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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2013 13:36:40 GMT -5
Giving birth or adoption is MOST DEFINATELY NOT the only way to be a "parent" LOL infact that is one of the most ignorant things Ive heard. Matter of fact...just because you have given birth DOESNT make you a mother AT ALL! Marriage most CERTAINLY DOES make you a child's parent! STEP parent yes, but none the less-a PARENT of that child. No one on here makes the rules as to what makes someone a parent, REALLY its all a matter of opinion. Yeah it really is a matter of opinion. A woman who gives birth and never signs her rights away is still a parent. How good of a parent she is is a different story, but she is still a parent. And ewww!! Marrying a person does not at all make you a child's parent. Legal process does in fact make the rules. If you marry my son's father, you are no more my child's parent than the man on the moon. That might be a hard pill for the "wanna be mother" SMs out there, but it is absolutely the truth. Again, according to family court, there is no room for opinion on this FACT.I am curious to hear your opinion further bc by NO means am I desperate to be someone's Step mother (I have 3 of my own) but marriage does legally make you that child's step parent. Thats just the way it is. Maybe thats just in my state but I mean it can be viewed anyway a person likes but that is the case where I live. In fact, I hold health insurance for my step daughters since I am the one with better health insurance benefits and the only way I was able to do so was because I am legally their step mother. Maybe I am misunderstanding your view point. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 18, 2013 19:56:20 GMT -5
I am curious to hear your opinion further bc by NO means am I desperate to be someone's Step mother (I have 3 of my own) but marriage does legally make you that child's step parent. Thats just the way it is.
Yes, it absolutely makes you that child's STEP parent. I assume you are equating the parent and the stepparent because the word "parent" appears in both. But if that's the case, then an EXwife is still a wife simply because the word "wife" is in the title. Don't think so.
Maybe thats just in my state but I mean it can be viewed anyway a person likes but that is the case where I live. In fact, I hold health insurance for my step daughters since I am the one with better health insurance benefits and the only way I was able to do so was because I am legally their step mother.
Exactly. You are their STEP mother. My husband holds the health insurance for my son because he is married to me and can legally do so. It doesn't make him his parent. He is his stepfather and an awesome one at that. I am not sure why there is such a black cloud hanging over being a stepparent I absolutely love being a SM. I love my skids to pieces. But I am in no way their mother. They have a mother. How good or bad of a mother she is doesn't change the fact that they are HER kids, not mine. I respect that to the highest. Mainly because I expect the same respect in return when it comes to someone being my son's SM.
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 18, 2013 21:46:23 GMT -5
Y'all didn't know that jaylady999 is omnipotent. She is an OG on this board; she holds the distinct honor of being a baby mama and a step mama....score!! High achieving and all. Now pray tell, why isn't YOUR son on HIS biological dad's insurance? LOL. Funny stuff. I will admit though and generally speaking, that some women do go overboard with stepping into parental duties with kids that are not biologically their own. Unsure if it is done out of a need to overcompensate, some sort of "by default" thing going on and I am not just talking about married women either...I don't know. Give it a rest. Who created this step parent stuff anyway?Blah.
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 4:56:20 GMT -5
Y'all didn't know that jaylady999 is omnipotent. She is an OG on this board; she holds the distinct honor of being a baby mama and a step mama....score!! High achieving and all. Now pray tell, why isn't YOUR son on HIS biological dad's insurance? LOL. Funny stuff.
Actually, it really isn't all that funny. DS has always been on MY insurance, his entire life....BD never held insurance for him by MY choice. I am a BM who does whatever I need to for MY child. And being frank, one of the reasons I chose that for me was because I didn't ever want BD to get married and switch my son's insurance to his wife's when he switched him. Me being the custodial parent, I didn't want to have to go through another woman trying to get insurance cards for DS when the child lives with and has always lived with me. When I got married, DHs insurance was way better than mine, so when I switched me, DS went along with that. And yep, there is a difference between DS being on my DHs insurance and him being on a SMs insurance. I am the one who has always taken him to routine doctor and dental appts and no I didnt want the hassle of going through BD or heaven forbid an overbearing wife to get what I need for MY son with the upkeep of his health. 100% my choice and BD agreed. No biggie there.
And heaven forbid, no SM out there would ever be able to claim they are the mother to my son because they do ANYTHING for him. He has a mother who takes stellar care of her son by any means necessary. The end.
I will admit though and generally speaking, that some women do go overboard with stepping into parental duties with kids that are not biologically their own. Unsure if it is done out of a need to overcompensate, some sort of "by default" thing going on and I am not just talking about married women either...I don't know. Give it a rest. Who created this step parent stuff anyway?Blah.
LOL. I agree there.
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 5:01:14 GMT -5
Maybe thats just in my state but I mean it can be viewed anyway a person likes but that is the case where I live. In fact, I hold health insurance for my step daughters since I am the one with better health insurance benefits and the only way I was able to do so was because I am legally their step mother.
