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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 4, 2008 21:59:34 GMT -5
I disagree.............mom's don' t get to choose to stay away from their kids. Dad's shouldn't have a choice in the matter. Mom's do have a say with whether or not the dad is in the kids life. Some dad's make it easy...........like BD by listening to his family members instead of coming and pursuing a relationship with son. I agreed to meet him at a public place. It's my kid............my call. I put in the COST to be the BOSS. If they had paid the COST.......then maybe they would have some say.........FUC*KEM. That's how I feel. Son will have to know them when he gets older if BD doesn't take accountablility for his own relationship with his son.
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Post by gemmani on Sept 5, 2008 7:53:23 GMT -5
I know moms don't get a choice, but those are the breaks when the women are the ones to carry the baby.
Dads shouldn't have the choice, but SHOULDN'T is the operative word. The reality is, there are BDs who choose to not be with their kids everyday. Again, those are the breaks.
If a mom decides to keep BD out of the child's life (assuming he wants to be there), its her perrogative, but she better be able to handle the repercussions. Especially if she didn't have a real reason to do so. (A reason constitutes as rape, violence, abuse, drugs.) Watch the child grow up with daddy issues, like why didn't daddy come see me? Because mommy wouldn't let him. Unless you decide to do MORE damage to the child and fill his head with crap about his dad.
EMOTIONALLY, BM feels its best to keep BD away, but again, that's BM's own personal issue with BD. The child isn't an object or commodity. The child doesn't give a hot crap about the drama between BM and BD. The child just wants both parents. The child NEEDS the parents to be able to make his best interests a priority. All this pettiness will cost the child the most.
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Post by ty1981 on Sept 5, 2008 19:37:58 GMT -5
If youknowwhat's BD ever takes her to court for visitation she is going to get the shock of her life. Sorry buddy but you don't get to say if BD can't see the kid...the courts do. You are not in charge and as long as he is not harming the child, the courts will let him do whatever he wants on his court appointed visitation.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 5, 2008 19:46:28 GMT -5
Ty I disagree with you............I wanted him to go to court for visitation I felt it would be better for him to visit with clear boundaries. I don't think he really wants to visit our son rather to spite me. If he was to come and really get to know our son and bond with him and wanted to get him sometimes and I felt he was safe I'm all for that. It's his character and motives that I feel are out of place. People like you Ty only see the law. But what about all the kids raped, molested or murdered that the LAW failed to protect. It is my job as a mother to protect myself and my son. Two weekends a month is cool with me but trying to force a relationship with someone they barely know overnight on a almost 2 year old to me is not right and unfair.
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Post by ty1981 on Sept 5, 2008 20:11:01 GMT -5
but you aren't his only parent and it's his dad job to protect him too. Maybe, just maybe.....he doesn't want to sit in your house under your watchful, hateful eyes and bond with his son. I'm not saying you are a hateful person...but you do hate him. Maybe that is uncomfortable for him. He doesnt need to be around you to spend time with his son. Children are resilliant and he will adjust. It would be like taking him to a new school, daycare or leaving him with a new babysitter. You can't stay with him at school all day...not even on the first day.
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Post by youknowwhatitits on Sept 5, 2008 21:04:19 GMT -5
The school doesn't have the history of these people.....domestic violence filled home. His mom's married to a physical abuser who dominates her and beats her up regularly and she allowed him to abuse her children who were not his........she won't protect mine.
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Post by daddyinpdx on Sept 5, 2008 21:27:48 GMT -5
"If youknowwhat's BD ever takes her to court for visitation she is going to get the shock of her life."
I would pay for this dudes legal fee's. I deplore the state of mind that most BM have when it comes to the BD. I had my child 2 years be4 obtaining child support. To top it off, I was paying child support to the mother while the child was living with me.
I got recieved custody and told her to keep the potential "arrears". GOD don't like ugly. In that 2 year period. I still sent my child to see the mother. I would be a hypocrite to do the latter.
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Post by tellit on Sept 6, 2008 3:36:26 GMT -5
youknow-it is just hard for me to believe that you haven't caused some of BDs feelings towards you. Given your post, I just can't believe that you have said some of the same things to him that you have ranted about on this website.
Youknow-you seem to not hold anything back. It is just hard for me to believe that you have not said at least some of this stuff to BD. Why would BD want to sit up in your house? You appear to try to push people's buttons & I don't think your spare BD from your wrath. You have a lot of mouth (Not saying that you don't trip me out or make me laugh sometimes with your colorful comments) but you have a lot of mouth. I can just imagine you saying, "You're just made because I WON. Just pay me my $700 per month, blah, blah, blah." Can you honestly tell me that you haven't laid it on thick to your BD? BD may stay away to avoid strangling you (I don't advocate violence) but it may be WHY he stays away (to keep himself out of jail).
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 7, 2008 16:47:19 GMT -5
Tellit I see your logic but in reality that is not the case. When I speak with BD I try not to say anything that can be used against me. I vent to the board.........the board is my venting ground. He attempted to record a conversation we had once before. I tried to talk to him like a mature adult and he just tried to trap me up. His motives are horrible........he know's better than to touch me...........my dad and brother have some serious ties in the streets and it would be like that for him. I just try to conduct my with dignity and sense when and if I'm communicating with him. He is simply angry because he didn't get his way and things didn't work out for him like they did for me..........isn't that the root of most BM/BD drama. So no tellit I have not said those things to him. I don't trust him so I don't say much to him period.
I found a note he had written to me saying, " I thought getting out of the relationship would be a release and I used you as a scape goat. But when you have someone pregnant that's a lifetime responsiblity and relationship." So BD knows full well what he did and was doing is WRONG. So tellit by attempting to say it's ME that's causing the problem...........is so inaccurate. I will post more of the letters later. So BD basically admitted what I've been saying to the board all along.........he was and still is trying to get out of responsiblity and doesn't have the guts to face himself or tell his son the truth about himself so he try's to make it seem like it's me. So sad and pathetic. Now he's not involving himself with our son in a sick attempt to hinder me........and really he's upset because it's not working. I don't care. But it is just SAD that he and family are son low class and demented. They are full of ish...........when they wanted his ss# (my son's) so BD could claim him as a dependant he was HIS son. But 9 months later when he has to start paying for son........now they want him to get a DNA test. Come on tellit........this is a no brainer. You are working on or have a Master's you're smart enough to understand this. Also in another letter BD wrote he said" I know baby J (my son) is mine because you are the only person that I was dealing with like that. But I'll pay for a paternity test so I can prove it to my family. Is it just me or am I on glue..........if you are admitting a child is yours why do you need to prove it to your family........Who are they to override what you say about your own child. Once again family interference. One DNA test later.............low and behold the child is his just like HE SAID. It doesn't even matter what I said..........he said the child was his. This is obviously some jealous hateful spiteful people trying to get money (BD"s) since he's disabled. It's just ridiculous anyway you look at it tellit........I am not in wrong I'm just defending me and mine.
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Post by gemmani on Sept 8, 2008 8:04:33 GMT -5
The thing is, NONE of this crap has anything to do with raising a healthy and happy child.
Honestly? Stop contacting or communicating with BD. When he's ready to come be a dad (WHENEVER that may be) just always keep your door open and don't thingy-block him.
But all this nonsense is just that........nonsense. There are NO winners here. Everyone loses.
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