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Post by jusdntundstn on Nov 18, 2009 13:13:01 GMT -5
That last sentence got me thinking about Jay right now...  |
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 18, 2009 13:31:31 GMT -5
That last sentence got me thinking about Jay right now... Girl Jay is chillin  At this point, I dont think the kids are coming. It would be much better for the advancement of their lives, but really, I'm ok with them continuing to come every other weekend. Personally I dont think BM can handle it, so I assume she is doing everything in her power to straighten out her sitch(whatever it is) so that her kids stay with her. DH said he wasnt asking her about it anymore, he would just wait and see what happens and that is FINE.BY.ME.  Her peeve was finding out that I had changed my schedule by 30 minutes to accomodate them coming and I think that slapped reality to her that her kids would be under my roof. Whatev. I will leave my schedule as is because quite honestly during the one hour between the time Lil Jay catches his bus and the time I leave for work, I meditate and relax over a cup of hot tea in the mornings, so all is well ;D |
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 18, 2009 13:33:30 GMT -5
This was big problem in my household in the beginning of our marriage. It almost bought us to the brink of divorce. DH would say " I only see the kids 8 days out of the whole month. He would give me all kind of song and dance about how SS(11) and SD(13) are so hurt because he wasn't spending as much time with them as he did before we got married. I started to do me. If I had planned an event such as going to the movies or was going out of town, I went without DH. This was very hard on me but he got the picture real quick. Now, before he committs himself to a weekend, we discuss our plans for that weekend. Also, DH thought every time we took a vacation or went out town, we were suppose to take the kids. I started to plan our vacation when they were in school. The next big issue we are now going through is he wants the kids to come live with us. I taking this issue one day at a time. Last nite DH has mentioned to me that the kids were not coming this weekend and I asked him why. He said because if they come this weekend, he'll have to take them all the way home on Sunday and then turn around Wednesday and pick them up again for Thanksgiving and they will be with us for 4 days. I didnt mind them coming for the weekend and then again a few days later, but DH doesnt want to do all that driving. There was a time where he would have made both trips and did cartwheels and flips in the process. But I remember thinking to myself, wow, he really does *get it* now. I am so proud of he ;D |
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Post by gemmani on Nov 18, 2009 13:36:30 GMT -5
Sad for the kids but I agree, BM wasn't ready to hand over the reigns. That would have meant more drama for you guys. I hope things are working out for her.
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Post by slick on Nov 18, 2009 13:41:08 GMT -5
i love it when they *get it*!
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 18, 2009 13:52:49 GMT -5
Gem, you are right. I already knew in the back of my mind that kids living with us would = more constant contact from BM and quite frankly, I love the peace in my life right now. Of course it would have been my sacrifice if they were to come, BUT nobody is about to beg her for her children. Not even DH.  Yeah I love it when the *get it* too, especially when they *get it* all by themselves. ;D |
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Post by gemmani on Nov 18, 2009 14:00:05 GMT -5
i love it when they *get it*! Ditto! DH knows I don't ask for much of anything regarding the skids. I knew he had kids and that they would be around and that's fine. But LAWD! I love my adult weekends. I must say though, I don't think I'll mind them being there as much anymore. Our current apartment is a shoebox. We should be getting the keys to our new house on Saturday. More room=less stress. It's hard having the 5 of us in this place without going insane. With the new house we will definitely have room to breathe! I can't wait....I get my own personal bathroom. That alone means the world to me! |
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 18, 2009 14:18:37 GMT -5
Our current apartment is a shoebox. We should be getting the keys to our new house on Saturday. Whoo hoo!!!!! Congrats girl ;DMore room=less stress. Yes. Yes. Yes It's hard having the 5 of us in this place without going insane. With the new house we will definitely have room to breathe! I can't wait....I get my own personal bathroom. That alone means the world to me! Ok, girl take this from the one who just moved from a 2bedroom/1 bath to a 3 bedroom/2 bath, upstairs/downstairs and all the trimmings....the last time the skids were over was the first time with them spending the weekend with us since we moved and it was BEAUTIFUL! SD LOVES HER NEW ROOM. My mom took her to get all her Hanna Montana decor from bedspreads and sheets to garbage can and and area rug, she was in heaven and you could just tell she was really making herself comfy there. DS and SS spent much time in their new room also, DH was in our bedroom and I was downstairs all by my lonesome and LOVIN IT!
Girl with that set up, I cant even say I'd mind them coming every weekend....well, let me take that back, but you know what I mean ;D
You are going to really really love it Gem. The peace of mind is amazing |
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Post by jusdntundstn on Nov 18, 2009 14:33:47 GMT -5
Jay ((((I'm Happy)))) things are working out the way they are with the BM/Skids sitch....Lawd only knows that only would have been pure chaos!
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Post by gemmani on Nov 18, 2009 14:36:46 GMT -5
Jay, I know you understand the feeling. In this place it's like I can't get away. You can't move more than 15, 20 feet away from anybody. Then to listen to the neighbors and their music 24/7, add the kids with their hollering and screaming, and I wanted to find the nearest cliff and jump off. Now they have a backyard to go run and scream. They have their own bathroom so they can have all the silly little bath decorations they want. I now have an office nook area for my school work. I CAN NOW GET AWAY! Girl, we hounded the real estate dude to the ground! Called, texted, we basically TOLD him that this house was ours. I know you, along with my family, were telling us to go claim it and dammit we did  So I'm a bit giddy right now, pardon me! |
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Post by jusdntundstn on Nov 18, 2009 14:37:53 GMT -5
Sooo (((Happy For You too Gem))), Congrats on your new home!!!!
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Post by slick on Nov 18, 2009 15:09:27 GMT -5
I'm giddy for you! Congrats Gem and Jay! |
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Post by gemmani on Nov 18, 2009 15:43:32 GMT -5
Thank you, ladies. Man, I wished we all lived closer to each other, I'd invite y'all over for some thingytails! Well......mocktails for me. Boo.
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Post by youknowisback on Nov 19, 2009 10:21:25 GMT -5
Sounds to me like you are already treating them "differently" trust me they will take notice especially when your little one arrives. And they will start to complain about it to dad and mom..........equaling more drama. If the man expects you to accept them as your own you should. Not to be unrealistic but to make a difference which believe it or not you're already doing......could drive a wedge between you and DH. I'm not saying fake the funk. But you love the man you married him and those kids and everything they come with and he's wants to do with them. Stop whining and suck it up. I know it's hard when your preggo cause you do need your time. But trust me it will only get worse when the baby gets here and you have to work, change diapers, bottle feed, etc., still deal with those other kids. My ex has 2 kids and while I will love them and treat them as my own. My son will always be my heart. But you can't make a difference in kids. Eventually it'll be conflict about their dealings with your child.......and the three of them may beat the hell of him or her. Kids do gang up. So be smart about your actions. Imagine if they were your 3 kids and DH accepted you. How would you want him to feel.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 19, 2009 10:29:05 GMT -5
How is she making a difference in the kids? By the way, youknow, if are posting here, pls sign in under your screename. We have a ban agains replying to 'guest' posters
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At this point, I dont think the kids are coming. It would be much better for the advancement of their lives, but really, I'm ok with them continuing to come every other weekend. Personally I dont think BM can handle it, so I assume she is doing everything in her power to straighten out her sitch(whatever it is) so that her kids stay with her. 
Her peeve was finding out that I had changed my schedule by 30 minutes to accomodate them coming and I think that slapped reality to her that her kids would be under my roof. Whatev. 
So I'm a bit giddy right now, pardon me!