THIS ^^^ is exactly why I carry my own son's insurance. I have never wanted anyone carrying insurance for my son when I am the custodial parent. Being a stepmother just means being married to a man who has kids. It's really not all that serious.
The SMs on this board can go on and on about what they do for their skids blah blah blah, but as a BM, there is no room for a SM to do anything. All the important things, I do. BD is a great father, but he knows his child has a mother who handles her business and leaves no room for a SM to do nothing but spend time with my son while he is with his father (IF she wants to). Important matters? I got it.[/b]
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2013 8:32:55 GMT -5
Maybe thats just in my state but I mean it can be viewed anyway a person likes but that is the case where I live. In fact, I hold health insurance for my step daughters since I am the one with better health insurance benefits and the only way I was able to do so was because I am legally their step mother. THIS ^^^ is exactly why I carry my own son's insurance. I have never wanted anyone carrying insurance for my son when I am the custodial parent. Being a stepmother just means being married to a man who has kids. It's really not all that serious.
The SMs on this board can go on and on about what they do for their skids blah blah blah, but as a BM, there is no room for a SM to do anything. All the important things, I do. BD is a great father, but he knows his child has a mother who handles her business and leaves no room for a SM to do nothing but spend time with my son while he is with his father (IF she wants to). Important matters? I got it.[/b] [/quote] Jaylady...that's great that you are such an awesome mother, but unfortunately not ALL biological mom's are. I have my OWN children and 2 step children so I know both ends as well. I dont however, know what its like to be a BM but I can see where you are coming from on that end bc I cant see myself allowing any woman to take over care for my boys in any way shape or form. I am VERY much into my children and I am very protective of them. I personally would NEVER try to take a mother duties, rights or anything else away from her just bc I am married to the childrens dad. The children in any situation are going to make up their own minds as to how they feel about their "step" mother. HOWEVER I do have to differ with you on your commment earlier about and EX wife and a STEP parent being similar in saying that if a STEP parent means you are a parent then an EX wife means you are the wife. I mean CLEARLY that wasnt the best comparison, lol. EX and STEP obviously mean TWO COMPLETELY different things. EX means "Fomer relationship" and STEP means apparently nothing bc I just Googled it and it says its not even a correct term to say "step parent" so either way, we get the point HOWEVER ex wife or husband is NO LONGER involved and STEP parent or whatever we wanna call the term is currently involved (depending on the situation) |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2013 8:37:22 GMT -5
oh and another thing, I dont do anything for my step daughters except pay for their health insurance and technically I dont even pay EXTRA for them bc it doesnt matter how many children I add, the family plan is the same price regardless of the number of children. I mean I think they are sweet little girls but I treat them more as a friends kids or something bc I wouldnt even feel right, setting rules for them or disciplining them and dont feel its my right. I may paint their nails aor do their hair or have fun with them but I dont behave as a parent to them. I have enough of that responsibility with my own boys. PLUS, due to their mother being the way she is we have BARELY gottten to see the girls much in their lives to even grow a bond. Its sad really.....
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 12:55:37 GMT -5
Jaylady...that's great that you are such an awesome mother, but unfortunately not ALL biological mom's are.
How good or bad of a mother BM is really is none of my concern. DH is an awesome father, so wherever she lacks, he more than makes up for. It has nothing to do with me, except for me lending my hand in support when and if needed. Usually NOT needed.
I have my OWN children and 2 step children so I know both ends as well. I dont however, know what its like to be a BM but I can see where you are coming from on that end bc I cant see myself allowing any woman to take over care for my boys in any way shape or form.
Yes, this has been my guiding force. I can't see it. All I would want from a SM is that she be friendly towards my SM. But on the mother tip, she really isn't needed. BD once had a girlfriend who thought her services were needed to the point of way overstepping. He eventually showed her the door for coming on so strong.
