Why would I want him if........

[daddyinpdx]

Youknowwhatitis,

You truely fail to realize that anger in your boosom has the potential to "mutate" your sons character and ability.

Women have the gift and power to influence. You can either influence a child to become a President or to become a Prisonor. That's your choice.

Many men become Pimps because of a mothers hate for their fathers or because they peeped the game of the momas drama that drove away his father.

A mothers anger becomes the venom that rocks the males immune system. What your son sees in you is what he will see in a women.

Visit a Prison and ask men how they truely arrived there? You can trace it back to two things, family of origin and then anger.

You risk forefitting your reward by placing "child support" at the forefront of moterhood.

It makes you look like a "PIMP" and you son a "PROSTITUTE"

You soon need to make up your mind and either allow the situation to poison your reason or allow it to mature you into a solid mother.

Many a woman made it without the fathers funds and their children became great athletes, entertainers, and musicians, but they also became fractured souls that fumbled fortunes.

You should be on your knees asking the Lord to bring you favor with men who can provide a positive influence in your sons life.

Men who can respect your feminimity by not compelling you to have sex in exchange for mentoring your children.

God can and will place good men in the path of you and the children. By the way, how can you hate men and say you love God which is a man.

Sounds foolish.

[daddyinpdx]

Tellitlikeitis,

I wasn't raised in a foster home, but by practically strangers who God sent in my life. My mom was mentally ill for my entire life. I was a frequent visitor of insane assylums for longer than I remember.

This had a great impact on my relations with women. For a long time there was a gapping whole in my heart when it came to women.

This is probably why I liked dating older women and drinking aged wine. This is also why I had to go through so much in relationships. I had to pick up the pieces along the way to become the man that I am today.

No pain, no gain.

[gemmani]

I've dated my fair share of men (boys). I went through my fair share of heartbreak. Some of those dudes were complete losers, others were good people, just not compatible. I spent time with myself between relationships. I've lived by myself, in a college dorm, in a house with roommates, and now with my fiance. I learned something from every single relationship that I had. I learned what I will and will not tolerate. I learned that the outer appearance means NOTHING if the person doesn"t have personality and humor. I once dated the finest man I've ever seen, only to be disgusted and bored silly about a month into the relationship.

Most importantly, I learned how to make myself happy. I learned not to rely on anyone else for my own success and hapiness, that it comes from within. I really think that is most important in a relationship, how to satisfy yourself (my mind went straight into the gutter with that last line, lol), and how to be alone. The satisfaction you get when you've accomplished something on your own is amazing. And you're able to have a life outside of the relationship and keep it fresh.

It was after I discovered some key points about myself that I met my now fiance. I didn't even want him at first- too much baggage, attractive, but not my normal style. But he seemed really nice and we became friends. I went from just seeing him as a friend to noticing that he had most of the traits that I wanted in a man- sweet, affectionate, sincere, loyal, funny, responsible, steady. Not to mention that he absolutely adored me and wanted me to be with him from the beginning.

I took the time to really observe him, seeing if his actions matched his words, if he was trustworthy. When I finally decided to be with him, it was because I felt he was worth it. I can deal with the drama if it means being with my best friend. I watched him interact with his kids, I saw how serious he was about picking them up every weekend. I saw how he helped his BM (try) to get on her feet. (Never happened, she just found family members to mooch off of) I also see how badly he wanted me around his kids. He said he wanted to show them another female role model so they wouldn't think that they way their mom acts was normal.

I've already listed the drama we get from BM in other posts. There's no way in hell that I'd stay with this man if he wasn't worth it. There's also no way I'd stay with him if I even remotely suspected him of still having feelings for BM.

Youknowwhatitis likes to believe that wives/gf are intimidated of BM. It's more like I look at her and wonder why in the world she let a man like this get away. (She admitted that to him not too long ago.) I also say a silent prayer of thanks that she was dumb enough to let him go because now I get to reap the benefits of having a good man.

[daddyinpdx]

The truth about oneself will set oneself free.

[youknowwhatitis]

Spare me the psycho-babble..........the bible say's " All things are possible to those who believe.........most people don't' even believe in their dreams less long try to accomplish them. Also the bible says " As a man thinketh so is he............show me your circumstances...................you show me your thinking. Okay, your BM's thinking is way outta wack......but your superiority complex is not gonna help it any...........she's just gonna be what I said before........a thorn in your side.

