Cell phones vs. Land Lines

[youknowwhatitis]

Sounds like a bunch braggadocious women......intimidated by DH's past with BM. Just because you're a man's wife doesn't men you have ANY say in what goes on with DH & another woman's. If I was the BM in some of your situation there is no way I would accept a 3rd wheel in the co-parenting relationship I had with my child's father (assuming he was a decent father.) I would accept your presence and the fact that you two are an official couple but I would in no way kiss your azz or try to accomodate your wishes because that is NOT my concern. My concern would be him paying child support and spending quality time with my son. If you didn't want me calling your home..........tells me your insecure. But if I did call your home it would be about the child and child related issues. If you sat in on the other end of the conversation or picked up another phone...........tells me you're intimidated by me and you don't really trust DH. If you tried to tell DH how to handle affairs with me.......tells me you're actively working against me and once again you are intimidated by me. Braggin about your wife status is only a front to conver up your insecurity and attempt to make BM feel bad. Me personally I don't want my BD and I sure as hell don't want anyone who doesn't want me. But I would keep it polite and respectful for the sake of the children involved. Also as BD's wife I expect you to respect me as the mother of his children and as human being and then and only then will you get the respect you deserve as a wife. Respect is a two way street. If me and BD have beef..........I expect you to take his side.........out of fear of losing him or him getting closer to me. Some of you claim to be so secure but your behavior and comments point to personal insecurity. Nothing wrong with BM calling BD cell phone.............no phone calls from the mother of his children should have to be deciphered or filtered or monitored by you. You tell BM's to have more self-respect and I as a BM tell you have more self respect and stop saying that your not stooping to their level when in actuality YOU ARE.

People marry and divorce all the time or else decide to stay together because it's easier and cheaper. Whatever happened between DH and BM is none of your business really.......because it's Past. It's a known fact gf's and wifeys are intimidated by BM's. A lot of BM's especially the lower integrity one's play upon this as you see some of the BM's you deal with do. Marriage is not about STATUS......it's about love and commitment. No people don't always get along but it's not about you getting along with BM or her with you. It's about accepting the situation for what it is and not constantly trying to change it. That's what I learned about my situation with my BD......it's time to accept that it is the way it is and not attempt to change, repair, debate it or anything anymore it's time to let it DIE...and move on to the NEXT.

One person the one who wrote dreaded first meeting talked about taking her place. Your place is beside your new man........you have absolutely nothing to do with BM........maybe her children when their in your care but personally..........you have nothing to do with or her with you. So what place do you have to take. Sounds like insecurity talking to me. Just because your with the BD doesn't mean you're secure in it and in my opinion if BD really respected YOU he wouldn't tell you anything bad she say's about you cause he can't stop her from saying it or thinking it nor would he allow his children to berate you. Also if you really respected him you wouldn't put her down to him......she is still the mother of his children. YOu may disagree with something she says or does but you would never personally diss her because in effect you're dissing his kids because she had them and most likely is rearing them. IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO RESPECT AND IT'S A TWO WAY STREET. I'm off my soap box

[tellit]

Aug 15, 2008 19:26:00 GMT -5 youknowwhatitis said:

Sounds like a bunch braggadocious women......intimidated by DH's past with BM. Just because you're a man's wife doesn't men you have ANY say in what goes on with DH & another woman's...If you didn't want me calling your home..........tells me your insecure.

[/b][/u]

Whatever happened between DH and BM is none of your business really.......because it's Past.

Marriage is not about STATUS......it's about love and commitment.

One person the one who wrote dreaded first meeting talked about taking her place. Your place is beside your new man........you have absolutely nothing to do with BM........maybe her children when their in your care but personally..........you have nothing to do with or her with you. So what place do you have to take. Sounds like insecurity talking to me. Just because your with the BD doesn't mean you're secure in it and in my opinion if BD really respected YOU he wouldn't tell you anything bad she say's about you cause he can't stop her from saying it or thinking it nor would he allow his children to berate you. Also if you really respected him you wouldn't put her down to him......she is still the mother of his children. YOu may disagree with something she says or does but you would never personally diss her because in effect you're dissing his kids because she had them and most likely is rearing them. IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO RESPECT AND IT'S A TWO WAY STREET. I'm off my soap box[/quote]

Youknow-While I do agree that GFs and wives should not interfere with co-parenting relationships between BMs and DHs, I do not agree that we do not have a say about what goes on between DH and another woman. We are our DH's partners. Supporting your DH is not a sign of insecurity...It is a sign of strength. Most of the woman who post here are frustrated because what went on between the BM and their DH is not in the PAST. The BM is using the PAST to interfere with DH's relationship with their child or the relationship with his wife or girlfriend. That is our concern.

