Cheating on his girlfriend with baby mama

[jones123]

I was with my ex for only 1 1/2 years. Towards the end I got pregnant. Some months after we broke up he started dating this other girl.

He cheated on her for months with me. I still really wanted to make our family work and I always hoped he would eventually leave her for me. After our baby was born, one time we got in a huge fight and I ended up telling the girl that he was cheating on her. So they broke up.... We were about to get back together when about a month later she tells him shes pregnant. So now he gets back with her just because shes pregnant. But of course she doesnt know that because she thinks they are in love and happy. I still dont understand how she could just trust him so easily.

But...he still cheats on her with me. I kept trying to stop it, even though I really want to be with him, I know that its wrong and I need to get over him, especially now hes stuck with this girl. But he just wont let it stop. Not without a fight anyway.

So now this girl is almost 7 months pregnant....with twins. Shes only 18. They are now living together and hes still cheating on her with me. She thinks hes just coming over to see his baby, but every time hes here, he cheats on her. So she has no idea. I know it bothers her that he sees me because she knew of his cheating before she was pregnant, but she cant say anything because he has to see his son.

Now hes telling me he doesnt even want to be with her anymore, that hes in love with me and he wants us to be together someday. So hes begging me to keep up this side-affair til he can break it off with her. But he wants to stay with her for awhile to make sure shes okay with the twins first....


I just dont know what to do. I really love him and wish I could be with him...but I dont like how he is handling this. I dont like how Im handling it either. Sometimes I wish I could break free...but its so hard. I have to see him all the time because he comes and sees our son.


So any advice would be appreciated...Im just so lost in all this mess.

[tellit]

Your child's father is using both you and the other woman. He is having his cake and eating it too. He is playing both of you. He is telling you one thing to make you believe that he is still interested in you. He is lying to the other woman too. Men will do what we ALLOW them to do. Men treat us the way we TEACH them to treat us. Your man (and I use the term loosely) has been taught by you and the other woman that he can say and do whatever he wants.

You two are SHARING him. If you are going to do that, why not just move in together and become one big happy family. He won't have to go back and forth between two houses. He can run back and forth between bedrooms.

No, seriously. You are putting your and your child's health at risk. Do you know that new HIV cases rose by 50% in 2006? Not only is HIV on the rise, other STDs (like herpes) are on the rise as well. The cases are on the rise because people are making unwise decisions regarding their body. I am willing to bet that BD is sleeping with someone else besides his other BM...If you have never caught a disease, it will happen as long as you continue to sleep with him...When you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas (or something worse).

Your body is a temple and you are allowing your child's father to disrespect you and your temple. Have more respect for yourself and move on with your life without your child's father. He can still be in your child's life, just not in your life. If it will be hard for you, (since you obviously care for him), then let him take the child for a visit OUTSIDE of your house. Remember that his visit with his child is not about you but about the child. You have to break free from this man...Be STRONG.

[jaylady999]

I could not have said any of that any better myself.

[gemmani]

This will continue for as long as you ALLOW it to. You have to build your self-esteem up, because no one with self-assurance would allow this to happen. Please work on yourself and become the strong woman you should be. Then find yourself someone who will treat you they way you deserve.

[jones123]

Well I know hes not sleeping with anyone else... he doesnt have a way to even do that.

He never came across as the typical cheating type, that will just sleep with any girl. He was never like that with me. He was stupid for starting a relationship with this girl when he was just mad at me but still knew he really wanted to be with me.

I know he still loves me and hes not just using me....but I do question whether he really does ever think he could leave this girl. I also worry that hes just doing this because he doesnt want me to be with anyone else.


I dont think hes worth waiting for. After all the mistakes hes made, I just dont think it could ever happen. We have been broken up for over a year and that whole time I tried to stop so many times. But when ever I tell him I dont want to do anything like that he practically attacks me and begs. I still love him and Im lonely so its incredibly hard to say no. He just wont listen to me.

I know I wont be able to stop being with him until I can actually say I want to get over him. I just dont want to let him go.... I dont know how to.




I live with my mom and we both agree that we wouldnt feel comfortable letting him take the baby with him anywhere. At least not now while hes still so young.

[gemmani]

Please re-read your initial post. Now if a close friend or family member was in that situation, what would you say to them.
Please don't get it twisted........he IS USING BOTH OF YOU. If he really loved you, this entire situation would not even exist. There would be no other female, there'd be no other pregnancies. If he loved you he would be with you. Love isn't supposed to be like this at all.

If he's doing it to keep you from other guys, that makes him SELFISH. If he won't give you the relationship you deserve, how DARE he try to prevent you from doing so! Please stop making excuses for his behavior. He doesn't love you or the other girl, he's immature and selfish.

Girl....it's time for you to start loving YOU. If you really love yourself and your baby, you would not let this continue. Sorry to be so harsh, but you really have to understand that you deserve way better than this.

[jaylady999]

Jones123, you have to absolutely know that you deserve better than this. This man does not love you and he does not love her. He only loves himself and he is very selfish. I have to wonder how he really feels about his children to put their mothers through such emotional and physchological issues that he has to realize are only being passed down through his own children through you and the other Bm because of the games that he is playing with the both of you trying to have his cake and eat it too. Love yourself, free yourself, find yourself someone who actually deserves to be loved by you. Or even better you can take this time to find yourself and figure out what it is you want from a man and know that is is ok to alone for awhile. Its better to not have anyone in your life right now than to have someone who is putting you through what this man is.

