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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 10, 2008 15:26:57 GMT -5
Thanks hope 4 freedom........I like you welcome to the board. Stick around.
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 10, 2008 15:29:09 GMT -5
The problem is most certainly not the fact that she invited him. If their relationsihp was up to par, she wouldnt have had to invite him, he would have automatically been there. BM in this case is not all at fault, they both play roles here. My only point is that you give what you get and that is reversible. I totally understand him questioning her motives for inviting him in the first place from her postings in this forum. In time, if she continues being sincere, maybe things will get better for their relationship as far as coparenting is concerned  |
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Post by gemmani on Sept 10, 2008 16:10:24 GMT -5
Oh Youknow, the wives are bitter towards you? No sweetie, we sense the obvious bitterness towards us and respond in kind. But in all honesty, I call it like I see it. You aren't like my BM in most ways, and there's nothing about my situation that reflects yours. So when I respond to your posts, it almost becomes defensive because it comes off like you are always ready for a fight and because you're BM the world should bow to you.
If you notice, whenever I read a post where you talk about forgiving BD and not letting him rent space in your head, I support that and encourage you. I give you advice based on my perspective and mostly I say be positive and think of your son. You being a BM doesn't matter to me. Hell, half the ladies on the board are BMs and we don't clash like we do with you. I think it's because some of your notions on what our role should be as SMs aren't realistic. The other BMs on the board understand both the BM and SM roles, they have walked both sides of the fence. You don't fully understand the whole dynamic because your BD isn't really involved. You don't get the need for boundaries in this kind of a situation because you seem to feel like because you are BM you don't need to have any.
I can appreciate your point of view as a BM, but the anger makes it difficult to empathize with you at times.
But all I'm saying is, don't front like we are just hating on you for kicks or because we are bitter. I say what I say, and I respond to the post like I see it. I'm just being real.
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 10, 2008 16:15:50 GMT -5
yeah what she said  |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 10, 2008 16:44:56 GMT -5
I speak my mind and I put out there what I feel and what I believe and if that upset's you or disagree......feel free to. That's what the board is for but as far as wives go don't see any need to compete with you or be bitter towards you if you don't like my opinion oh well I don't like all of yours but it is YOURS nonetheless.
As far as me feeling entitled to run the show because I am a BM..........no boo boo not ME. That's you rubbing off how you feel about your BM on me. I am entitled as a mom to protect my kid in the way that I see fit. Being a BM has absolutely nothing to do with feeling entitled. As a human I am entitled to respect and decency and that has nothing to do with being a BM. So what you're saying.........honey just doesn't make sense. Word to the wifes........that make you think I'm bitter towards the wives......no way I'm just hippin you to what's out there and what's reallly going. Maybe some of you are spending so much time worrying about BM it may be another woman pushing up your man listening to his BM problems. BM may not be your biggest threat........but of course a lot (not all) of you think so because she is the BM. A lot you all make nasty stereotypical comments about BM's then want to tell me about the comments I make. At least I'm striving for improvement and when we get done talking..........I am still a BAD B*TCH and you KNOW IT.
*Now don't get me wrong I enjoy the board and debating but personally attacking someone's character because you disagree......ummmm that called ;DHATING.
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Post by memyslfni on Sept 10, 2008 16:50:49 GMT -5
Youknow, that me against the world attitude U carry is fine, considering the crap you've had to deal with as far as bd and his family. But WE, here on the board are here to help U understand bd/families ways as U are helping us to understand bm's ways...It is not our place to attact U as ur bd/family tries too and Its not right for U to attack Us in the way that some of those bm's mentioned on this board would like to...Please stop preparing urself to be one of those bm's that we speak of....It will only cause U more pain...Maybe bd's mother/sister are jealous of Ur achievements but what good would that do for us..Ur doing ur thing and thats great..but it can be greater...and we applaud U on ur efforts..But theres no reason for us to be jealous/bitter of U..Why? There are enough bd's/bm's doing the job just fine...You speak of UR Bd/family as we speak of our Bm's..Their ignorance speaks for themselves, their bitter.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 10, 2008 16:57:15 GMT -5
Memyself I never said you or the board were jealous of me........you've never seen me. But fair is fair.........if shots are taken at BM's, shot's will be taken at wives too...it's just part of the package. I'm not on the board to attack anyone........but I''m not on the board to be attacked either. We all have differences of opinions and situations and really no one else on the board has a situation like mine so they can't really say from experience what it feels like or how to handle so no...........maybe not everyone is going to understand why I feel the way that I do........they haven't walked that mile in my shoes. But nonetheless..........all positive advice given to me from those with sincere hearts and they know who they are it has been greatly appreciated.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 10, 2008 17:08:22 GMT -5
Let me say this in closing........cause I'm bout to go out to eat......with my highschool classmate. But it took a lot out of me deal with everything that was tossed on my plate 2 wks post-op from a c-section, left alone, w/out financial suport and BD goes out and get's critically injured. Leaving me to heal from my surgery, learn to take care of new baby, heal my heart, get my emotions back together (still working on that), get a job, finish school nursing school at that, and deal with the drama from his family all by myself, fight for CS etc. And I dealt with all of that successfully against overwhelming odds.........give me the credit do me as a strong woman.......not as a wife or bm.........but as a strong woman period. That mentally and emotionally not to mention physically is a lot for any person to deal with alone. And if you've never had your kid's dad injured and no longer the same and your whole life and life course changed in a matter of weeks and still had to weather the storm........you have no right to put me down..........because you may not have been able to hold on as I have. Nobody knows what it cost me personally.......all they see is the results.......not the pain. And if they felt the pain........they would understand the anger.