We all see things from our perspective. You have a child with a man who has decided not to actively participate in your child's life. But, there are many man who DESIRE to participate in their child's life but some BMs are too bitter to allow that man to do so without running interference. Those are the BMs that many of our SOs deal with. If you aren't one of those BMs than you do not have anything to be defensive about. I understand that you are holding it down for the BMs but ALL BMs are not created equally.

As far as gemanni post about dreaded first meeting. It does not appear as though she said anything about the BM. On the contrary, the BM had a lot to say about her. The BM is the person who appears to be speaking negatively about her to the children. According to her post, gemanni handled the situation in an classy manner even though the BM was trying to antagonize her. Gemanni could have come out of the bag on her but at the end of the day, gemanni walked away with her head held high. She was an example for her future step children-the example that their mother did not attempt to set. The BM appeared to be too consumed with jealously and hatred towards a woman (gemanni) that she was just meeting for the FIRST TIME.

The same respect you feel the BM deserves as the children's mother is the same respect that the BM needs to give to gemanni as her children's future SM. As you pointed out, respect is a TWO WAY STREET.

[memyslfni]

That was very well said Tellit....( and A round of applause goes too!....

[youknowwhatitis]

Au contraire.......common sense is common sense tell it. My son's father not being involved with my son has nothing to do with the TRUTH. Over involving yourself is a sign of weakness not strength....true strength is trusting your BD to handle things without YOUR constant interference. My BD desires to come and pick up my son......I do not allow it because I don't trust him or his family.

The majority of the post's are negative comments about the BM..somebody some where posted that the BM should be low on his (DH's) list of priorities. How ignorant....the BM can only be as low as her children. She is their mother and makes the decisions concerning them. Now his personal or romantic feelings for her can take a back seat. But she is vital to the relationship with his children and getting visitation...........which some of you think will take the BM out of the situation....rarely works. You cannot take the BM out of a parenting relationship no more than BM can take BD out of the parenting relationship. Basically it all boils down to RESPECT as I stated before.

To even have a post where you are debating whether the BM should call the cell phone or the land line proves there is insecurity. Who the H*ll cares which line she calls. So there is obviously and over concern where the BM is concerned. I don't see it as strength I see it as weakness. Why are you so worried about what line she decides to call. Do you really think some woman is going to follow your rules as far is when, what line, and what to call her childrens father for.....I do not think so...it is so childish. He may be your new man or husband but he is always her children's father and to that there will have to be balance. He owes her a debt that must be paid....ie child support and she does have the upper hand where those areas Cs and visitation is concerned. Like I said some things you have to accept and quit trying to resist. That's the case point blank.

[youknowwhatitis]

Also the BM is not "Another Woman" she is the mother of his children to which he is either successfully or unsuccessfully involved in a co parenting relationship.

Definition of co-parenting: Sharing parenting responsibilities with....you cannot be in contact with someone you are sharing parenting responsibilities with.

*When the kids are in you and DH care you all are co parenting
*When the kids are outside you and DH care DH and BM should be co parenting

[youknowhatitis]

I originally was against BM calling DH's cell phone because she would ABUSE it. BM got DH's cell phone # when SD visited us 3 years ago. She told him she wanted it to be able to contact her daughter at ANY TIME. SD was only with us for 2 days but BM continued to call DH's cell phone for silly stuff not relating to the child. When I mentioned something to BM about it, she got smart and sent an email telling me that if DH did not want her calling her cell phone, HE can tell her not to call it. Then the heffa called my DH's cell phone to complain to him about me asking her not to call his cell phone but to call the home phone number (like she has always BEFORE she got his cell phone number). DH shut her down when she tried to bad mouth me and asked her WHY did she call the cell phone number? Yes, I player her because I knew she would run to my DH whining about something I said..she has always tried to divide and conquer. I also knew my DH would put her in her place...and it happened. She got upset when he shut her down and stopped calling his cell phone for a while. Then she started up again about 6 months later. I decided to pick my battles and never said anything else about it because DH did not answer the phone when she called.

