you take my kindness for weakness. I am not married to you nor did I father your child. DO NOT expect me to handle YOUR personal business. I offer support to my DH and not YOU! If you have not received your child support and I confirmed that it has been paid, CHECK ON IT YOURSELF!! If you are too STUPID to make sure a doctor is part of the insurance network, don't call me when the claim is billed to the deductible because you took the child to an out of network provider. I DON'T CARE!!! DH & I have provided you with the insurance card. You could have contacted the insurance carrier to make sure the doctor was in network (phone & internet). You didn't choose any method so now you must suffer the consequence and pay the doctor's bill. Don't call ME whining and expect me to solve it for you. You are a grown woman! Handle your own affairs...And, I don't want to be your friend. I have enough of them. With a friend like you, I don't need enemies! I have turned over a new leaf this year. You have to give respect to me if you want respect from me. The gloves are OFF!

DH - Just leave him alone. He doesn't want you. He doesn't want to be your friend either. Whenever he has tried to deal with you in the past, you have been EXHAUSTING for him. Let him have a relationship with his child. You moved out of the continental US to spite DH. But, who did you hurt except yourself and your child? You are struggling financially and your child has not had a decent relationship with her father in 6 years. Are you proud of yourself? Do you think you have hurt him? No, you have not! Thanks to God, we have prospered....Yes, DH is a very good father to OUR children, so stop making your snide comments. I don't have ANY complaints. I don't respond to your snide comments because I don't have to prove how good of a father my DH is to our children. You are irrelevant and we don't care what you think. He was a good father to your child until you moved her away....Did you expect him to chase after you? NOT!

Child - The child is 14 years old and is fully capable of speaking with her father without your interference. And, why do you listen to every word of DH & SD's conversation? What are you hiding? What are you afraid that SD will say? You have brainwashed her enough. The child has to ask you if she can give her dad her address!!! That is crazy! One day the child will realize that you are the reason she does not have a decent relationship with her father. You have made it IMPOSSIBLE for him to have a meaningful relationship with with her. You have total control over YOUR child....Are you proud of yourself?

BM - You are a jealous hearted, manipulative, hypocrite. Your actions for the last 13 years have been to punish DH because he did not want to be in a relationship with a woman who slept with his best friend. But, who has been REALLY punished? You have carried around this resentment for a long time. DH has become a law enforcement officer. DH & I have been blessed with 2 beautiful healthy children. DH doesn't give you the time of day. You have sent several emails and called to let him know how angry you are with him. He has never responded to you in anger. He has listened patiently to you. When you have emailed him in anger telling him that you were going to pray for him, he never responded in kind. We thanked you because we can all benefit from prayer. When DH called from Iraq to speak with his child and you monopolized the conversation by telling him about your financial troubles, he listened intently and offered advice..."Why don't move back home. We can help you more with SD." He did not rush you off of the phone because you were using up his daytime minutes talking about yourself instead of letting him speak with his child. He never once lashed out at you for taking his child away from him.

My DH does not respond to your crazy antics. He tries to exercise patience with you. In the beginning of our marriage, he used to lash out at your antics but we both have learned not to. DH has matured and treats you respectfully since you are his child's mother. But, I have noticed that when he was arguing with you and walking around angry, he did not have a problem seeing his child. It was only after he stopped arguing with you and responding to you that you started withholding his child. Maybe you thought that some attention was better than no attention. He has grown, we both have; but it appears that you have not.

You are supposed to be a Christian but you try to use the bible as a weapon. For whatever reason you feel that you have to be angry, remember what the bible says about forgiveness: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.

We have forgiven you of all of your antics time and again. But we have learned to tread carefully with you. You have called to tell my DH different facets of your life not relating to the child. He has listened respectfully and congratulated you for your accomplishments. We have BOTH congratulated you. We understand that when you prosper, your child does also. You, unfortunately, do not have that insight. You get jealous and resentful if my DH & I prosper....But, it is not a competition. A competition involves two competitors. We don't compete with you but are genuinely happy when you do well. We are also thankful for what God has BLESSED us with.

And, we are thankful for SD because she is indeed a BLESSING from God. Please remember that when you are tempted to treat her like a possession.

[nomoredrama]

It would truly be a Blessing if BM frequented the board and recognized herself in a lot of the post.

[memyslfni]

Yeah that would be great. I think sometimes they need to hear it from someone of their own gender, rather than their bd, their mother or friends who may not keep it 100% real with them about their foolish attempts to get bd back.

