Male Point of View

[memyslfni]

Oooh look who the wind blew in Ms. lovejones and Wbmama come to pay us a visit. As you can see the board has grown... ;D

jusdntundstn

[lovejones08]

I know....lol I blew right on in....lol We are the mothers of the BM motherboard..lol!!! I had to see what's going on!

[tienee]

i love everything about this post and i know it to be true As a woman. my husband and i were first friends and BM had not shown her claws yet. It wasn't until he explained to his daughter And BM that we were going to get married that her head begin to spin. and she became this crazed deranged girl. She started keeping his daughter from coming around and he started bowing down to her. one morning she called my houe at 1 am saying there was a mouse in the house i gave him the phone and told him to handle her because if he didn't i would change the locks, change my number, and unlist it as well and drop his clothes off to hs mothers houseand that everything would go out the window because even though he shares a daughter with Bm i will be the one who he vows to love in front of God. It didn't take him 10 seconds to straighten her out. but she was persistent and even though his daughter was with us for he most part. she would call and say he wasn't spending anytime with her. And that did right there for us both. so now 3 years later she still doesn't get it but our life is safe and secure and he has filed for custody , for reasons of child neglect and harrasment.

[daddyinpdx]

CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth,

You also bring good tidings to the group. Although I agree with most of the things that you have posted, there are other points that I have to disagree with you. I hope its alright for brothers to agree to disagree.

Listed below are responses to the statements you made:

CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - Any MAN who claims that he can not Control his BM is LYING...

daddyinpdx – I disagree with you. No one can control no one. We can’t even control our bowels or our breathing when they become irregular. To control something or someone is to also “dominate”

We can never succeed in the drama by trying to control others. In most cases, the reason why most men brown nose their BM is purely out of "FEAR" yes fear. Look deeper into this situation.

The man may have multiple children by either the BM and or another BM besides the first. An increase in his financial obligations could cripple the intimacy in his present relationship. So he plays along with the game until he can come up on better opportunities to do better for both himself and for his children.

Men are performance driven. If you meddle with a mans ability to provide is like castrating him by the testicles. That could really wound a man to the point of despair.

A BD can’t just go threatening your BM with taking legal actions aloud like she’s goanna conform. This woman will have you walking backwards on the wrong side of the street with your shoelaces missing.

Some passive women will go for this, but bra they have some bitter women out there who are real chess players that will check mate that ass with a macho mentality.


CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - . (Depending on the situation) The Man don't want to because...if he takes her to court most likely he will have to pay child support and he could barely support his self...so HE DON'T STOP her CRAP....however still NOT a good enough reason.

Daddyinpdx – This is partially true. Most men, me included prevented from dealing with the courts because of 2 things. One, I was not financial prepared to fund a custody dispute. A retainer is somewhere in the realms of $5,000. It took me many years to come up with a legal fund.

A true warrior has to pick his battles wisely. Second, I had to assure safety to family and children. Think about it, if your BM is cutting tires for getting a girl friend, she is goanna be off da chair when she is served with custody papers. The man is now a target for possible false allegations such as stalking, sexual abuse, and harassment. A man has to think ahead of all of these possible angles before mounting a defense. Make sure that your front is right and tight before you light into a legal “takeover”


CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - The Moral of what I am saying, is that if your man loves and respects you as the QUEENS all of YOU ARE.... He would make SURE that Nothing or NO ONE HURTS or STRESSES you, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY....and ANYTHING LESS is a RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG....and you WOMEN ALWAYS OVERLOOK ALL of the RED FLAGS that I Believe that GOD Shows you, Just for the sake of having the company of a MAN. Sweet HEART.....LOVE DOES NOT HURT NOR STRESS YOU OUT........Check the Definition!

Daddyinpdx – CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth this is real talk. This shows the difference between a real man and a sucka. A real man makes moves, while a real sucka gets rolled on and dictated to by his baby momma. She clowns because she knows he aint gonna budge.

But whoa is the woman who plays this tactic on the BD that masquerades to be a sucka and thus surprises her with a legal coup. She will be begging her BD for surrender. The element of surprise is a persons greatest weapon against Baby Momma Drama.

Don’t cuss, fuss, or threaten. Just stack the cards in your favor and establish your parental rights relentlessly.