Last year DH was deployed, therefore, his old number was disconnected. Now he has a new cell phone number. I told him that I did not want BM to have his new cell phone number. I feel that she should continue to call the house the SAME WAY she did when he was deployed. She had NO CHOICE but to call here since she had no other way to contact him other than email (and she doesn't have computer access -- or so she says). I feel strongly about it because BM always tries to have inappropriate conversations with DH. She also feels that he should be available to her because she popped out a child over 14 years ago. I think NOT!! I don't mind if SD calls it but I really have a problem with BM calling his cell phone. But if DH gives SD his cell number it is like giving it to BM. I guess you can say that I want the BM to know her PLACE...Yes, I admit it, so go ahead and bash me youknowwhatitis. LOL.

Was I right, wrong? What do you feel about your SO's BM calling his cell phone when he has a home phone number?

-Posted by tellit in July


***This basically proves my point it's jealousy (yes I did say it) and hating in the 1st degree. And really probably the reason why a lot of you have BM drama. She doesn't need to know her place.... if you constantly need to be reassured....you can't be that confident.....and if you feel the need to attempt to play her with BD you can't be that confident. SD is 14 they are still supposed to be co-parenting till 18. You are running interference otherwise known as HATING.....but accusing BM of doing it...yes like I said in the previous post.....STOP ACTING LIKE YOU AIN"T THE ONE"S STOOPING LOW. Once again sign of insecurity.

She can say whatever she want's to DH. It' s America a free country. Possibly this is why she ran off to AK. Tired of dealing with the drama. So in turn you attempting to hurt her.........cause's her to hurt DH. This is a sick sad cycle. People let's grow up.

It is really necessary for a child to have two separate birthday parties because adults can't act like adults.

[Tellit]

Aug 16, 2008 12:18:46 GMT -5 youknowwhatitis said:

My BD desires to come and pick up my son......I do not allow it because I don't trust him or his family.

** Keia, you are INTERFERING in BD's relationship with his child based on his past. You appear to be acting like some of the women that we have posted about. BD does not have to earn your trust. He needs to earn his child's trust because as you have stated, you are secondary. You are getting child support and the BD wants to see his child-yet still you are upset with him. Why? You are not allowing him to visit. But you are only harming your son, not the BD. The BD is old enough to handle it, your child isn't. This is what we argue about on this website dedicated to BABY MAMA DRAMA. **

The majority of the post's are negative comments about the BM * Again, this is a website used to discuss Baby Mama Drama. BMD is not usually positive. If every thing was positive about BD and BM's relationship then none of us would have a need to post ANYTHING at all about BMD**..

somebody some where posted that the BM should be low on his (DH's) list of priorities. How ignorant....the BM can only be as low as her children. ** Do you believe that a woman deserves a badge of courage because she gives birth to a baby? Should the man continue to kiss the BM's AZZ because she had a child? Anyone can have a baby but it takes a STRONG WOMAN to raise the child. A strong woman doesn't continue to argue over things that are not within her control. She doesn't keep the child away from their parent because she is upset that something with the BD did not go her away. She puts her personal feelings about BD to the side and focuses on her child's needs.**

She is their mother and makes the decisions concerning them. Now his personal or romantic feelings for her can take a back seat. But she is vital to the relationship with his children and getting visitation...........which some of you think will take the BM out of the situation....rarely works ** I don't recall one poster to this site who wanted to take BM out of the equation. All of us realize that BM is important. We want BM's to realize that BD plays an important part of the child's life too. We want BM to stop acting ignorant and throwing childish temper tantrums because BD has another woman in his life. What is the saying, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change..." ** You cannot take the BM out of a parenting relationship no more than BM can take BD out of the parenting relationship ** Our point is that some BMs DO try to take BD out of the parenting relationship **. Basically it all boils down to RESPECT as I stated before.

To even have a post where you are debating whether the BM should call the cell phone or the land line proves there is insecurity. Who the H*ll cares which line she calls. So there is obviously and over concern where the BM is concerned. I don't see it as strength I see it as weakness. Why are you so worried about what line she decides to call. Do you really think some woman is going to follow your rules as far is when, what line, and what to call her childrens father for.....I do not think so...it is so childish. He may be your new man or husband but he is always her children's father and to that there will have to be balance. He owes her a debt that must be paid....ie child support and she does have the upper hand where those areas Cs and visitation is concerned. Like I said some things you have to accept and quit trying to resist. ** You take our post to mean that we don't think BD should pay CS. I understand that your BD did not want to. But I think if you read our post, you would find that many of our SOs pay CS and do other things for their children. BD does not owe BM a debt. He has a responsibility to his child. One of his responsibilities to his child is to pay financial support. It should not be about who has the upper hand and why. If there was a TRUE co-parenting relationship, there would not be a need for keeping score. But some BMs DO unfortunately play childish games and try to control the BD just because they have a child. Unfortunately some BMs use the child to try to control the BD. Many times this causes BMD. ** That's the case point blank.

