theone
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by theone on Nov 16, 2009 8:29:10 GMT -5
oh and btw, neghbors from hell-that woudl be mine all the way. MINE ARE AS BAD AS THEY GET! no lie! LOL wanna trade?!
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Post by gemmani on Nov 16, 2009 8:36:10 GMT -5
I don't pretend or even attempt to take over child care duties when they come over. I'll help out at times but I'm firm on the fact that they aren't mine and aren't my responsibility. I'll make food sometimes, I'll do their hair, I'll help DH when he's busy doing something else. I've watched them for him maybe twice (good reason for that).
But he doesn't have an issue with that. He just feels that I should love them like he does and I should feel just as connected. I say he's delusional. They aren't my kids. They know I'm not their mother and I doubt they love me like they do their mom. So....why the double standard? I'm supposed to love kids like they are my own while they are perfectly aware that I'm not their mother?? Kick rocks DH. He doesn't fully get it but he knows my stance on the matter.
Now that I'm having my own? Sorry, no comparison there. My responsibility is to my son. Period.
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Post by gemmani on Nov 16, 2009 8:44:37 GMT -5
And the neighbors?  !!!!!! The building in general? How about every morning there's music vibrating my tables. Every night, from like 11pm to 8am, music pounding. They get drunk outside and pass out in front of my house. They leave corona bottles every where. They are dirty and invite every rodent and pest you can imagine into the building. Can you understand how many glue traps and baits we've gone through in the past 18 months?? The amount of mice we catch each week is astronomical. They leave FOOD laying around everywhere. I walk past chicken bones and clumps of rice to get to my door. This is non-stop disgusting, ridiculously noisy, HOT MESS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my landlord says it isn't that bad, that we should get used to it and be aware that WE aren't the only ones who live here. WTF? !!!!!!!!!!!!!! So....yes, it would be a dream come true to get this house. Going from a "two bedroom" apartment with no livingroom (thanks to stupid BM and he false CS claim) to a 4 bedroom house with 2 1/2 baths with more closet space then we can use? I cannot explain it. I will lick the landlord's feet to get this place, no joke. |
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Post by chalan on Nov 16, 2009 8:53:09 GMT -5
Gem~ Good luck with the house. Like Jay said, claim it. If it doesn’t pan out, that only means something better will come along.
Men are a trip. You are valid in wanting 1 weekend a month whether you want to spend it with DH or just alone. Everyone needs down time. I agree with Doin. Try to approach the subject when things have settled a bit. Let him know although you love his kids, throwing you into an instant family isn’t fair to you. You need time to just be, especially while you are pregnant.
Don’t get me started with the “Love my kids like your own crap”. Impossible. You can’t discipline them without fear that BM will call the cops or make bogus charges. If you and DH were ever to split, you wouldn’t get visitation with the kids. The best you can do is love and respect those kids while they are visiting DH because at the end of the day, they aren’t yours.
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Post by gemmani on Nov 16, 2009 9:00:57 GMT -5
Don’t get me started with the “Love my kids like your own crap”. Impossible. You can’t discipline them without fear that BM will call the cops or make bogus charges. If you and DH were ever to split, you wouldn’t get visitation with the kids. The best you can do is love and respect those kids while they are visiting DH because at the end of the day, they aren’t yours. Ding, ding, ding!! This is exactly what it is. I'm being realistic, he has his head in the clouds of Brady Bunch land. |
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theone
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by theone on Nov 16, 2009 9:59:45 GMT -5
And the neighbors? !!!!!! The building in general? How about every morning there's music vibrating my tables. Every night, from like 11pm to 8am, music pounding. They get drunk outside and pass out in front of my house. They leave corona bottles every where. They are dirty and invite every rodent and pest you can imagine into the building. Can you understand how many glue traps and baits we've gone through in the past 18 months?? The amount of mice we catch each week is astronomical. They leave FOOD laying around everywhere. I walk past chicken bones and clumps of rice to get to my door. This is non-stop disgusting, ridiculously noisy, HOT MESS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my landlord says it isn't that bad, that we should get used to it and be aware that WE aren't the only ones who live here. WTF? !!!!!!!!!!!!!! So....yes, it would be a dream come true to get this house. Going from a "two bedroom" apartment with no livingroom (thanks to stupid BM and he false CS claim) to a 4 bedroom house with 2 1/2 baths with more closet space then we can use? I cannot explain it. I will lick the landlord's feet to get this place, no joke. I got some competition for you on that note. How about some Redneck fools who have the WHOLE family living in a 2 bedroom duplex, brought in thingy ROACHES (so I am with you on the traps EVERYWHERE). They had one man living in the basement and used the cellar door as his front door, they had a bucket full of beer bottles just hanging out outside for the LONGEST, a nasty ashtrey overflowing on our porch, funky furniture out by our garbage that has been there for months, garbage on their porch, their lods killed all my flowers, I have ALMOST gotten in a pyshical fight with the mom and daughter, the daughter has grown crack head men running in & out while the mom does nothing and I cant feel safe in my own home, they pound the walls day in day out, Ive called the cops a few times now, they hangs rugs outside all over leaves trash all in our yard & on the porch. WOW! I thought I was the only one with TERRIBLE neighbors, but we will be buying a house soon so we are waiting it out-LOL |
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Post by slick on Nov 16, 2009 17:37:20 GMT -5
I'm with you Gem.....I had to put the every other weekend stipulation in place and he resented it but so what....LOL! "Sometimes I just wanna see my kids." SLICK: Well go see them then! But I work too daggone hard all week to not get 2 (yep 2) weekends to myself. May seem selfish, but again so what. See when kids come over to the non custodial parent's (guilt ridden parent's) house, they think it's play time, it's break all the rules time, it's noise time, it's get in Slick and DH's bed time (NEVER), it's whine time, it's fun time, spend money time, keep having to say the same thing over and over time.....NOPE. I don't have the patience, nor concern for it. I don't care what he perceives my emotions to be. I know they don't come from a place of negativity and soon he will too. Those broads get a kick out of sending their children somewhere every weekend.....not on my watch. LOL!
