Post by caderona on Nov 8, 2010 15:33:26 GMT -5
I am proud to inform you that after 2 years and 6 months, I have finally discovered the cure to rid your life of baby mama drama. Now before I tell you of my revelation I must tell you that my husband’s baby mama, is one bitter soul. She has threatened me with bodily harm, called me every derogatory name in the English Language and Ebonics, told my step-daughter horrible lies about me and even went as far as coaching the child to say that I hit her and even went to the police with this lie.
I have always ignored her insults and threats even though at times it really hurt to hear that 4 year old child repeating some of the really classless things that her mother would say about me. I never injected myself in husband’s battles. When they were arguing, I supported my husband but stayed out of it. Court dates, visitation pick ups and drop offs, I was always ABSENT, never wanting to fuel drama. But still this woman would never leave my name alone although that was all she about knew about me, my name. I had actually voiced my willingness to meet her when my hubby and I just started dating out of respect to which she replied, “yes, I want to meet her so I can whop her ass!” So that offer was no longer on the table. It had reach the point where after almost 2 years of dating my husband (we were not yet married), this woman had never seen or spoken to me and knew nothing about me expect what my step-daughter told her. However, that never stopped her insults.
As luck would have it one night my husband was at a stop light and she pulled up beside us. She immediately started ringing my hubby’s phone telling him to pull over ( I blame him for answering), of course, he said HELLO NO! She then told him that he was a fcking idiot because he left her for a woman who looks like she is 10 years old. I immediately started laughing because where I am from (I am not American), to tell a woman who is almost 30 years old like myself that she looks like 10, is one of the greatest compliments you could give her and I felt honored. My laughter was brought to a halt when I realized that this woman was following us and actually tried to run us off the road. I immediately realized the seriousness of the situation especially since my 4 year old step daughter was in the car with her. Realizing that she wanted to talk to me, I took the phone from my husband and asked her, what is wrong? She then proceeded to tell me, that I look like 10 and I was skinny light-skinned pregnant dog. At mentioned of my skin color I realized the ignorance of this fellow black woman, and I must admit I put aside my usual classy demeanor for a second and told that she should be the last one to talk about how anybody looks since she looked 42 and is overweight. Just like that she BURST INTO TEARS! Imagine this woman who had tried to make my life miserable for almost 2 years with barrages of threats and insults, burst into tears at me saying FAT. I was quite taken a back and after that conversation I realized that this woman did not deserve me hating her, she needed my compassion as a fellow woman.
After that, I completely changed my approach and started working on my emotions. I tried to reach out to her without overstepping my boundaries. For example, if my step-daughter and I did art while she was at my house I made sure she did one for mother too and told her to take it home to her mom. I started saying positive things about her to my friends instead of the usual, she is just crazy. I surrounded my heart, mind and spirit with positive energy with regards to her. I am not devout Christian (but I do believe in Jesus) and I even started praying for her that she will find peace in place of her bitterness and anger. Many might say, this is a weak approach, but I think it is quite the contrary. You see, any woman can give return insults for insults, blows for blows but it takes a LADY to take a totally negative situation and feed positive energy into it. I realized too that by forgiving her and wishing the best for her it was not to help her but it made me a better person.
To any new wife/girlfriend out there with baby mama drama, I say, be the change that you want to see in your situation. Don’t feed hatred and anger with more hatred and anger. Have compassion for that fellow woman/human being.
Last night I saw my hubby’s baby mother for the 3rd time in almost 3 years and I am happy to report that it was the first time she returned my friendly smile and cordial, “Hi”. She had also lost weight and looked my confident and happier than the last time I saw her. I must say that I am proud of this woman. I know she is still hurting and she might not be where she wants to but she is growing. This will only make my step-daughter happier having a mom who has overcome her depressed days, and my step-daughter’s happiness is the most important thing in all of this. Does this mean that we will best friends? Nope. Does this mean that there are mall trips and coffee conservations in our future? No, again. But I have learnt to be the bigger woman in this situation.
Compassion always disarms your enemy in any battle in life. My grandma always told me that if you are in a constant tug-of-war with somebody maybe it is time to let go of the rope. Ladies, let go of the rope and free yourself from Baby Mama Drama forever.
