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Post by gemmani on Nov 13, 2009 15:33:03 GMT -5
DH is supposed to get the kids every three weekends, with the fourth weekend free for us to do adult activities. This has been in place since way before we got married, after talking to him about it. I like the skids, but I need time at home without their constant noise. So a few months ago, he started getting them every single weekend with no break. I let it go for about two months before bringing it up. That resulted in a long argument but ultimately he agreed to go back to the every three weekend arrangement.
So now, we're on like week 5 and he's planning on getting them again tonight. This pisses me off, like what I'm saying isn't being considered. The longer I go with no break, the more aggravated I get with them being around. Then I go off and do my own thing with my family and friends so I can get away and he gets upset that I don't want to be around. Well.....I don't.
His reasoning for getting them every single weekend is that he doesn't want their mother to influence them anymore than has to be. WTF is that? She's their MOTHER, she's going to have a major influence on them whether he likes it or not. That's something he should have considered BEFORE having 3 kids by her.
He gets offended because he feels I should love them as my own. NO.....I love them because they are his kids and they are good kids, but they do not compare to the love I have for my (unborn) child. It is not natural to expect me to feel that way. I treat them well and respect their place in my husband's life. I also do for them. But let's not get things twisted......my relationship with them is SECONDARY. The ONLY reason I deal and do what I do is because of HIM. I married HIM, therefore I had to accept the kids. But I'm not going to sit here and fake the funk.
Okay....vent over.
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Post by doinwatigottado on Nov 13, 2009 16:14:38 GMT -5
SMH. I hated when Dh did this ish to me. It does make you feel like they are not considering you and how you feel. AND I remember particularly during those times while I was pregnant, it seemed even more important for me to have ME time. I was ALWAYS tired and suffereing from Preclampsia, which has all to do with high blood pressure, and Ss was younger and more rambunctious at the time. I'm sure for you it's triple with 3 little ones. Glad to know you at least have that 1 weekend. Enjoy it.  Dh wanted me to love SS like he was my own too and this was tuff cuz you don't want to tell em that you can't to the level he wants, but like you said you can love them and care a tremendous amount for them. AND never fake the funk.  He'll have to learn to understand and appreciate what you do all around. |
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Post by gemmani on Nov 13, 2009 16:37:02 GMT -5
Yeah.....but I HAVEN'T gotten the usual 1 weekend. Haven't for the past 5 weeks. That's why I'm pissed off and wanting to avoid being home altogether right now. It's like what we spoke about never happened.......
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 13, 2009 16:54:12 GMT -5
Gem, I totally agree with you! I agree, you guys definitely need that adult time. Its important in nurturing your relationship. Hell, Lil Jay belongs to me and I dont even see him EVERY.SINGLE.WEEKEND. ;D But you've talked to him once, I would continue on as you have and DO YOU until he gets the message  |
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Post by doinwatigottado on Nov 13, 2009 17:19:49 GMT -5
Oh how did I miss that? Most def continue on DOING YOU. You need that time whether it be to yourself or with Dh. I think he'll get the message loud and clear.
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Post by gemmani on Nov 13, 2009 17:31:25 GMT -5
Yeah, I just find this so annoying. He can't be that dense, I don't know what's going on. We went back and forth about it for like 3 hours straight last time we spoke about it. I hate to bring it up again because it's such a stinking sensitive subject for him. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, since because I'm just the step mother my reasoning and motivation for wanting this must be negative. Yet if I were to say that I needed time away from my son for a bit, that'd be fine because he knows I love him and doesn't doubt me. But I don't get that inherent trust when it comes to the skids, I end up having to talk myself blue to explain it.
This even affects my meals. Because when the skids come it has to be some big meal that can last a few days, like a casserole or baked chicken. But I want a STEAK tonight.
