cell phone calling... (cell phone abuse)

[wbmama]

I've read a lot on this board about texting and calling. We (my hubby and I) have a idea on how to fix that.


We have decided how to deal with this. Instead of him getting a new number (which we all know is a pain), we are going to trade cell phones. She hates me and refuses to talk to me. So when I answer, she'll just hang up. After sometime, she won't know who she's calling and it will stop. She has all necessary numbers (along w/ our home number) She won't call the home phone - she wants to keep it "intimate" by only calling HIS number...

My opinion is a BM should have cell phone access to the BD - but we are not dealing with normal, rational thinking women.

[Keia]

This woman is going to wear you 2 ragged if you let her. The more you 2 play into it. Which you are the more games she is going to play. Let your husband handle and you fade out of the picture. The fact that you're doing so much is what's causing the drama. That is her childs dad and her dad needs to decide what to do concerning her not her dad and you. If you just leave the situation alone. It will all stop. You have no place in their business other than your the wife of her child's dad which gives you no rights. That child was around before you. Women resent other people spectating on situations with their child that they are not in. That woman is looking out for her child. Try to see it in that light. The best thing to do is to stay out of it and let YOUR husband deal with her. You don't need to be stressed. It's his kid....let him be stressed. Then you make the stress all better so he stays happy with u. Upset with her. All which makes your relationship with your husband better because you are his stress relief.

[downazzchick]

Girlfriend, I agree that the whole cell phone/texting issue is a problem, but you going through all that switching may not be the way to solve it. She should have the numbers to be able to contact him if necessary, but only to deal with issues concerning the child. Let me just say that we are not dealing with rational women these days. They look for ways to make sure their mate is as miserable as they are and some are out to get their bd back into their lives. I completely disagree with Ms. Keia because once you get involved with someone who has children they do become your problem too. It's easy to think just stay out of their business, but these broads will do whatever they can just to start trouble with you. I tried the whole stay out of their business thing and it didn't work. As soon as she saw that i was not paying much attention to her she turned it up a notch. From calling to dropping by his house, his job, bumping into him at the car wash or auto part store (places she knew he would be) without the child and right after she got her hair/nails done. Girl please. I know every woman here is confident with the relationship she has with her man, but an ole flame does not need to have that type of contact with him. Anyway if she was a real woman, whatever the situation is for her to be calling him, she should be able to tell the wife (on cell or home phone) what she needs and know the wife will relay the message (to hubby/bd) or take care of it for the bm. Y cause if they are married it is the wife's child too! Do what you gotta girl, Put him in check first about what you expect, put your voice on his voicemail. Call her and strike up a convo. Whatever! She will really think (d**n, I'm leaving them alone! Cause this girl CRAZY!!)

[angelnmo]

I agree. Once you are the wife, his kids become your stepkids. These children will be living in your home. You will probably be cooking, feeding, and dressing them. On what planet do people live in a bubble and can just ignore the situation and pretend like the children don't exist. And that tired old line "A mother will be protective of her child" is just that - tired! These women arent' worried about their child, they are just playing that card to cause drama in the relationship. I would hope that in most cases, the baby's dad would have enough sense to not bring a woman around his child that would cause bodily harm or injure his child in any way. And the "so called concerned mom" should have enough sense to realize this also.

[downazzchick]

As for me being "[glow=red,2,300]Protective of my child[/glow]". I don't think when i'm doing that I am trying to cause drama. I'm just making sure my child is being taken care of. In my situation, I did not let my child go visit her Daddy until she was about three, because he was irresponsible and did not request to see her. When he finally started wanting to see her I let her go. One particular weekend. He came and got her from daycare and I left to go out of town with my friends. It is almost her bedtime and i want to call her to say goodnite. His first thing "Y U calling, she okay." I'm like put her on the phone. He puts her on the phone and the first thing she says is Mama I'm hungry. I'm 200 miles a way (partying my butt off) and my child is back home hungry. I have to tell him to feed her. He says well I cooked fish, but she didn't eat. I had to tell him, she don't eat fish (Daddy should have known that!). At this point I'm telling him "get up and go get her some mc donalds nuggets, cause my baby hungry!" I asked him did i need to come back so i could get her, he like no. He says "I'm taking her to my girlfriend house in the Am" I'm like cool. As a woman who has children she will at least know what to do. Cause he hasn't a clue. See I was trippin more when he had her at his house by himself. Another weekend comes and the child says that she doesn't want to go. So she cries and cries, and cries. This is still in the (I'm trying to get to know you stage). I make her go anyway. He gets tired of her crying and decides to spank her. I did not call the whole weekend (i was burning up too). When she gets home she has marks on her back and stomach where she was whooped with a switch. I'm like okay what happened. He told me. (Monday the school launched a CPS investigation on me!) He picked her up from school one day and told her to sit on the couch until I came to pick her up. (Siting and watching cartoons) I never let her watch cartoons like that. She's an outdoor/run around kid (not a sit still kid) Daddy should know this too! Anyway she so scared to get up (because he said not to) that she pee's on his New Couch. (Not brand new, just new to him). He did not discover the accident until after i had picked her up and went home. This fool rushed to my house beating on the door. I had already bathed her and put her in the bed. He talking about where she at. I'm like what is the problem? He says "She peed on my couch." She's fully potty trained and has not had an accident in a while. He said he came over to spank her? After what happened before, he had better not put his hands on her! [glow=red,2,300]So please tell me am I wrong for being over protective of mine?[/glow] I know the line sounds tired, but I don't think I'm causing any drama, i'm just making sure mine gets taken care of. I have no problems with the girlfriend. She has kids and my daughter always says that she is nice to her. I have to take care of mine!

