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Post by Keia1 on Apr 18, 2008 15:04:14 GMT -5
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 18, 2008 19:24:47 GMT -5
I could tell from your first blog that you holding some pain inside about something. Honey, it;s easy ti say that you are not hurt, angry, and sad; but whne you can let it go is when you know for sure that the pain, hurt, and anger is gone. It will be hard to let it go when you were counting on someone to do right. The suggestion that I can give you is find things to do that you love, take time to pamper yourself when the baby is sleeping or with your family. Just like you said God has blessed you then know that he will bless you with love as well, but first you must focus on loving yoursellf and honestly believing that everything was ultimately for the best. Again it's hard to let go of someone when you once loved them or cared for them but it should become easier once thay have shown you that the feeling is no longer mutual. Won't be easy but when that fine mandingo comes stroller yoour way when you least expect it with his heart in his hands ready to give it to you; you'll be like BD who? what's his name? Keep your head up my girl you have to crawl before you walk trust me it will get easier, but only if you allow it to.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 18, 2008 19:43:25 GMT -5
....Keia, I have never been in your situation and I pray that I never will be. I was on the phone with my girlfriend that I had posted about earlier this week. Her ex-husband left her with a 4 year old child and while she was pregnant with their second child. Again, if you feel that you have been through it, my best friend has been thru it. She was truly abandoned by her ex. He left her for another woman...Took their car and gave it to his mistress. My best friend had to take care of her 4 year old child but her pregnancy was high risk. Ex did not pay any child support AT ALL! I helped her email ex's commander about the sailor abandoning is family. She had to go on public assistance because she could not work. Public assistance was not enough, so she had to get a job (risking her pregnancy) to keep a roof over her head. She finally got child support around 9-12 months AFTER she was abandoned. She is remarried now...she works full time for the federal govt and she is attending college full time. She is graduating in June 2008. At first she blamed herself and thought that she just was not good enough for her husband. She said that she had to come to grips with the fact that it was not her fault that her husband left her. She realized that SHE was not a bad catch, she just caught a bad apple in her ex. She offers this advice to you...Let it go and go on. Get busy so that you do not have time sit around idle and think about the depressing stuff. Get involved in activities. When you feel the need to call the BD, call your best friend, your mother, your sister, your cousin or whomever instead. She said get a new network of friends who will be supportive of you. Join a gym to relieve stress. She said go three times a week. It will build up your self esteem. She suggests that you join a women's fellowship group thru your local church. She said, speak to pastors (reverends) and vent. There is no need to argue over what is not going to change. And, finally she suggests that you give it to God. I would also suggest that you visit a discussion group for single mothers. I found one thru Yahoo groups that may interest you: groups.yahoo.com/group/SINGLE-PARENTS-/ |
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 18, 2008 20:52:36 GMT -5
bf is supportive but it just want to be able to bury it and never look at it again.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 18, 2008 21:46:39 GMT -5
Keia, I know it is hard to get through. Unfortunately this will never go away until you address the issue head on. But for now I recommend that you focus on improving you and yours. Your schooling is very important and needs to have your full attention right now.
Your family needs you to be financially stable so that you won't have to sit back and rely on bd check. Your bf can provide some of the support you need and also keep your mind off other things.
Forget what bd and his family have to say right now. Once you finish school you will have the time to focus on how you would like to dispose of the situation.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 18, 2008 21:48:04 GMT -5
Unfortunately, you have to face it. Everytime your look at your beautiful blessing from God (your son), you face it. You have to accept what is and come to terms with it. You can not control your BD or his family's response/reaction to you. You have to concentrate on you and your son. Try to cut off as much contact with BD as possible...other than him seeing his son. Don't try to get personal with him. Keep it strictly about the child. Treat your BD like he is a business partner....
