Picture of the past?

[jaylady999]

yes yes yes, BM was one big headache that i did not need. i had too many other things goin on than to be dealin with her drama. my life simplified so much when i removed myself from the situation. and even better, i gave nothing for BM to continue to try to aggravate me with. once she realized she would not and could not get a rise out of me, it was like, d**n, what was the purpose?

[doinwatigottado]

Ok. I've been reading all of the posts and I have to say AGAIN, it feels good not to be alone in knowing that many other wives suffer the same concerns and many of the issues brought out by BM. The past few days have been wonderful. My husband has been talking to me alot more about his own desire to have BM step off. I spoke to him a bit about what I've learned here and he seemed to be just as curious and open to the answers to how we proceed in being fair while setting the boundaries. I believe we both were being suckered into accepting her increasingly unnecessary behavior. WE did allow it. I was the sucker wife wanting to make everything right and steering away from conflict, putting my own feelings and desires aside to accomodate a onesided comfort zone that only served her. And as far as I'm concerned all of the calling is done because she feels really guilty for not being there for him as most mothers are day to day. I do not say this to dump on her, it is just my observation. I reiterated to my husband the "your son is 12 thing; almost a teenager" and she needs to cut the cord. She shouldn't be able to call 6X's a day or drop by at our doorstep hysterically concerned that her son may have been in a deadly accident or that he didn't do homework, eat, bathe, or go to bed on time!! We do it and I always feel she calls way ahead with the quesitons as if she has to keep on top of us and instruct us in what to do when her son is here, which I have explained is QUITE OFTEN. I THINK WE KNOW BY NOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! lol! She is a little touched. If she wants to call her son's celly, more power to her, but as far as continuing the instructions. NO WAY. I told my husband that he needs to set expectations and boundaries in order to maintain some distance and peace in our lives. He agrees. When he is home with us, she has no authority. It is our home. She can not dicate what happens here. If that is a problem she can go through the proper channels to see if she can change that, which will NOT happen considering we offer SS a wonderful enviornment, love and care, as well as paying child support. She needs to recognize what she has here. She is very lucky and if she doesn't, oh well. I really don't care. I just want to limit her access to our space and time with SS.

She tried calling my husband like usual even though SS has celly and he expressed his aggravation with her. She called him back to back 3 times to talk about nonsense. He kept answering with disgust. She asked him, oh am I bothering you. He said yes. I just spoke to you 2 seconds ago. What do you want now? She then says, I wanted to talk to you about our sons education. LOL Whatever. Which all she said was what we already know, the teachers are really happy with him and he is doing really well. He just needs to read more. WE KNOW THIS!! I'm sure after a few more of these things she will get the picture that he is not going to be putting up with it. Prior to that she called and he didn't pick up celly. He told SS to call her back. And she didn't like that. This is why she kept calling, but that's ok too. LOL. Withdrawal is a MoFo. PROGRESS!! I'M LOVING IT!

I have to say I agree with Jaylady. Since I decided to back off and let my husband communicate directly with her, I have been feeling a lot better. Last time she tried to communicate with me she emailed me about child support and I never responded. I just told my husband that she emailed me and that he needs to talk to her about that. HE told her that she didn't need to be emailing me abouit anything. She could have called him if she had concerns about CS and she said that she couldn't find his email address!! Yeah right!! LOL. Again another attempt to have a reason to try to dog my husband to me.

For years she wanted ME to believe my husband was a jerk and dead beat, and I never really understood that, because it is simply not true. One of the reasons I love my husband so much is because of his great love and sense of responsibility to his children. He is awesome and he loves me and treats me well. The only real issue he and I have had for the past 7 years is this woman!! And I feel that she wants to reign on my parade. She wants to try to convince me that my husband is a loser and maybe to her he is because he didn't marry her or continue a family with her, but that's neither here nor there at this point and I know what I have and so does she. Let's just hope she moves on!! LOL. NO MORE DRAMA!! : ))

[doinwatigottado]

I hear you Tellit. And that is exactly what she is doing now. I am putting the breaks on things and whether or not she understands, no longer concerns me. I lived the past 7 years concerned that she would retaliate, mostly against my husband and his son, but I will not allow her antics to dictate what I need for my own peace of mind. My home is my sanctuary and I need to be able to feel that way at all times. Whether SS is here or not. Iexplained this to my husband and he understands and that is all that matters. SS can call here whenever he wants. He is welcomed here, and we will never treat him unfairly. I love him too much to do that. He is like one of my own children and I want him to be happy. I just don't feel it is our responsibility to coddle BM or fear her antics anymore. He is 12 and knows a heck of a lot and I'm sure he will see who is causing the rukus if any occurs. I may be a bit thingyy right now because I feel that she will back off simply because she needs us too much. I don't think she can afford to lose us as caretakers of her son. I guess we will see.

[gemmani]

I've never talked to BM about anything. I stand in the background (as it appears to others) and let him take charge. Did I have some say in what he told her? Yes.
It doesn't matter, no matter what BM blames ME for anything DH says that she doesn't like. That's okay.
I remember when SD6 was wondering the order of authority in our household. She told me that her dad is in charge of them (the kids), but that I was in charge of their dad so I was in charge of everyone. Works for me in a roundabout way.
All I know is, BM knows that she will get no attention from us when she acts up. Actually, she gets no attention from us, period. It bothers her more to see that she gets no response. Like wake up stupid, nobody cares.