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Post by memy on Nov 16, 2009 17:52:16 GMT -5
LMFAO@sLiCk!!! Girlfriend u are 2 much!....But in this game you have to know what U will/won't be putting up with. Draw that line girl!!
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ayzha
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by ayzha on Nov 18, 2009 1:02:09 GMT -5
I am the total opposite. I dont mind my stepson coming over at all. I mean he is 2.5 and him and his brother make the house loud but it is only every Sunday. BM wont let my SO have him the whole weekend because she says that he still sleeps in her bed and will cry if she is not there. I have no comment on that because I know that the real reason is because she doesnt want me doing any of the responsibility of bathing, tucking in, etc. She had let the baby once when he was nine months but after finding out that I am not just imaginery she hasnt allowed it. Im fine with that. I just found it so wierd that almost everyone on the site agreed that they wanted a weekend or two with just their SO every month. I guess I feel different because I feel that my step son that lives with me leaves and goes to BM house on saturdays when I have no plans and could have just stayed home. I know that will be one of the big differences when I have my own official child but somehow I think that my SO enjoys having his Friday and Saturday nights child free every weekend. I ask about the people that have a child with their SO and have their child every weekend because there is no other parent's house to go to, how does this go. I mean my parents had my sister and I but my mom had me when she was forty and my sister three years later so I think my parents were done with their playing nights out on a regular basis. How did your SO and you adjust to your childless couple weekends when the kids were with the other parent to the hey we still have a child here that we cant get rid of.
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Post by memy on Nov 18, 2009 9:55:14 GMT -5
Ayzha ~ When U have kids 24/7 and trying to squeeze in some alone time with your honey....You gotta do what you gotta do to get that. If your man has kids, he needs to make arrangements with the BM to where this is possible. You probably don't understand because you don't have kids of your own and your SO only gets his child on Sundays.
Question: Why does your SS go to BM's house on Fri & Sat??? That's not his mother, correct?
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Post by gemmani on Nov 18, 2009 10:49:39 GMT -5
Azyha~ Whether you have kids or not, you should always find a way to make your relationship a priority and establish couple's time. The couple is the backbone of the whole family dynamic. Happy parents= happy family. Kids thrive when they see their parents are loving toward each other.
I'm not talking about going out clubbing or anything like that (I'm 7 months pregnant, that's not gonna rock!) but enjoying a show or movie, going out to eat, go on a date with another couple. I'm sorry, when my own baby is born I will still feel the same way. You sacrifice alot when you have kids but your relationship should not fall under that category. My child will be part of an intact family but he has grandparents and aunties who would love to keep him for a night or two.
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Post by memy on Nov 18, 2009 10:55:41 GMT -5
Gem ~ I don't mind being TOLD to shut up sometimes..  LOL Ayzha ~ Ditto what Gem said... ;D Too much on my mind this morning...  |
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Post by gemmani on Nov 18, 2009 11:30:24 GMT -5
Memy, whatchu talking bout??? Lol
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Post by memy on Nov 18, 2009 11:59:35 GMT -5
Gem ~ Lawd knows we don't have to have kids to enjoy time as a couple......outside of home ;D In other words, I was thinking what u said....but it didn't quite come out the way I wanted it to...  Hm, well at least the last sentence didn't...  |
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Post by ladyqb on Nov 18, 2009 13:08:29 GMT -5
This was big problem in my household in the beginning of our marriage. It almost bought us to the brink of divorce. DH would say " I only see the kids 8 days out of the whole month. He would give me all kind of song and dance about how SS(11) and SD(13) are so hurt because he wasn't spending as much time with them as he did before we got married. I started to do me. If I had planned an event such as going to the movies or was going out of town, I went without DH. This was very hard on me but he got the picture real quick. Now, before he committs himself to a weekend, we discuss our plans for that weekend.
Also, DH thought every time we took a vacation or went out town, we were suppose to take the kids. I started to plan our vacation when they were in school.
The next big issue we are now going through is he wants the kids to come live with us. I taking this issue one day at a time.
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!!!!!! The building in general?
LOL
Hm, well at least the last sentence didn't... 