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 18, 2008 22:16:05 GMT -5
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 18, 2008 23:08:33 GMT -5
R u dating someone? Ain't nothing like a man to help get over another man  LOL! |
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Post by wbmama on Apr 19, 2008 4:35:33 GMT -5
Dating is a good idea. Not falling in love, but going out - to dinner - to the movies.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 19, 2008 11:44:11 GMT -5
I have a bf....and I date on the down low. I don't have feelings for my ex.....i think it's more so the after math of everything. I don't talk to the ex....haven't heard from him since last visit which was early March. I never call....he's know's the number if he wants to see the baby. I don't feel like I need to get over him....I'm over him....more so need to get over the DRAMA that was caused by it. It sucked a lot of energy out of my life. I think once I completely get over that there was unneccesary drama brought into my life by some stupid a** people I will feel more energetic and have that good ole spring back in my step. I feel like I'm definitely steppin, but I'm still missing that spring. I think I'm still angry that everything escalated to the level that it did and that it was SO UNNECESSARY, in the end they proved nothing but how volatile, evil and vindictive they are. Which if they want to be that way it's fine....but don't put me and my son in your mess. So I think I'm very still mad about that. In the end I got what I wanted...my son and some of BD's money or financial support on behalf of him. Maybe I need to find and anger or angry people support group as well. My BD did me a favor by getting the hell out of my life....I just feel like all the drama was just extra.....just like ya'll feel about the stuff BM's be doing just extra drama for NO REASON at all. So to sum it all up I'm sad they tried to attack me for no reason and I'm angry that it went as far as it did for no good reason other than just to be UGLY. That is such an ugly thing. But dealing with black folks I should've expected them to behave that way. (I'm part black so I can talk about them) I think it's overall disappointment that these people chose to be so petty and childish about the situation....I guess my expectations were too high. But I did learn a valuable lesson: that is to only deal with people who on on your level of character, integrity, intelligence etc or people who are above it because people who are below it....will never come up.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 19, 2008 14:02:32 GMT -5
Well, Keia...Let that be your motivation for letting go. Does your ex add value to your life or add drama & stress?? It sounds as though he adds stress & his family adds more drama. Your BD did you a favor when he walked away. All things happen for a reason...You already know that BD was not good for you. Now, let him try to be good to your son.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Apr 20, 2008 20:53:09 GMT -5
Dear Keia, just a reminder. Black or not black / Fam or or not fam, People can be the ugliest individuals you would ever expect them to be...I just noticed how you intend to get across the nationality of your bd. And honey being a person of color is not the case...
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Post by jusdntundstn on Apr 21, 2008 11:27:59 GMT -5
wbmama, I agree that If i something personal to address towards someone, I will do it on a personal level. Lets not forget that it is possible to send private messages..
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Race isnt the issue
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Post by Race isnt the issue on Apr 23, 2008 18:01:17 GMT -5
RACE ISN'T THE ISSUE YOUR CHOICE IS...
Hi Keia, when I read your post I was a little put off that you blamed this on a person's race, which has nothing to do with the character of the person YOU chose to have a child with. There are dead beat fathers in every race, not just african americans. Just because you're of a mixed race does not mean your statement is acceptable.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 19:55:28 GMT -5
African-American males have historically abandoned their offspring.....the black family structure is the WEAKEST of all the races. I am not being racist by making the statements....but I am pointing out the facts. It has often been said that AA mothers are the causes's of their son's demise.......they don't have father's who else is responsible for raising them.....Ebony did an article about sexism in the AA culture and how girls are pushed much harder and boys are let slide............her son was wrong point blank...but she didn't call him on it. Now if my situation happened to her daughter......she'd see it differently.....SEXISM in the AA culture IS a problem....don't stay in DENIAL. As well as a lack of moral character and values which is what Bill Cosby was talking about. It has been replaced with the desire for things that AA believe will give the confidence and self-esteem. I'm AA I consider myself it but I speak the truth about my culture as well as others. Sorry if it offended U personally.
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LOL!