** Not all but some BM's do use the cell phone as a way of trying to avoid the wife/girlfriend/fiancee and also use it as a way of trying to maintain contact with the BD for personal reasons. In that case, the woman in the BD's life has a right to address it with their SO. It is not about expecting the BM to follow our rules. I feel that the man should respect their woman's feelings. He should ask BM to call his landline instead of cell phone-if wife/girlfriend/fiancee has problem. He should do whatever is necessary to shield his SO from drama including changing his cell phone number if necessary. **

[Tellit]

Aug 16, 2008 12:24:36 GMT -5 youknowwhatitis said:

Also the BM is not "Another Woman" she is the mother of his children to which he is either successfully or unsuccessfully involved in a co parenting relationship.

Definition of co-parenting: Sharing parenting responsibilities with....you cannot be in contact with someone you are sharing parenting responsibilities with.

*When the kids are in you and DH care you all are co parenting
*When the kids are outside you and DH care DH and BM should be co parenting

Many of the women who post here SOs do not have co-parenting relationships with BM. Many desire one but due to the BM's INSECURITIES, the BM does not allow BD to have one with her.
By the way, I actually got "Another Woman" from your post.

[youknowwhatitis]

I totally disagree............he can ask the BM to do whatever.....but if it's because of you or anybody else besides him..............DON"T THINK SO. You knew he had a BM before you signed up to be with him....YOUR PROBLEMS are YOUR PROBLEMS. I wouldn't rearrange my communication preferences to suit BD's gf/wifey.

While I will respect you woman to woman I will not change to accomodate you. Me not allowing BD to get son is protecting my 22 month old who would not go off with the strange man anyway. He has to earn trust from me and the child.......because ultimately I'm the head honcho when it comes to the child. I'm pretty sure your BD doesn't want to pay CS either........it's court ordered. And even if he did do for them.......well great!!!!

The gf/wifey's insecurity is what leads to BM drama.......or either the man's blatant lack of respect or responsibility. No man yours or any other can make a BM respect any other woman. In BM's eye's your status with BD means NOTHING.........and that's what infuriates you and feeds your insecurity.

Same as with BD's sister.............she knew that her relationship with my son to me meant NOTHING........once she made her bed she had to lie in it. So now she's mad because I won't allow her to see my child so she recruits the family to boycott him because I ex'd her off his spend time with list. There actions is to just attempt to make me regret it..........GUESS WHAT I DON''T.

Rather I"m glad I made that decision because it showed me who they really are. If BD want's to co parent he'll have to go through me as I know our son better than anyone. If he chooses not too old well.........son is still loved and well provided I'm not going to seek to change. I realized........why even care?

Your post doesn't really make any sense.

[Tellit]

Aug 16, 2008 13:43:30 GMT -5 @youknowhatitis said:

I decided to pick my battles and never said anything else about it because DH did not answer the phone when she called.

Last year DH was deployed, therefore, his old number was disconnected. Now he has a new cell phone number. I told him that I did not want BM to have his new cell phone number. I feel that she should continue to call the house the SAME WAY she did when he was deployed. She had NO CHOICE but to call here since she had no other way to contact him other than email (and she doesn't have computer access -- or so she says). I feel strongly about it because BM always tries to have inappropriate conversations with DH. She also feels that he should be available to her because she popped out a child over 14 years ago. I think NOT!! I don't mind if SD calls it but I really have a problem with BM calling his cell phone. But if DH gives SD his cell number it is like giving it to BM. I guess you can say that I want the BM to know her PLACE...Yes, I admit it, so go ahead and bash me youknowwhatitis. LOL.

Was I right, wrong? What do you feel about your SO's BM calling his cell phone when he has a home phone number?

-Posted by tellit in July


***This basically proves my point it's jealousy (yes I did say it) and hating in the 1st degree. And really probably the reason why a lot of you have BM drama. She doesn't need to know her place.... if you constantly need to be reassured....you can't be that confident.....and if you feel the need to attempt to play her with BD you can't be that confident. SD is 14 they are still supposed to be co-parenting till 18. You are running interference otherwise known as HATING.....but accusing BM of doing it...yes like I said in the previous post.....STOP ACTING LIKE YOU AIN"T THE ONE"S STOOPING LOW. Once again sign of insecurity.

