Male Point of View

[jaylady999]

exactly. and most women know when their man is doing things that will perpetuate the situation and make it worse, i just dont get the feeling from the ladies in here. and as you say, you get it in other forums which i can believe. i've seen it before as well. so i am never saying it doesnt exist, i am only saying that is not the case ALL THE TIME, with ALL BD's out there as the original poster of this thread contends. by the way, what other site are you on that discusses these issues? now i am interested. LOL

[gemmani]

Go to a site called Step Talk. Lawd have mercy girl, the stories these ladies have are INSANE!!!! I get mad just reading them! They ALL have skids that want them dead, an ex from hell, and a DH that either
1. Defends BM against his wife or
2. Buries his head in the sand.
These ladies talk about how their life savings is gone b/c their DH spent it all on his ADULT children, or how they allow the kids to run wild. If SM says anything, then DH yells at SM for mentioning the fact that the kid was misbehaving.

I should have stated that it wasn't THIS forum that that post was directed toward. But when I read it, it was like, "ding ding ding!!!" that's what the other forum needs to read.

Go check it out, I promise you'll be entertained.......and more than slightly pissed off.

www.steptalk.org

[CRAZYAZME]

Wow what a post....I truly understand everyone's point of view.... and I experienced both sides.....First I waant to say Coolbro don't leave you made a lot of valid points which may help some women on this post. However, based on your experience, it seems that you were blessed to have a mature BM, which most men don't, that or you Scared the living soul out of her. ;D

[tellit]

I appreciate the male perspective none the less. He can only post from his perspective and I respect that.

Thanks for sharing with us. I hope you stick around.

[INYOURHEAD]

YEA I BELEVE WHAT HE SAYS. ITS ALL IN OUR MINDS. HE IS MANDINGO. HE GOT HIS BM N CHECK. CANT U HEAR HIM BEATING HIS FIST ON HIS CHEST NOW. PLEASE. SHAME ON US FOR FALLIN IN LUV WITH A MAN WITH KIDZ. I GUESS HIS WIFE WAS A FOOL 2. GET REAL.

[jaylady999]

Aug 6, 2008 14:11:19 GMT -5 @INYOURHEAD said:

YEA I BELEVE WHAT HE SAYS. ITS ALL IN OUR MINDS. HE IS MANDINGO. HE GOT HIS BM N CHECK. CANT U HEAR HIM BEATING HIS FIST ON HIS CHEST NOW. PLEASE. SHAME ON US FOR FALLIN IN LUV WITH A MAN WITH KIDZ. I GUESS HIS WIFE WAS A FOOL 2. GET REAL.

EXACTLY!

[CRAZYAZME]

Why all the bitterness towards him? I read this post twice and I really didn't percieve anything in the way that others did. To me he didn't generalize anything ( He not once said ALL anything), he just spoke from his experience and what he knows of Men and I will agree that women do need to be cautious, I don't care how much a man may love us in the RIGHT NOW...BM, Girlfriend, WIFEE or whatever. And Like I said in my earlier post, it seem like his BM was mature, which I experienced most men do not have mature BM's

WE constantly hear and see how more women get dogged by men than men being dogged by women, so I am not going to blame the brother for his in-put. We should keep a level head in any relationship regardless of our status, Loving SELF first.
And in all honesty I have several times asked my BD why he allows BM to act a CLEAR FOOOL at times...Why don't he just knock her AZ OUT!

Anyway yall dead wrong for talkin about that man's wife (Childish)...I am sure that Men don't respond alot on these sites becuase of this...We women do get toooo emotional and start going off ridiculously. In everything he said in my opinion was not intended to hurt us on this site but to enlighten. Grant it I don't agree with everything he said either but he did make some deep points depending on the circumstance.

BRother Man, Coolbro you seem to be very mature and you knew when to exit....you said you was going to get cussed out and you did. So evidently you know something ABOUT WOMEN!

I want you to come back so that we could converse and debate HEALTHY without the DRAMA ( Iwon't talk abut your wife I promise , but I understand if you don't.

As you always left at the end of your POSTS.....LOVE and PEACE to you! This is why brothers deal with us on an disHONEST level...I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR!

[CRAZYAZME]

BLACK WOMEN EMPOWERMENT


www.empowerme.org/home.htm

[gemmani]

Right...............

I was the one who posted this thread. He posted that response in another thread. He makes good points, and no one here has said otherwise. The ladies here were commenting on the points that weren't completely valid.
To be honest.........he's being very real. But he did come off as condescending. He came at Jaylady a bit and she came right back. That's what we do. Actually, she made a good point, he can't generalize the situation. In that case his wife falls in the same category. If you can dish it out, then you should be able to take it.

This is a public forum. You post here, then you gotta handle whatever people have to say, good or bad.

[CRAZYAZME]

Again...as I re-read all the posts (in my opinion) I did not perceive him generalizing anything (NOT ONCE DID HE SAY ALL MEN Or WOMEN ANYTHING....NOT ONCE)...and he did apologize to the lady in one of them (as a real MAN would do). I just feel that things got out hand over a very opinionated subject, whereas to disrespect a person' family member is unecessary....It should just been kept between them.....BUT like MOST women do (and this is just my OPINION) have to hit below the BELT...OUCH!

And as you said that's what you all do here...take it or leave it and he left....WE are all entitled to our opinions but to be disrespectful is unecessary...

Most likely he won't see the responses towards him anyway because I feel that he is too mature to evenreturn and frankly I can't say that I blame him.

Peace.

[CRAZYAZME]

Tellitlikeitis... EXACTLY!