Sometimes you are affected by other people's looney thinking. Hence my BD drama. I tried to tell BD he wasn't thinking right......he needed to check his character and get himself together........wouldn't listen. Now he's another black man hasbeen. You can lead a horse to water............but you can't make him drink.

His stupidity caused me and his family a lot of unecessary distress. His family's stupidity cause me a whole lot of uneccessary distress. But I learned...........you can't help anyone who refuses to admit they need help. As they think so will they be.

Oh yeah, daddy your book seem's real interesting..........I'm writing one myself. But I don't think it's fatherless that's killing black males........I think it's not being trained to properly think, analyze, assess people and situations and make quality decisions. The system is set up against blacks. The black white conflict goes way back 1000's of years. Being black means you have a negative stigma attached to you............partly because of racism..........partly because of the actions of lower class uneducated blacks. Being black means you have to watch your back at all times......it mean's your a target for hating.....it means other races will feel they are more valuable than you..........it means having to break down superiority complexes on a daily basis. It means hard work...........prosperity can be a black person's male or females too...............but it comes at a much higher price. You have to toughen up your skin, and strengthen your mind.............and prepare to fight and expect to win. They'll never expect a black person to win because they want blacks to feel inferior to them. Hating whites to me is not the answer.........learning from them is. Then applying that knowledge to better your circumstances. That's all these other nationalities that come to the US are doing. They come here to learn from whites then put it to work for themselves. That should be the black male and female agenda. Not acceptance..........they'll never accept........it'll kill their superiority complex.

[daddyinpdx]

Youknowwhatthisis,

You said "But I don't think it's fatherless that's killing black males"

I have a question for you. Why did God make men?

[tellit]

Aug 27, 2008 19:09:04 GMT -5 daddyinpdx said:

Youknowwhatthisis,

You said "But I don't think it's fatherless that's killing black males"

I have a question for you. Why did God make men?

Your question should be more specific...Why did God make BLACK men? Keia seems to have a problem with black men and feels that when she marries, the man will probably be white. I believe that she will get the same results with a white man that she has gotten from black men. Like Daddyinpdx said, men pick up on the signals that we send. And if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten...KWIM?? One race of men is not better than another race of men. There are single and divorced WHITE mothers who have children with WHITE men. Ask them...white does not mean right.

I have an associate who has dated white, black, puerto rican, arabian, mulatto, etc. Same results, different race. She has the same results because she has to work on her before she can have a healthy relationship with anyone (no matter what the color). Instead of focusing on the color-focus on the character but more importantly, focus on repairing flaws in your own character first.

[ty1981]

tellit......amen....amen....amen...

[gemmani]

Lol, superiority complex. Just too funny. I can't help the fact that I've made way better life decisions than BM. Just the way the cookie crumbles.

Tellit, please post that AGAIN, because some people just don't get it.

Men are men. Period. You have good ones and bad ones. Whatever color or nationality they are is just the wrapping on the package. It has nothing to do with personality or character. Then these same people wonder why they have the same problems with other races and ethnicities as they did with a black man. Those that base their "love" on outer appearances will be condemned to live a very shallow and unfulfilling life. It's sad.

I have a good, strong BLACK man. I wouldn't trade him for all the black/white/ asian/ latin/ etc men in the world.

[memyslfni]

Preach it Tellit, as there are those who are blinded by the truth and will continue to think inside the box no matter how hard you beat them upside the head with the reality stick...Peace

[youknowwhatitis]

Whatever......ladies!!! It is not the woman who determines the behavior of the man........it is the man who determines the behavior of the man. Maybe you all need to read what daddy said again.

My results will be totally different with a white man because they have a different mentality than BLACK men. Most are not caught up in that hip hop hype. Not saying their arent any good black men but not that many. And for the record gemm..........most black men dating or married to white women are the one's that most black women don't even find attractive. I have never seen a white woman with a black man I would want. Nor do I want a black man. I need a wash and wear white/arab/italian man or if I did go black it would be an older 40 something accomplished black man who would have me beat by 20 some odd years of an age difference.

I know how to treat a man and maintain a healthy relationship. What BD did has NOTHING to do with ME and everything to do with him. Maybe the gf/wifey's want to believe that to fuel their superiority complex but it is so not the case. The only person who can control someone's behavior is that person.