[angelnmo]

Downazzchick, you are a good mother. Your situation is different. I was speaking against all those women who make unsubstantiated claims that they harrass the girlfriend because they are being a concerned parent. Or make no attempt at all whatsoever to meet the new lady in her child's father's life, but want to say they don't trust her or she is a pregnant dog.

[roadrunner]

Apr 6, 2008 23:47:00 GMT -5 downazzchick said:

As for me being "[glow=red,2,300]Protective of my child[/glow]". I don't think when i'm doing that I am trying to cause drama. I'm just making sure my child is being taken care of. In my situation, I did not let my child go visit her Daddy until she was about three, because he was irresponsible and did not request to see her. When he finally started wanting to see her I let her go. One particular weekend. He came and got her from daycare and I left to go out of town with my friends. It is almost her bedtime and i want to call her to say goodnite. His first thing "Y U calling, she okay." I'm like put her on the phone. He puts her on the phone and the first thing she says is Mama I'm hungry. I'm 200 miles a way (partying my butt off) and my child is back home hungry. I have to tell him to feed her. He says well I cooked fish, but she didn't eat. I had to tell him, she don't eat fish (Daddy should have known that!). At this point I'm telling him "get up and go get her some mc donalds nuggets, cause my baby hungry!" I asked him did i need to come back so i could get her, he like no. He says "I'm taking her to my girlfriend house in the Am" I'm like cool. As a woman who has children she will at least know what to do. Cause he hasn't a clue. See I was trippin more when he had her at his house by himself. Another weekend comes and the child says that she doesn't want to go. So she cries and cries, and cries. This is still in the (I'm trying to get to know you stage). I make her go anyway. He gets tired of her crying and decides to spank her. I did not call the whole weekend (i was burning up too). When she gets home she has marks on her back and stomach where she was whooped with a switch. I'm like okay what happened. He told me. (Monday the school launched a CPS investigation on me!) He picked her up from school one day and told her to sit on the couch until I came to pick her up. (Siting and watching cartoons) I never let her watch cartoons like that. She's an outdoor/run around kid (not a sit still kid) Daddy should know this too! Anyway she so scared to get up (because he said not to) that she pee's on his New Couch. (Not brand new, just new to him). He did not discover the accident until after i had picked her up and went home. This fool rushed to my house beating on the door. I had already bathed her and put her in the bed. He talking about where she at. I'm like what is the problem? He says "She peed on my couch." She's fully potty trained and has not had an accident in a while. He said he came over to spank her? After what happened before, he had better not put his hands on her! [glow=red,2,300]So please tell me am I wrong for being over protective of mine?[/glow] I know the line sounds tired, but I don't think I'm causing any drama, i'm just making sure mine gets taken care of. I have no problems with the girlfriend. She has kids and my daughter always says that she is nice to her. I have to take care of mine!

Your BD is nutts and has no clue how to take care of his own kid so I understand your situation completely. I would do the same thing u r.
At least there are sane BM's out here.......

[Tell it like it is]

I understand cell phone abuse. My DH's BM got his cell phone number when my SD visited. BM would not let her go until DH gave her his cell phone #. She told him that she had to be able to reach her child at "ALL TIMES." But, we had many visits with the child BEFORE he got his cell phone. It wasn't until she found out that he had the cell phone that she insisted on having the phone #.
DH gave her cell phone #. BM continued to call his cell phone just to "talk." She would call when she thought he was not at home. When he was at work, etc.
I did not like her calling his cell phone and made the mistake of asking her to call the house instead of his phone. Why did I do that?!! She likes to feel that she has caused problems between the two of us. The BM had the nerve enough to say, "If he wants me to stop calling his cell phone, he can tell me."
But, I played her. I did not say anything to DH about our conversation because I knew that she would go run & tell him. She did exactly what I thought she would. She called him on his cell phone to say, "Your wife told me not call your cell phone..." etc. Then she started to bad mouth me. He supported me & asked her why she wasn't calling our house any longer but instead calling his cell phone. He reminded her that the only reason she had cell phone was because she insisted to have it when the child visited. Why then are you calling when the child is with you? BM got hot that he did not feed into her stupidity.
She stopped calling his cell phone for a while and then started back up.
I decided to pick my battles. I never said anything else about it. I trust my DH & I know that he would not sit & talk with her about anything other than the child.