I am VERY much into my children and I am very protective of them. I personally would NEVER try to take a mother duties, rights or anything else away from her just bc I am married to the childrens dad. The children in any situation are going to make up their own minds as to how they feel about their "step" mother. HOWEVER I do have to differ with you on your commment earlier about and EX wife and a STEP parent being similar in saying that if a STEP parent means you are a parent then an EX wife means you are the wife. I mean CLEARLY that wasnt the best comparison, lol. EX and STEP obviously mean TWO COMPLETELY different things. EX means "Fomer relationship" and STEP means apparently nothing bc I just Googled it and it says its not even a correct term to say "step parent" so either way, we get the point HOWEVER ex wife or husband is NO LONGER involved and STEP parent or whatever we wanna call the term is currently involved (depending on the situation)
No, you missed the point I think. It seems as if some think that STEPmother is another form of mother because the word "mother" is in the title. IMO, that is not the case. I am a stepmother, but I do not parent my skids and I never will. Well they are teens now and we've formed a natural bond where they call me when they need stuff and I oblige if I want to. Normally I want to because they are good kids and I like doing things for them. But I dont expect any accolades because of it. It's just what I do out my love for them. You seem to be on the same page I am when it comes to Stepmothering. Honestly, the trend that I notice is that most SMs who want to take over the mothering and feel that they are in some sort of competition with the BM are those who don't have their own children. Like you, I have my own kid to worry about, I am good with that. ;D
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 13:00:18 GMT -5
oh and another thing, I dont do anything for my step daughters except pay for their health insurance and technically I dont even pay EXTRA for them bc it doesnt matter how many children I add, the family plan is the same price regardless of the number of children. That's how it is with my DH. Whether he added my son or not, his premium would have been the same because he also carries his other two children.  I mean I think they are sweet little girls but I treat them more as a friends kids or something bc I wouldnt even feel right, setting rules for them or disciplining them and dont feel its my right. I may paint their nails aor do their hair or have fun with them but I dont behave as a parent to them. I have enough of that responsibility with my own boys. PLUS, due to their mother being the way she is we have BARELY gottten to see the girls much in their lives to even grow a bond. Its sad really..... Don't I know it? BM in my sitch falls short in a lot of areas. Do I pick up some of her slack? Yes, where it concerns the non important things like taking my teen SD for mani/pedi's, getting her hair done, etc. But I'll even be honest and say, some of that is self serving because I only have one child and he is a boy, so I do enjoy having someone to do girly things with.
The BM in our sitch allows plenty of access to the skids, it took years to get here though. Now, I go pick them up myself if I want to. She's over it at this point, which works. I think my only point in this whole thing is that no matter what happens, I am not their mother. They have two parents and I mainly support DH when it is warranted.
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 13:03:22 GMT -5
By the way, for what it's worth, if my employer provided insurance was better than DH's, I'd carry him and his kids on mine. BM wouldn't care, as long as SHE didn't have to, she'd be good.
I do have my teen skids on my cellphone plan that I pay out of pocket and have for the last 6 years. I do it because I don't mind. But it still doesn't make me any closer to being their mother than the woman next door. Again, I think being a SM is awesome. I can do what I want if I want and if I don't want, I am not obligated to. No way do I want to pick up and do motherly things for my skids out of obligation. It would not be fair to my son and is an insult to their actual Mom regardless of how I feel about her personally.
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 19, 2013 14:00:39 GMT -5
Yes, this has been my guiding force. I can't see it. All I would want from a SM is that she be friendly towards my SM. But on the mother tip, she really isn't needed. BD once had a girlfriend who thought her services were needed to the point of way overstepping. He eventually showed her the door for coming on so strong.
While there is segment of women that may not know boundaries or over do it or whatever as already mentioned, some BMs are funny too, believing that other women automatically want to swoop in and be some other woman's child's mother LOL. Please believe that there are many women that have very little to do with their man's kid(s) and like it just like that. I understand a mother highly values her kids and think they are the best thing ever and I get it, but that regard is specific just to that mother. Trust, not everyone else views your child that way.
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 19, 2013 14:16:49 GMT -5
"And heaven forbid, no SM out there would ever be able to claim they are the mother to my son because they do ANYTHING for him. He has a mother who takes stellar care of her son by any means necessary. The end."
"The SMs on this board can go on and on about what they do for their skids blah blah blah, but as a BM, there is no room for a SM to do anything. All the important things, I do. BD is a great father, but he knows his child has a mother who handles her business and leaves no room for a SM to do nothing but spend time with my son while he is with his father (IF she wants to). Important matters? I got it"
Oh dear God, good for you. Want a t-shirt for doing what you are supposed to be doing? Jeez. I believe in a great deal of instances, things are more about adult egos and other issues, than about anything else. Baby mamas are just as nutty as the over zealous step mothers.
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 16:04:09 GMT -5
You don't have to give me anything for doing what I am supposed to do. That wasn't the purpose of the post. The basic premise was that as a BM, I don't leave room for a SM to even believe one second that she is NEEDED in my son's life.
There are crazy BMs and crazy SMs. I don't give either the time of day. End of story.
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 19, 2013 18:48:23 GMT -5
"You don't have to give me anything for doing what I am supposed to do. That wasn't the purpose of the post. The basic premise was that as a BM, I don't leave room for a SM to even believe one second that she is NEEDED in my son's life.
There are crazy BMs and crazy SMs. I don't give either the time of day. End of story."
I got the purpose of the post and you took the question too literally. Your constant need to reinforce these "points" with a somewhat venomous or forceful type of tone is funny and interesting. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Ha!
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 19, 2013 19:27:00 GMT -5
Meh, this lady thinks you are trying too hard to be funny. Huge fail. But by all means, do carry on.  |
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