[daddyinpdx]

CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth,

You also bring good tidings to the group. Although I agree with most of the things that you have posted, there are other points that I have to disagree with you. I hope its alright for brothers to agree to disagree.

Listed below are responses to the statements you made:

CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - Any MAN who claims that he can not Control his BM is LYING...

daddyinpdx – I disagree with you. No one can control no one. We can’t even control our bowels or our breathing when they become irregular. To control something or someone is to also “dominate”

We can never succeed in the drama by trying to control others. In most cases, the reason why most men brown nose their BM is purely out of "FEAR" yes fear. Look deeper into this situation.

The man may have multiple children by either the BM and or another BM besides the first. An increase in his financial obligations could cripple the intimacy in his present relationship. So he plays along with the game until he can come up on better opportunities to do better for both himself and for his children.

Men are performance driven. If you meddle with a mans ability to provide is like castrating him by the testicles. That could really wound a man to the point of despair.

A BD can’t just go threatening your BM with taking legal actions aloud like she’s goanna conform. This woman will have you walking backwards on the wrong side of the street with your shoelaces missing.

Some passive women will go for this, but bra they have some bitter women out there who are real chess players that will check mate that ass with a macho mentality.


CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - . (Depending on the situation) The Man don't want to because...if he takes her to court most likely he will have to pay child support and he could barely support his self...so HE DON'T STOP her CRAP....however still NOT a good enough reason.

Daddyinpdx – This is partially true. Most men, me included prevented from dealing with the courts because of 2 things. One, I was not financial prepared to fund a custody dispute. A retainer is somewhere in the realms of $5,000. It took me many years to come up with a legal fund.

A true warrior has to pick his battles wisely. Second, I had to assure safety to family and children. Think about it, if your BM is cutting tires for getting a girl friend, she is goanna be off da chair when she is served with custody papers. The man is now a target for possible false allegations such as stalking, sexual abuse, and harassment. A man has to think ahead of all of these possible angles before mounting a defense. Make sure that your front is right and tight before you light into a legal “takeover”


CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - The Moral of what I am saying, is that if your man loves and respects you as the QUEENS all of YOU ARE.... He would make SURE that Nothing or NO ONE HURTS or STRESSES you, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY....and ANYTHING LESS is a RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG....and you WOMEN ALWAYS OVERLOOK ALL of the RED FLAGS that I Believe that GOD Shows you, Just for the sake of having the company of a MAN. Sweet HEART.....LOVE DOES NOT HURT NOR STRESS YOU OUT........Check the Definition!

Daddyinpdx – CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth this is real talk. This shows the difference between a real man and a sucka. A real man makes moves, while a real sucka gets rolled on and dictated to by his baby momma. She clowns because she knows he aint gonna budge.

But whoa is the woman who plays this tactic on the BD that masquerades to be a sucka and thus surprises her with a legal coup. She will be begging her BD for surrender. The element of surprise is a persons greatest weapon against Baby Momma Drama.

Don’t cuss, fuss, or threaten. Just stack the cards in your favor and establish your parental rights relentlessly.

[jaylady999]

daddyinpdx

thank you for your input. i am always willing to take insight from one who i know weighs pros and cons and explains out the situation. anytime a person can just say "this is what it is" all across the board, the meaning of what is being said is lost on me becuz i know for a fact that nothing in life is cut and dry and to try to sell me information the way the original post did, i wasnt tryin to hear it. thanks for your insight. again, i have had my share of BM drama from the wife-in-law, but i never gave in. even during those times when my hubby(then boyfriend only) fell weak to the games, i stood enough ground for me and him. i tried to hold him up as caringly as i could. it was a struggle, but i think i can safely say we made it through. of course there will always be issues, BM will always resent me for holding a place in DH life that i think she feels she rightfully deserves by having his children. but those are HER issues. she is either going to get over it or die from it. progression is my only goal and success is the best way to let her know she does not now, has not in the past or will not ever phase me. thanks so much for your input

[daddyinpdx]

jaylady999,

No problem, my pain is anyone who needs directions gain. My struggle is bigger than myself. Thanks for the kind words.