[hey]

BM- you have made the last 5 years of my life miserable. shame on you dude. You act as if i took my DH away from you. You were the one who said you left the state to get away from him, you was the one that slept with his d**n dad thinking it would really cause some drama (why would it) you just made him HATE you even more, you was the one who decided after 3 abortion you would decide to have a child after finding out he had one on the way, (competition will get you no where but in the situation your in lol) you was the one that make a complete fool of yourself every time you show up at a family function thinking it's all good. they don't like you, they just like drama. you was the one that took your child out of the state after you found we were getting married- best believe you better be glad he didn't file kidnap charges against your butt. (it's a law) OOOWWWEEEE it's just been all about you. I'm sick of you

DH- i wish you really understood what goes on in my head about this whole situation. I love you unconditional but dude i'm bout ready!!!!lol

DH family- you all can kiss my butt for always thinking it's cool to have this past chick involved with everything you do. she is not your family her child is. Why can't she drop the baby off and keep it moving. How can you put her before your own son
Shame on all of you

wow ...that felt good

[memyslfni]

Like a breath of fresh air...Exhale ladies.. its time to breathe again... ;D And always remember to avoid letting bm's antics get in the way of your duties of being a great mother, father, wife, husband etc...Keep the focus on you and yours and everything else will fall in place..

[youknowwhatitis]

To Bd: Well you got what you wanted freedom from responsibility. How does it feel......it probably feels like Sh*t because you don't have the mental faculties to truly enjoy it. You lack the most important part of life to have health...because health is wealth. You spread lies about me to make it seem like I was the cause of your problems so you could avoid responsibility and it BACKFIRED on you, yes it worked on YOUR family but God was displeased and removed the hedge of protection he had around you.......you will spend the rest of your life disabled. Are you enjoying your freedom. Probably not. You stay away as you are jealous that me and my son are doing oh so well with out you....you overestimated your importance to us. Through you were trying to weaken me in return I was made strong. The hole you dug for me now consumes you. I have grown....I now feel sorry for you.

Our son gets older and wiser everyday...he is such as great kid and he is loved so very much and he knows it. He is my sun, moon, and stars the most valuable thing you ever gave me me.....I still have the diamonds but they are not worth more than our son. Also I appreciate your financial contribution every month (ladies I am a true BM!) Other than that I hope your happy but I'm pretty sure you're not...I dont want to be your miserable company and neither does our son. Good Luck with the rest of your life.

BD's family: I have really grown a lot recently....tellit you were right (don't take it to the head) it's not about ME. It's about the baby. I am a grown woman who is smart and strong enough to take care of myself and my child. I don't need your help....and I don't need your support. Feel free to continue withholding it, you don't mean anything to me I am not in your family and I would never want to be...I truly hate that my son is...but since you treat him like he's not family I believe he is the lucky one. Who you are is determined by what you do. If you truly cared about your son you would be concerned about his son. Instead of blaming his son for ruining HIS life. It was his irresponsibility and poor decision making that ruined his life. You can't love or care about my son because if you did your negative feelings about me or the accident would not impact how you treat him. My son is blessed to have a strong mom and a good maternal family. All I have to say to you is you tried to bring me down and YOU FAILED. You can't keep a child of God down. My son does not need you with family like you....who needs enemies. We fully accept your lack of involvement with us and do not wish to have any involvement with you. Go on with your lives because we are moving on with ours. You all have some serious problems and I hope and pray that one day you will get them fixed.

Sincerely,

A BM who is no longer scorned!!!!!!!

[nomoredrama]

Keia, sometimes we just have to STOP and take a GOOD look at things and our situations. It is hard to be a single mom but women have a choice. A BM can focus on the BD and the things that she wants but can't have...or the BM can move on with her life and focus on herself and her child. When she chooses to focus on herself and her child, the BM may see a lot of improvement in her circumstance. But, she can't let the BD be the complete driving force behind her improvement.

When my DH's BM moved out of state, her situation did improve. But, I believe her complete focus was to SHOW my DH what he could have had. Everytime she accomplished something good, she called or emailed to let him know about it. Essentially, she was bragging about it. We congratulated her even still. When the BM fell on hard times, she was embarrassed to tell my DH about it until it was TOO late. She has to keep so many secrets (she lost her job, her home went into foreclosure, etc) that she is a BEAST to deal with now. What she doesn't understand is that WE don't EVER want to see her fail. We love to see her doing well.

Your BD may also feel that way about you.

[youknowwhatitis]

Tellit....trust me my bd is nowhere near as noble as yours. He does want to see me fail, he does want to see me be less than him...now that I replay the relationship secretly he always has. He is not the sole driving force behind my success....I have always wanted to be a career woman and a mom....I am simply accomplishing my goals. Something him and his family were hoping I would never accomplish because he won't get a chance to accomplish his. What I'm simply saying is......when you dig a ditch for one you better dig one for two because you usually end up in it. I don't love my bd or like him.....if he hadn't been in the accident we wouldn't be together. He has written me letters trying to get back with me. I don't want him.......truthfully never did he wasn't my type......but what really hurt me behind it all is I thought we were supposed to be FRIENDS. I had long come to the conclusion that he wasn't for me. But i thought we were friends and that things would turn out better than they did. He showed his true colors he never cared about anyone but himself....that's what he ended up with by himself. I could have him back at the drop of a dime....what good is he gonna do me NONE. It's your situation kinda vice versa.