[Sola]

Sometimes baby mama's do want to talk to their childs other parent about issues they are having with the child.

[Keia]

down azz, you cannot regulate a relationship that a man has with the mother of his child. If you are really secure you don't need to put your voice on his voicemail. IT'S HIS VOICEMAIL. I would never tell some other woman to relay a message to my childs father for me. That's crazy!!! That is my child's father and If I need him, I need him not you (gf or wifey.) If it's minor, yeah you can relay a message but if it is serious I'm going directly to him. Respect is a two way. Putting your voice on his voicemail is only to ATTEMPT to flaunt in BM's face that you are with him. Which she doesn't care about. If you were really secure you wouldn't feel the need to attempt to CONTROL that's what you are doing his relationship with his BM or child. What's tired........ is insecure women who get with men whom they know have children with other women and can't handle so they try to control the man and his relationship with his kids. That is pathetic.

[Keia]

I not saying BM's are not scandalous but there or other scandalous women around too not just them. The bottom line is you trust your man and are secure in your relationship or your not. Yes some crazy BM's do some silly immature issh. But that's just because they are ignorant. When ole girl stepped it up she was really testing your level of security. Which you revealed had cracks in it. Sometimes it takes playing stupid to really be smart. She obviously wants your man but the decision is the BD not yours. All im saying is once silly women find out they can irritate you they never stop trying. That's it.

[cloudy752001]

[[glow=red,2,300]"down azz, you cannot regulate a relationship that a man has with the mother of his child. If you are really secure you don't need to put your voice on his voicemail. IT'S HIS VOICEMAIL. I would never tell some other woman to relay a message to my childs father for me. That's crazy!!! That is my child's father and If I need him, I need him not you (gf or wifey.) If it's minor, yeah you can relay a message but if it is serious I'm going directly to him. Respect is a two way. Putting your voice on his voicemail is only to ATTEMPT to flaunt in BM's face that you are with him. Which she doesn't care about. If you were really secure you wouldn't feel the need to attempt to CONTROL that's what you are doing his relationship with his BM or child. What's tired........ is insecure women who get with men whom they know have children with other women and can't handle so they try to control the man and his relationship with his kids. That is pathetic."[/glow]

Let me just take a guess that you are one of those BM that have been mentioned throughout the message board. You know, if your child is old enough to speak with the father, then why not let him? Ok, there may be situations like medical emergencies or anything dealing with education, but that calling "in general" stuff is not good enough.

What you BM and BD need to realize is that after you find enough time to stop harassing your ex and move on and meet someone new, that you may be in a relationship similar to the one that you tried to destroy. You may have to encounter a "pressed" BM or BD. How would you like that? That is when you will realize how awful you were.

I will tell you what I did in my friend's phone. He had his BM number programmed under her name. I erased her name and put his son's name under this number so that when he gets a call from that number (whether it be from her place of business, cell, or home) he will be constantly reminded that that call should be about his son. And that is as far as I will go with that mess.

I do not have to compete with no BM. I deal directly with the man on any concerns that I may have with not being comfortable with the BM. If the man is really interested in YOU then he willreact to your concerns with no problems. If he is a good dad, he will be able to keep updated on the child just by taking advantage of his visitation rights. There is no reason for the BM and BD to interact to where they are arguing like fools!

You all need to realize that if you want a new relationship, you have to step back and be what you are, a parent to this child(ren) and not a friend or a foe. And I don't care if I ever meet the BM because I sure she will interview the child as soon as they return home from their visit anyway.

[wbmama]

cloudy, I like the idea of changing the name in the cell phone ...

[downazzchick]

Yall, I think the BM has been spotted!

In my case I never try to regulate the calls to his BM, but yes I did have to regulate the everyday calls that don't concern the child. (By the way, we don't deal with this situation anymore) These everyday calls/texts must be stopped immediately or they will get out of hand. As for our voicemail, we both have messages on each other's voicemail. It's cute to us. You can think what you want.

I do consider myself scandalous because BM has been disrespectful and down right evil. So i made sure that I got what I wanted anyway. I just had to play her game! And i think I won. She's just resting on the sideline now. I see my SD everyday if i want. We (hubby and I) are considered a team. It just worked out that we were together before the child came into the picture so as for trying to control the situation NO,NO, NO. This drama was placed in my lap. I didn't sign up for this!
I have the child's number programmed in on my phone and whenever I see a call from there I call back. Even if the BM answers I talk to her.

[angelnmo]

Downazzchick, you situation seems very similar to mine. I was with my man before the baby. I didn't sign up for any of the drama either. And yes, the texting about everything except the child is ridiculous. And the shameless way that the BM drags behind him. I guess i am lucky though. The BM doesn't know my name, where I live or what I look like. She doesn't even know my email or cell phone number.