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 10, 2008 17:09:49 GMT -5
all positive advice given to me from those with sincere hearts and they know who they are it has been greatly appreciated. which is apparently all you are open to receiving. but whatever |
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Post by memyslfni on Sept 10, 2008 17:14:01 GMT -5
Youknow, I have yet to hear U give us gf/wifeys BIGGUPS on pushing dh to be there for his children...Are we not doing the BIG gurl thing in ur eyes as a bm?..Is that not what U would like for ur bd's family to do, rather than putting things in his head to keep him away from ur son but for them to encourage BD to have a relationship with his child...despite how they feel? This is exactly what we gf/wifeys try to do...we accept the fact that dh has children elsewhere and we encourage dh to own up to his responsibilities..dammit youknow, give credit where credit it due for once instead of feeling the need to argue your point all the da*n time.. |
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Post by gemmani on Sept 11, 2008 7:29:16 GMT -5
Like I said before, I respond to the posts. I READ what I see and BASED ON THE INFO GIVEN, I post my response.
I second Memyslfni, you are very quick to point out anything negative, but very rarely do I see you ever give us props for how we support DH and skids. You cannot say the same about us. We give you your props when we see a positive post from you, and we encourage you to continue making progress.
Yeah, we aren't in your shoes, but you have no idea what it's like to wear ours, either. You completely do not get how difficult and complicated step parenting is. And it doesn't seem like you are trying to understand, either.
I stand by my statements. You cannot get all sensitive NOW, talking about we attack your character. That's the pot calling the kettle black.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 14, 2008 21:14:54 GMT -5
I have had some time off this weekend to sit and reflect and stew on things.....read a great book called Women and Stress. Such a good read...........it broke down emotional responses to things and how grief and anger are normal emotions. Also how it is often difficult for the postpartum woman......even those without as much drama as me to get emotionally back on track. It opened my eyes up to alot. I have realized that this is my life and I will live it how I see fit. People can say what they want but ultimately if my way produce's benefits for me......the proof will always be in the pudding. I'm learning to stop yapping so much and to start being silent and observing. I'm going from teacher (as lots of people come to me for advice) to student. For the rest of the year I'm going to just sit back and observe and just do me. I'm always asking for opinons on everything and then getting defensive when the opinion isn't what I think it should be........gemmani you may have been right about that (don't get the big head). So I"m just going to start following my heart and not talking about my problems to people as much. So you all will still see post's from me...........but not as many.
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Post by gemmani on Sept 15, 2008 7:21:37 GMT -5
Yeah, don't go disappearing on us and ish.
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Post by gemmani on Sept 16, 2008 7:12:51 GMT -5
Maybe it's the constant focus on Youknow's problems with BD that is keeping her from healing. I think she has the right idea, not to focus on the wrong, but how to make things right.
No matter how much we disagree, I want her to prosper. BM or not, lol.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 22, 2008 11:33:44 GMT -5
Gemmani I just tripped off something you said in your post........"you said I act like because I'm a BM I think the world should bow to me." I don't know where you picked that up from. In my opinion being a BM doesn't mean that the world should bow to me. A BM is only one aspect of what I am............and hence doesn't define me. I am determined, opinionated, intelligent, strong, and a lot of other things. I just personally feel that BD and family did a horrible job of handling the situation and I feel that if they had handled the situation better a lot of the things that happened wouldn't have happened. Ultimately I can't control their behavior so yes I place 90% of the responsibility for the situation on them.
If my precious son had a female pregnant I would have never went about things the way they did.........they way they went about things could they really expect things to work out. I don't think so........selfish is what selfish does. Now their upset because I made it without him............but what does that really reveal..........it reveals the truth that I was the strongest link in the relationship not HIM like he led them to believe. His lies have caught up with him in the worst way now he's trying to cover them over but the BIBLE says "he who covers his sins will not prosper," instead of just coming on out with the truth. He led those people to believe that I was something that it has become painfully obvious to them that I am not............now they see they he lost out by not being with me..............I didn't lose out by not being with him. I am sure it is a BITTER pill for them to swallow.......real talk I think they too embarrased to attempt to come around now.............not that I would let them anyway. But really.........it is what it is. I think moving out of MO would be a great way for me too start all over.
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