But I guess when it comes down to it we all handle things differently, some people are not as sensitive as others, and I guess we all should be mindful of that.

Anyway the Forum is about BMs' and dealing with it.... Back to business .

Peace

[jaylady999]

If the responses to this brotha that came from me are what is being referred to, let me go line by line and point out what was wrong with his posting. But before I do, let me definitely disclaim that his post was actually right on the money in SOME cases, NOT ALL. and that was my only issue with what he posted.

____________________
Anyway... I am a 42 year old male with three sons....and it saddens me to see how most women have such low self-esteem, when it comes to men that y'all TOLERATE any and everything, just not to be alone. To the point that y'all fight and DOG each other and keep HIM innocent when 9 times out of 10, he is NOT!!!!!

he insenuates in a very general manner that women who deal with a man who has BM drama have such low self esteem that we would rather deal with the perverbial BS than to be alone, when in reality, most of the women in this forum deal with the issue head on, either directly or indirectly becuz we genuinely love our men and dont plan to let a thorn in the side be the reason for the demise of our relationship. just as this female is not the only reason we stay in the relationship, she also wont be the only reason we choose to leave. meaning that if every other aspect of our relationship is good, and she is the ONLY issue, its not enough of a reason for us to leave. it doesnt mean we have self esteem issues or anything of the sort


1. Any MAN who claims that he can not Control his BM is LYING...Trust what I say WOMEN, it is still something there...how deep, well that depends on their situation.

his entire point #1 just wreaks of generalizations and anyone who cant see it is merely calling words as opposed to reading. when you use words like ANY and then blames BM drama on the fact that the BD is still having feelings for the BM, its a blanketed statement. grant it, i am sure this is true in some cases, probably a lot of cases, but when you use the word ANY and ALL, you lose me in the argument

2. You Women set YOURSELVES up for aggravation, when you decide to DATE a MAN who just broke up with his BM, have infant toddler children, show signs that he has no respect for his BM (what makes u think he is going to have respect for you, I don't care what he's putting in your head, Trust what I say).

now this statement is completely true as far as setting ourselves up for aggravation

3. I made it CLEAR to MY BM that I did not want her anymore in front of her family and my family (She cheated on me) and that she WILL respect my relationship and that if she tried to KEEP MY SON away. I would do everything legally possible to get full custody. That was the END of her ALMOST DRAMA!

again, he is using himself as an example and i applauded how he handled HIS situation. more men should be just like him, but his situation is NOT ALL situations and ALL situations are not cut and dry this way, as i have stated before

4. WOMEN BE VERY CAREFUL that your MEN have strong and VALID REASON for LEAVING his BM.....BECAUSE you are not SOOO pretty and pus is NOT so SWEET that he won't TREAT you the same WAY. TRUST what I SAY. HIS MENTALITY is HIS MENTALITY and only GOD can change THAT

here he is suggesting that as the new girlfriend/wife(as most of us are in this forum) that we seem to think we are better than, or prettier than, and the pus is better than the BM becuz we have the man and the BM does not and i take offense to that alone becuz i am someones BM too and to feel that way, i must then admit that my BD new girlfriend is better than me. the reality is, especially in my case, i do not feel as if i am any better than my DH BM, i just think that they didnt work out and we do. thats it thats all

i love a mans point of view and welcome it as well, but i can only go so far in clappinng and cheering for the original poster if i feel as if the point of view includes a lot of finger pointing and generalizations to say the least. and as Imani said, he was very condescending with it to top it off. one thing i am not is emotional, but if you say what you have to say and you stand by it, you should be prepared to get opinions about it. again, he made excellent points, i will never take that from him, but his delivery left a lot to be desired as far as i am concerned.

[gemmani]

I really don't even see what Crazyazme is talking about.

No one was being disrespectful. Crazy keeps referring to the wife comment and that isn't proving her point one bit. Jaylady was right, if what he's saying is "the truth" then she's right, his wife DOES fall into the same category that he put us in.

This board is FULL of opinionated subjects, and people have strong opinions. This isn't some PG discussion, we really don't need a moderator, thank you.

[jaylady999]

definitely no moderator.

we are all adults up in here and people shouldnt come in here spraying generlizations all over the place and think that no one will reply back to it. hell i said he was right in a lot of what he said, but it just doesnt apply to ALL MEN. i dont even see why the concept of what i am saying is not so easily understood. but Imani, me and you are ---------><--------- HERE.

[youknowwhatits]

I agree with cool bro 100% that's what I've been trying to tell the board for the longest.

1.) You don't have to prove anything to the BM is not your job or place. Just as she doesn't have to prove anything to the wife.

What he's saying if his BM has got you all worked up maybe their is more to his feelings for BM than YOU think. You arrogantly want to believe he loves you MORE.......but maybe that's not the case. Maybe he loves you and wants to be with you but still does have some feelings for her. I

If you felt BM was no threat you YOU.....you wouldn't be worked up or stressed about it. You wouldn't entertain her because you don't need. What he's saying is that his wife doesn't have to interact with his BM or deal with her because he does. He doesn't allow his BM to stress her out or harass them. He never said he didn't have feelings for her ...he said he didn't want her. You can have feelings for someone you don't want to be with. He's telling you your BD or Dh will never admit those feelings to you. Why mess up what he's got going on with you?

If it wasn't for some of you riding DH or BD so hard he probably wouldn't even be pursuing visitation or anything. It's a reason why she can still get over on him.......FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

It's just like that old post that someone's hubby posted and said that he likes the fact that BM still wants him....he knows she's still and OPTION.