My sister finally got her driver's license today and I'd love to celebrate with her tomorrow. DH and I have an appointment to see a house tomorrow (sooo hoping that works out) so I figured we could go out with my sis and my mother to celebrate. But noooo, the skids are coming. So now we have to deal with keeping them quiet while talking to the guy about the house and my sister wouldn't be able to go due to lack of room in the truck. ARGH. I'm so tempted to drop DH and the skids back to the house while I go out with my mom and sister. He wants them over, he can stay home and deal with them.
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Post by memy on Nov 13, 2009 18:13:31 GMT -5
"I'm so tempted to drop DH and the skids back to the house while I go out with my mom and sister. He wants them over, he can stay home and deal with them." Maybe he'll get the memo after a few of these. Leaving a man alone with his kids, gives him plenty of time to think.. Let him deal with them alone and see if this continues to be a part of his plan. For now, Go do U  Hell, I don't even have sKiDs, but I do know that...that's what I would do. These men get it twisted when they think our goal is to take over the place of these kids mothers..  NOT KOOL! |
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Post by blaquechinadoll on Nov 13, 2009 20:41:37 GMT -5
DITTO... Even now, I let HIM take HIS kids out to do either thang... Spend sometime with them... parent and father them... I've got something else to do... lol!
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Post by doinwatigottado on Nov 14, 2009 10:35:09 GMT -5
Gem,
I feel your pain. When the tension eases up talk to him again, and explain again all you want is ONE weekend. ONE! Stop playing! lol
This particular battle I feel is a tricky one to win, and as much as I felt righteously justified for wanting ME time, ADULT time, his reasoning always seemed more noble because of the way he'd spin it. I wish I had some clever way to deal with this, but I think all you can do at this point is continue to press your point regardless. It is not unreasonable to ask for ONE weekend.
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Post by gemmani on Nov 14, 2009 12:13:36 GMT -5
Well, I got my free weekend. Thanks BM! He sent the text to ask if the kids were ready and BM didn't reply for a while. When she did reply DH didn't notice. So at 10:30 DH noticed he had a response. I guess he noticed my...ahem...demenor, so he said he'd get them next weekend. Thanks DH!
Now we can go see this house in peace. I hope to God we get this place....as soon as I saw the listing I felt it was the one. Wish us luck, please!
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Post by doinwatigottado on Nov 14, 2009 12:44:25 GMT -5
GOOD LUCK!! |
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 14, 2009 12:59:54 GMT -5
Good Luck Gem! Keep us posted! ;D
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Post by gemmani on Nov 14, 2009 17:29:31 GMT -5
OMG OMG that house was perfect for us! He's going to give us a call next week. I have not prayed this hard for something in a while, y'all have no idea how much we need to move. In addition to needing way more space, we have the neighbors from the deep, dark depths of hell. We are under so much stress living here, this house would be such a blessing for us. Please wish us luck!
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 14, 2009 22:05:49 GMT -5
Gem, I feel you. Just claim it. When I first saw this home, I knew it was meant for us and I didnt stop until we were in it, and here we are ;D Its yours, trust me. |
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theone
Junior Member
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Post by theone on Nov 16, 2009 8:24:06 GMT -5
MAN oh man! you took the thoughts right of of my head. We JUST started seeing DH's kids (3 & 5). We have them every other weekend. He like your DH thinks Im supposed to love and care for them like he does or something. We have 3 of our own so iamgine to house full of kids-which is okay sometimes but I AM ALREADY getting tired of it so often. I want time with MY FAMILY and I just get so overwhlemed with his girls there so much. The little one whines uncontrollably! Its just a rucus and then I start to loose focus of MY FAMILY (Im sure it sounds weird) but I dont even feel like Im in my own home when they are there that much. I dont want to be mean but like you I am tempted to take my kids and go be about OUR business! Then BM thinks she's my BFF one day adn DH's bff the next, she is a loose cannon. I need help as well.
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He'll have to learn to understand and appreciate what you do all around.
NOT KOOL!