[youknowwhatitis]

My advice to all BM's is to

1.) Pursue cs as early as possible it is proof the father was not pitching in

2.) Do not talk to BD over the phone he may be recording you. Send short text messages

3.) If he is harassing you notify your local PD and then pay and have a lawyer call him and threaten legal action and send him a letter

4.) When and if BD tries to visit...........keep accurate records and always have a witness they he tried to come or etc.

5.) Know that a lot of these men are just trying to ensure that you get as little of their money and as little control over the situation as possible which is their reason for the "legal takeover"
Plan ahead.

6.) Get an experienced lawyer and good legal advice.......take parenting classes and keep the receipts it makes you look like a devoted mom.

7.) Go to WAR for yourself and your kids and refuse to accept DEFEAT.........you will win this

8.) Don't hesitate to file a restraining order if necessary

9.) Always be safe and say as little as possible to BD don't give him enough rope to hang you.

10.) Instead let him hang himself........these men will never have it over the mom in the USA and if need be I will go to school and become a family lawyer and advocate tirelessly for MOM's. One devoted person can change a system. I won't let women or children lose.

11.) Say as little as possible to BD gf/wifey or any of his family members. Expect them to be on his side.......sadly often even when he is blantantly wrong.......don't worry it will work against him............

[jaylady999]

youknowhat,

wow, in just reading your posts, i see that you are still very angry. i will continue to pray for your deliverance

[youknowwhatitis]

Pray for me girl...........I need all the prayer I can get. Don't be upset because I am advocating for MOTHER's. And unlike you all I'm advocating for all mother's whether they are bm's, ex wives, side pieces etc.

[jaylady999]

what you fail to realize is that i am someone's BM just the same. hell i was one man's BM before i became another man's wife. So i come speaking from experience of both sides. i relate to you becuz i was bitter as well. i was cheated on by my BD when i was preggers with his son. but i had to forgive him in order to move on with my life and be the mother that my son deserves. you are very angry and bitter and according to your story, it is rightfully so. but at some point, you are going to have to let that anger go in order to effectively raise your child. i applaud all of the accomplishments you have made and are still making in your life, but it wont do your child a bit of good if you cant let go of the past and anger

[youknowwhatitis]

Jaylady.....thank you for finally being someone on the board who acknowledge I was rightfully angry. That's all I wanted. I agree with you 100% holding on to anger and bitterness will do me or my son not a bit of good. This are going pretty good and in Dec by faith in God will be much better. Thanks for acknowledging my right to be and angry and my accomplishment. Finally someone on the board understands.

[jaylady999]

I definitely understand your anger i think most of the other women on this board do as well. the key is to not focus so much on the anger and focus on your child. i am not saying that you are not focusing, i know you are. but that anger that you have, even if its just a little bit(but in your case its a lot. LOL) could be used as positive energy towards your child. if you are giving your child 95% and the other 5% is going towards being angry, thats 5% that could be used and appreciated so much more by the life you brought into this world. that percentage was being very generous. i think its more like you are about 50% still angry. i want to see you give that energy to your child is all

[gemmani]

I can understand where the anger is coming from, no doubt. I just don't appreciate having all that anger spilling over from every single post. It gets tiring and it doesn't make me empathetic to your situation.

[daddyinpdx]

Gemmani,

I truly believe that youknowwhatitis is in a war with herself.

Anger rest in the bossom of fools- Proverbs

We've all been there in our personal struggles. The question to her is how long do you want to remain stuck in the abyss of excuses?

Although I disagree with some of her view points, I'm only going to focus on the good within her. She's an intelligent woman that has allowed anger to cloud her ability to reason.

I have faith in your abilty to overcome your pain youknowwhatitis, because times heals all wounds.

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."

Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting...A wounded person cannot--indeed, should not--think that a faded memory can provide an expiation of the past. To forgive, one must remember the past, put it into perspective, and move beyond it. Without remembrance, no wound can be transcended."

Beverly Flanigan

"Forgiveness is a rebirth of hope, a reorganization of thought, and a reconstruction of dreams. Once forgiving begins, dreams can be rebuilt. When forgiving is complete, meaning has been extracted from the worst of experiences and used to create a new set of moral rules and a new interpretation of life's events."

Beverly Flanigan