I wish you all the best in your individual situations and may the Lord be with you through courts dates, visitation wars and child support.
Comment and tell me what you all think about my approach...
I have always ignored her insults and threats even though at times it really hurt to hear that 4 year old child repeating some of the really classless things that her mother would say about me. I never injected myself in husband’s battles. When they were arguing, I supported my husband but stayed out of it. Court dates, visitation pick ups and drop offs, I was always ABSENT, never wanting to fuel drama. But still this woman would never leave my name alone although that was all she about knew about me, my name. I had actually voiced my willingness to meet her when my hubby and I just started dating out of respect to which she replied, “yes, I want to meet her so I can whop her ass!” So that offer was no longer on the table. It had reach the point where after almost 2 years of dating my husband (we were not yet married), this woman had never seen or spoken to me and knew nothing about me expect what my step-daughter told her. However, that never stopped her insults.
As luck would have it one night my husband was at a stop light and she pulled up beside us. She immediately started ringing my hubby’s phone telling him to pull over ( I blame him for answering), of course, he said HELLO NO! She then told him that he was a fcking idiot because he left her for a woman who looks like she is 10 years old. I immediately started laughing because where I am from (I am not American), to tell a woman who is almost 30 years old like myself that she looks like 10, is one of the greatest compliments you could give her and I felt honored. My laughter was brought to a halt when I realized that this woman was following us and actually tried to run us off the road. I immediately realized the seriousness of the situation especially since my 4 year old step daughter was in the car with her. Realizing that she wanted to talk to me, I took the phone from my husband and asked her, what is wrong? She then proceeded to tell me, that I look like 10 and I was skinny light-skinned pregnant dog. At mentioned of my skin color I realized the ignorance of this fellow black woman, and I must admit I put aside my usual classy demeanor for a second and told that she should be the last one to talk about how anybody looks since she looked 42 and is overweight. Just like that she BURST INTO TEARS! Imagine this woman who had tried to make my life miserable for almost 2 years with barrages of threats and insults, burst into tears at me saying FAT. I was quite taken a back and after that conversation I realized that this woman did not deserve me hating her, she needed my compassion as a fellow woman.
After that, I completely changed my approach and started working on my emotions. I tried to reach out to her without overstepping my boundaries. For example, if my step-daughter and I did art while she was at my house I made sure she did one for mother too and told her to take it home to her mom. I started saying positive things about her to my friends instead of the usual, she is just crazy. I surrounded my heart, mind and spirit with positive energy with regards to her. I am not devout Christian (but I do believe in Jesus) and I even started praying for her that she will find peace in place of her bitterness and anger. Many might say, this is a weak approach, but I think it is quite the contrary. You see, any woman can give return insults for insults, blows for blows but it takes a LADY to take a totally negative situation and feed positive energy into it. I realized too that by forgiving her and wishing the best for her it was not to help her but it made me a better person.
To any new wife/girlfriend out there with baby mama drama, I say, be the change that you want to see in your situation. Don’t feed hatred and anger with more hatred and anger. Have compassion for that fellow woman/human being.
Last night I saw my hubby’s baby mother for the 3rd time in almost 3 years and I am happy to report that it was the first time she returned my friendly smile and cordial, “Hi”. She had also lost weight and looked my confident and happier than the last time I saw her. I must say that I am proud of this woman. I know she is still hurting and she might not be where she wants to but she is growing. This will only make my step-daughter happier having a mom who has overcome her depressed days, and my step-daughter’s happiness is the most important thing in all of this. Does this mean that we will best friends? Nope. Does this mean that there are mall trips and coffee conservations in our future? No, again. But I have learnt to be the bigger woman in this situation.
Compassion always disarms your enemy in any battle in life. My grandma always told me that if you are in a constant tug-of-war with somebody maybe it is time to let go of the rope. Ladies, let go of the rope and free yourself from Baby Mama Drama forever.
I wish you all the best in your individual situations and may the Lord be with you through courts dates, visitation wars and child support.
Comment and tell me what you all think about my approach...
