What do we call an Accomplished Baby Momma?

[daddyinpdx]

Board What do we call an Accomplished Baby Momma?

We spend a lot of time talking about the "stuck", "malicious" BM, but I rarely hear men or women pay respect to the Accomplished Baby Momma.

What do we call these women who also have children out of wedlock.

These women don't typically make child support their top priority. These women pull themselves up by their Donnie and Bourke strapped purses and compete in the market place.

Their gutsy, outspoken, and charasmatic to say the least. They are our Principles, Hairstylist, Accountants, Lawyers, Technologist, and politicians within society.

These women even have children by married men on the under of course. Look at Jessie Jacksons BM.

Karin Stanford is a writer and professor of Pan-African Studies and Politics at California State University, Northridge. Stanford is the former director of the Washington, D.C., Bureau of the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition and a former Congressional Black Caucus fellow.

Now I'm not a fan of Ms. Stanford, I'm just revealing the stark contrast in how most BM are portrait. It's like its a one woman fits all approach.

Ms. Stanford is more accomplished alone than a typical 2 wage American Family. I'm just curious on how woman see an Accomplished BM vs. Non Accomplished BM in America.

Thank you all for you honest opinions. I'm just a brother on a mission to understand the new American dilema BM Drama.

[jaylady999]

my opinion is very simple of an accomplished baby mama.

One who puts her child(ren) first and does not interfere with the relationship between the BD and her child(ren). I think that even a financially struggling BM can be considered accomplished. The accomplishments take place when she has accepted the fact that her relationship is over and the BD doesnt owe her a thing, except for caring for and loving his children. He doesnt even owe HER child support, but he owes that to his children. I cant stand when BM talk to BD about what he owes HER. That alone speaks volumes about the mentality of what these types of women think.

Just my .02

[daddyinpdx]

A good .02 I shall add. So acceptance leads to accopmplishment is what I hear in your response.

[jaylady999]

YESSIR. once BM accepts that situation that has transpired, she can then move forward with her life, thus making positive accomplishments to enrich the life of both her and her children. of any woman you find out there who is accomplished, i bet you not one of them is bitter with their BD. its nearly impossible to accomplish anything at all in life when harboring ill feelings towards anyone, not only BD. thats why forgiveness is so important, not for the one who is being forgiven, but for the one who is the forgiver. it is very easy to become a victim of one's own anger, not to mention it stunts personal growth

[daddyinpdx]

Now I've seen some women who are also accomplished who put their feelings of bitterness into their work. These women take the high position as preach that a father's love is not needed because she is bringing in the bacon, attending parent conferences, and buying all of the clothes and necessities needed for the child.

The mans lack of participation in the womans eyes begats drama all within itself.

He may travel a lot in his career while she also does the same. Look at Alec Baldwins wife

Kim Basinger. Baldwin and Basinger agreed to share custody of their daughter, Ireland Eliesse. Basinger faces charges for a previous violation of court orders concerning Baldwin's visitations rights.

Basinger although a accomplished actress in my case failed to accept the closure of the marriage and is now playing games with the childs interaction with her father.

So what shall we call this type of woman?

[jaylady999]

those types of women are what i would call "purpose driven" where in the sole purpose of her drive is to prove to BD that she dont need him financially or otherwise. that kind of reminds me of 'youknowwhat'. they succeed, but its done out of spite moreso than anything.

in these types of situations, although the mothers are taking care of their business and able to care for their child financially, the emotionally toll it takes on the child in its wake can be really damaging down the line. all that anger has no choice but to spill over onto the child and affect his/her ways of thinking about thier father, and about life in general. hence 'youknowwhat' rant about how black men aint shyt. imagine her son growing up with his mother thinking that about black men. i shutter

[gemmani]

Like I've said before, she fails to realize wht kind of effect that mentality will have on her BLACK son.
There needs to be a happy medium between the "purpose driven" BM and the one that hasn't moved on. The "perfect" BM would be able to provide for herself and her child, but at the same time recognize that BD is necessary in the child's development. They would SHARE the responsibility instead of BM feeling that BD should do everything (that's the kind I'm dealing with.)

[daddyinpdx]

Great responses. "Purpose Drive" with a sole purpose to make the BD jealous of her accomplishments.

[jaylady999]

Aug 29, 2008 13:48:13 GMT -5 gemmani said:

Like I've said before, she fails to realize wht kind of effect that mentality will have on her BLACK son.
There needs to be a happy medium between the "purpose driven" BM and the one that hasn't moved on. The "perfect" BM would be able to provide for herself and her child, but at the same time recognize that BD is necessary in the child's development. They would SHARE the responsibility instead of BM feeling that BD should do everything (that's the kind I'm dealing with.)

EXACTLY! these types of BM are few and far between unfortunately

[jaylady999]

Aug 29, 2008 16:35:12 GMT -5 nomoredrama said:

My sisters ability to LET GO and MOVE FORWARD also made them attractive to other men. What man truly wants to be with a woman who is still stuck on her baby daddy? My sisters are STRONG and ACCOMPLISHED black women who just happen to have children with a man they are no longer married to. But, they did not block their blessings by whining about what SHOULD HAVE BEEN. They concentrated on what IS...And, God eventually sent them the MAN that he wanted them to have. 3 sisters, 3 BMs, 3 married career women!!

And there you have it! Your sisters are wise women and a lot can be learned from them. I love these types of stories. These are truly strong women. I know for a fact that had I lived in bitter and anger with my BD for the pain he caused me, there is no way I'd be married to a wonderful man and as happy as I am today. Big ups to your sisters

[daddyinpdx]

Yeah, I give those women three poetry snaps of the fingers because they truely are regal. I like that story. This thread is amazing.

True healing can come in the form of a message board.

[jaylady999]

this is true. i've learned a lot just from the short time that i've been on this board. and i never would have thought how universal these issues are

[youknowwhatitis]

An accomplished BM........hmmmmmmmmmm. Single motherhood is looked upon differently depending upon the culture you are from. In white America it is shunned and looked upon negatively. In black America it is the norm...........it is often a badge of honor to be a woman who a child and or children who took care of them solo and yet and still they were adequately provided for, well educated and go on to be something in life. Also being a single mom who accomplishes something with herself and life is RESPECTED in the black community. Marriage is uncommon in most not all black communities, not some of the upper scale one's and divorce is relatively common. The blended family is the new face of black America. Culturally being a single mom is acceptable in black America........in white America not so much. White America values status, and position and marriage to them is about status.........not so in the hood and most black circles. Their are some AA women who view their marriage as status......possibly taking cues from white America. Some see their marriage as a commitment and it no way to them is it a badge of superiority over another. Opinions on this issue will vary according to what culture you are from.

[daddyinpdx]

I concur, that post did go by the way side.

[youknowwhatitis]

I think an accomplished person is an accomplished person. It matters not if they or a BM or not. And yes, tellit I consider myself accomplished and plan on working on even more accomplishments.

But I can say I do think accomplished BM's should be very well respected because they did it ALONE with a child. It takes strength and dedication. Much more than needed if you are still in a relationship with BD or DH.