Oh yeah and daddy............the prophet Samuel didn't have a father. So did some other great men in the Bible. Their are children with father's who ain't s*hit. It is what is instilled in you as a child and the environment you grow up in that counts. These HOOD's are killing a lot of black men........not their absence of fathers.

[youknowwhatits]

All my life I"ve dated older men and it was great. These young boys are the problem plain and simple. Their mother's didn't teach them anything. My focus is making sure my son doesn't turn out like them. And daddy who said I don't like men....I love men..........I hate boys who are 21 and up it is just plain ridiculous. God has masculine and feminine characteristics. Jesus was a man..........and he wasn't black. I never make my son feel bad about himself but some people should feel bad about themselves and a lot of these young black males should and so should their mothers. They are PITIFUL. My son is not going to be a hot black mess.

As far as BD goes..........I have come to the conclusion that you all were right (don't take it to the head) I have been harboring anger unnecessarily. Yes BD and family were wrong. But ultimately their antics didn't work.........so what do I really have to be mad about. My son is well loved and cared for and like I said if walking through the park with his dad would make him happy I would be willing to do it....but ONLY for my son's sake.

Right now I think involving them in his life would be a mistake. Their is a lot of hatred and dissention and my son even though he is only 22 months would be able to sense it. Why even put him through it........I have to do what's in my son's best interest. If later on in life he decides he wan't to know him.....then I will track him down so my son can get to know him. But ultimately I didn't lose anything of value here. It sucked having so much unecessary distress placed on me but in the end it made me stronger. Yes what they did was low down and wrong but they have to answer to God for that. So if later on my son want's to get to know them (I hope he doesn't their character is boo boo) I will let by gones be by gones and allow him to know them if HE wishes. I will not interfere unless their telling him some craziness or trying to brainwash him against me which I know won't work but it doesn't mean they won't try. I will regulate the situation but let my son take the reigns and use it to teach him how to evaluate people and situations and how to determine if a person or situation is good for him or not. I will not try to influence his decision. He needs to learn to think and make decisions for himself it 's part of being an independent and responsible male. Which is what I want him to grow up and be.

I have determined to that Bd and his family really doesn't mean much to me. At first I didn't know what I learned from this situation but I learned to trust the Holy Spirit, and separate the real from the fake. To evaluate a man by who he is..........not what he possesses. As far as the white man thing goes...........I went to school 12 years in an 90% white upper class district. I'm used to whites was socialized with them and I have a lot of their mentality in me because I was socialized with them. I don't really have much in common with the black man who was not reared the same way. I have always been intelligent and formed good bonds and friendships with a lot of intelligent white male students who taught me a lot. I believe I would fare better with a white male. And history has proven that.........I told BD when we first started dating...........if we don't work out I'm never dating another black male. We didn't work out..........no more black males.

[memyslfni]

YOuknow, u sound like my bm. Grew up in a box, so saddity and isolated from the rest of the world. Got curious and stepped into some shi* she had no business in and got her feelings hurt.....Youknow ur only fooling urself, what white, arab, italian man is gonna want a serious relationship with a woman with a black male child? I'll end it with this: "Once you go black you never go back". ;D

[youknowwhatitis]

You're obviously delusional memyself.............I have a friend who has a black male child and has a very white husband who is a business owner. White men approach me all the time because I am fine and because I am smart. You are just jealous and MAD because I attract and will marry a white man.........and a successful one at that............the power couple the successful black woman and the successful white man.

I know countless white men with black women who have black male children....apparently..........you grew up in a box. You betta ask somebody. Discouragement..........please you are out of your league..........You sound like the same people who claimed Obama couldn't beat Hilary. LOL..........now they FEEL STUPID.

[memyslfni]

No need to ask nobody nothin, been there done that. Its females like you (money hungry) who have alot to learn. You sound like one of those fools on Tyra hatin on your own race...Do yourself a favor and look in a mirror...My proud black sista... Do you even know who u are? Ya know I could stoop to ur level of so called expertise and say that my bf messed up when he made the decision to go outside of his race and make babies with a mexican (cuz lets face it thats what they do, lay down and have baby after baby) but thats not the issue. A fool is a fool and bm was a fool to continue to have children by a man who wouldnt fully commit to her dumb a$$. It is what it is, maybe ur next piece will actually have sympathy for you (after he buys ur sobb story)....and wife u... I'm done...