[jones123]

I know its not what I deserve. I know I could probably find someone who would love me better.

But you cant say that he doesnt love me. No one knows how our relationship actually was. My family does tell me I need to move on and everything, but they wouldnt say he doesnt love me.

He doesnt know how to love someone correctly, thats for sure. Or put the person he loves above himself at all times. But I know the love is there, and it always was there. Hes done a lot of bad things but I never once doubted that he loved me.

But I suppose the point is....Love just isnt enough when theres so many problems. People make mistakes, but sometimes you just cant get past them.

So really I just have to figure out how to get away from it. Ive tried and failed so many times.

[youknowwhatits]

Sometimes boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are like traps. We get in them and our feelings get caught up and maybe we have a child and we just feel trapped. Don't want to leave...too scary.........don't want to stay........too uncomfortable. I see now why my pastor advises against dating casually you can get trapped before you know. Now your BD has gotten himself trapped in another situation with this woman who is about to have twins.......tellit already told you about the risk to your health so I'm not even going to repeat that. But what if he has to pay child support for those twins.....twins are a lot of work she's going to need him and financial support from him. What if he spends all his money on the twins and theirs nothing left for your child? This situation is a trap and from the looks of it you have lost and you will continue losing if you stay in the situation. And if you lose honey, your child loses too. Leave if you can't do for yourself do it for your child. He or she deserves better than that!!!

[gemmani]

No where in your post did I see any behavior resembling LOVE.

If someone LOVES you, this behavior would not exist. He may care for you, He may like you a lot. But that's not LOVE. Whatever the relationship WAS, is not how it is NOW.

You sound kind of young (not that I'm old at all!) How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

[tellit]

Besides in the bedroom, how else does your BD SHOW you that he loves you (talk is cheap). Does he show you that he loves everytime he walks out the door and goes home with to the other woman? Did he show you that he loved you when he had a new born child with you but began seeing another woman.

You BD has only shown you that he has absolutely NO respect for you or the other woman. Forget what BD has to say (again, talk is cheap); he is SHOWING you how he feels about you. You just don't want to SEE it.

Everyone can see that this guy is a ZERO (the woman on this website, probably your friends, and your family). You can't turn a ZERO into a HERO. You must have respect for yourself and your body. Life is not a game and right now you are allowing your child's father to PLAY with you. Stop making excuses for him. You just need to EXCUSE him out of your life.

[amillmack]

First of all, I hope you were using protection because this is how young women today are getting HIV at an alarming rate. This man is never going to change. He's lying to the both of you and both of you are putting up with it. Be a strong woman and let him go. If you want to do the right thing, go get child support and get a custody order giving him visitation. That way, he gets to visit, you get your support and he can lie to the other woman, but I hope she wises up to the situation, too and gets rid of his lying a$$.

When my last boyfriend got caught redhanded cheating, I tossed his sh*t out and changed the locks and haven't spoke to him since. There is no sorry for lying and trying to give me all kinds of diseases and you should feel the same way about yourself. Take him off the pedestal and put yourself up there.

[tienee]

No Disrespect. But you are stupid that man does not love you he loves your stupidity. Some men love a dumb woman and you are playing the role. you are stepping on somebody elses toes. he's probably feeding her the same the lies. he is getting so much sex. and you only have a piece of him no matter how you put it. you need to first love yourself and once you do that you'll know exactly what you need in a man. because you'll already know what you want. you share a son with him and if he is a good father he'll be there regardless if you with him or not. you said his girlriend is easy , so what does that make you. you are allowing yourself to be disrespected. he's laying with you and her. you need to be strong break it off for you and your son because nothing can come from all this but hurt and pain and you need to show your son a strong woman so that when he grows up he know how to treat a woman. much love to you i hope you get it together, you have to first respect yourself and when you do men will see that and as many men love a woman with low self-esteem or the other half loves a woman who know her self worth. so love yourself and love your child and love his father for helping you bring that child in the world but, you'll never be happy until you let him go.

[ladyyyyb]

Me and my boyfriend have been talking for 7 years off and on but I have been through so much with him he have cheating on me had another baby on me and still cheating what I need to do as a woman as a mother please help me understand what I am not seeing.

[happylover767]

I have had the same problem for a year now my bf swears he loves me and not his BM he has given me everything a woman can ask for except loyalty IDK why he always sleeps around with his BM I am a really beautiful and understanding person and I say that in the most humblest way but his BM looks like crap & is crazy annoying...but I just finally gave in and let her have him it is something I simply can not win. It hurts me because we have shared so many good moments together he tells me to please not leave him that he does not love her but just dose not want to see another man raising his children what kind excuse is that? the only reason I have stayed this long is because I have so much love for him and I know he does for me to but I no longer have he energy to compete with a woman that does not measure up to me in any way possible I guess its my ego talking but its the only voice I need to hear so I dont end up being baby mama number 2. Any woman going thorough this I would say to not compromise he knows exactly what he is getting into if his baby mama is like the one I had to deal with ... no goals.. no ambition.. no education... she will always rely on him and wait for him because there is simply nothing better going on or will go on in her life. I hate to leave my bf stuck with her but I guess its ultimately what he wanted dont lower your standards and be brain washed by what these dudes say men are selfish they will have their cake and eat it to if you let them. Dont let them bring you down I used to me proud self sufficient and confident woman but all this man has done is break me down in every way by continuing to see his baby mother. Dont cheat yourself from meeting other people when you having a man that isnt confident enough to leave his past you have your whole life ahead of you