[youknowwhatitis]

Oh yeah.....karma....that's why things are going all bad for your BM. Karma is a pregnant dog.

[jaylady999]

*THIS IS A CUTE TOPIC*

Letter to the BM

You probably dont know this, but you've been the source of a lot of issues in my household earlier on in my relationship with your BD. You dont know it because I've always taken the higher road and always dealt with him on any issues I had with you and your pettyness from the very beginning. All the unncessary telephone calls to him, wanting to play family with him when it was one of the kids birthdays, etc. Don't think it went unnoticed and dont think for a second that the reason all of that was halted wasnt because of me. I ended the games single handedly. It may have taken a bit of time, and I never had to speak a word to you about it, but it ended because I put a stop to it.

See you've never caused any direct drama to me specifically. You've never flattened my tires, keyed my car, or even spoken to me directly, not once. You were more subtle with the drama you brought. You tried to indirectly let me know that while I had the man, you had his kids, therefore you would always be first priority. And he fell for that gig for awhile, but as the kids got older, the games got older too. I was only his girlfriend back then, so I let a lot of things slide because I was confident in the relationship I had with him no matter what you tried to pull. I let him handle you because you were HIS BM not MINE.

But now I am his wife and I think you are at a point where you realize that I am here to stay, but no worries, I am not here to play a game of who is the better woman. You have history with him, I not only understand it, but I respect it too. Your BD is an excellent father, and I am glad you finally realize that to mess that up with childishness and games would be detrimental to the welfare of your children.

I love them to pieces, and if you ask me how many children I have, for all intents and purposes, I will say 3(counting my one and your two), but I realize that I am not their mother, nor will I try to be. But I am their STEPmother and as long as they are in my care, I will nurture them, feed them, take care of them just as you do when they are in your care.

Its important for me to let you know this because you and I have never had words, good bad or indifferent, we just havent. So I want to let you know where I am coming from.

Jay~

[Chalan]

Letter to BM.

I tried to be patient and allowed you all access in the beginning of my relationship with your BD because I thought it was beneficial to your child. I now realize I was wrong because you thought this access made you the woman in BD’s life. You didn’t realize he was just trying to keep the peace for his child’s sake. You thought you had the right to question BD regarding all matters in his life. Maintain your focus because your only concern should be your child! BD doesn’t care about your life; he listens for his child’s sake, so stop trying to make him your best friend. The truth is he can’t stand you. Try as might to conclude this is because of me but you did that on your own long before I came into the picture. Your trifling, manipulative, jealous ways KILLED any true friendship you might have. Do you think he appreciates you telling your daughter he doesn’t love her because he didn’t act they way you wanted him to? Having his daughter spy on him? You are a piece of work. Oh and don’t make this about me being insecure because in all honestly, it takes a very secure woman to enter into this type of relationship. Who do you think told BD it was ok for you to come to my home? Who do you think tried to see things from your perspective? I now realize I should have left it alone because he knew the TRUE you.

You were successful in killing my relationship with your daughter when you realize the bond we were creating. I guess you didn’t like that I was smart intelligent woman and didn’t’ fit the “ghetto chick type” you told your daughter I was. Even she questioned some of the things you told her about me. Don’t worry sweetie, my relationship will get better with her, her Dad is seeing to that. It is just a shame that he has to point out all of the lies you tell to her. You are really setting a great example for her. No wonder she lies to you now. I want to thank you though. Your behavior has given strength to me and the BD to be better parents to our son. His eyes are fully open to you now. Hurts doesn’t it?

I handled all of this is stride BUT you lost your mind when I became pregnant. I guess you realized then that you would not be together again one day. (What a joke)! So you stoop to telling me about your relationship with him. What woman in her right mind continues to lay with a man that would deny her publicly? I guess that would be your dumb a**. I have too much pride for that. There are too many men out there for that. Honestly, if it had been any other woman besides you, I may have entertained the idea for a small second. Rests assure he would have put those thoughts to rest. It is clear from BD’s actions where he wants to be. He is always home. He is not held hostage. I don’t have to result to these crazy tactics for a man to stay. Unlike you, I only want to be with someone who cherishes me and wants to be with me. Also you fail to realize that BD would not be with you even if I weren’t in the picture. You did that. Please go be happy with your BF.

So let me make this loud and clear, you are not on my level so don’t try to be. I realized this when your horns sprouted. There is no competition here. But if there was, YOU LOSE. I will crush you if you attempt to harm my family, and I don’t mean just physically.

[jaylady999]

Thats some good stuff Chalan.