She can say whatever she want's to DH. It' s America a free country. Possibly this is why she ran off to AK. Tired of dealing with the drama. So in turn you attempting to hurt her.........cause's her to hurt DH. This is a sick sad cycle. People let's grow up.

It is really necessary for a child to have two separate birthday parties because adults can't act like adults.

Youknow-this post is absolutely laughable. LMAO!!! Some BMs try to convince themselves that their BD's SOs are jealous of them. PLEASE!! If it makes you feel better, I will say that I am jealous of her. LOL. Okay, do you feel better? My reaction to BM trying to have inappropriate conversations with my DH had as much to do with jealousy than ...... DH has been there and done that with her...Ain't trying to go back again. It is about RESPECT. I demand my DH's respect. If he knows that BM is trying to disrespect our relationship, I expect him to handle that. BM does have her place...When I feel that BM is trying to overstep her boundaries then I address it. You can add whatever spin you with like because your opinion of a conversation that I had with my DH means what to me? Absolutely nothing.

But thanks for the laugh. I got a good chuckle out of it. ;D

[youknowwhatitis]

Well I"m glad it brought you a laugh........plainfully speaking....I just told you the TRUTH.

BD's SO's are jealous of them and intimidated by them.....or else they wouldn't care what inappropriate conversations they have or feel a need to attempt to regulate it.

When I am a WIFE.............I d**n sure ain't spending my time worried about his BM or no other B*tch. And I ain't wasting my energy trying to regulate their relationship. I will be too busy enjoying my man and his d*ck, and his money and handling my business like a secure confident WIFE would. I don't have to make sure my DH respects me because if he's the right one..........HE WILL.

[Tellit]

"Plainfully speaking" you have told YOUR TRUTH which appears to be somewhat skewed.

I appreciate your thoughts. And you are entitled to your opinion. They are like AZZholes, we all have one.

I can't see you responding calmly to any woman disrespecting your marriage when you have so much bitterness and anger with BD over something he was supposed to have done to you two years ago. You can't let THAT go, so I KNOW you would not allow another woman to dispect your household. BD pays you child support AND you claim he wants to spend time with his child but you don't allow it. SO, what's with all of the bitterness towards BD? BD has a brain injury and is permanently disabled right? You said he deserved it. Even after BD got what you think he deserved (your words), you are still angry with him. You still don't allow him to participate in his child's life. You still try to find ways to hurt BD (but your son is the one being hurt). BD can handle it-he's a big boy. BD got "what he deserved" (your words but don't have time to figure out which one of your personalities posted it). You have TVs, a nice home, a nice car, education, child support (your words). All that you have and you are still angry about what BD did two years ago. Must be a B*tch!

You see honey, we can all throw stones. Remember what is said about glass houses.

And so now you want to talk about what your reaction will be in a marriage? We can all SAY what we will do. Yeah, you'll sit down and allow a woman to speak inappropriately to your DH--Okay. Sure you're right. You are hilarious tonight!! LOL.

Your fairy tales of what your reaction will be IF you get married have made me suddenly sleepy. Going to bed now. Good night.

[jaylady999]

wow, lots of debating going on up in here. and i will speak, yet again, as both a BM and as a wife.

first off, as a BM, since I've been that for 11 years. I can honestly say, my BD and I have never discussed what phone I was supposed to call(cellphone or lineline), I automatically called his cellphone cuz thats the phone I've always called, long before he had a girlfriend, then wife, and now he is divorced, so back to having a girlfriend. (another story in itself. LOL). but becuz I have definitely moved on from BD(even long before I met my DH), i realize that there is a role that i play in his life and causing havoc is JUST NOT IT. sure, i am a part of his past, but i am not a part of his current or his future life. OUR SON IS. and thats the bottom line. with his current girlfriend, hell i have his cellphone, housephone, and HER cellphone number just as well. but that is becuz me and her have formed an amicable relationship outside of my sons father, becuz that is what BM'S ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. she spends a lot of time with my son and i definitely want to be in the "know" of the type of people that are around my son, if at all possible. not as a hounding BM, but as a "friend", for lack of a better word. she just dropped my son off to me on yesterday becuz BD was at work. i am not threatened by her, nor do i try to be a threat to her. its just the type of relationship that adults should have. however, during the last 11 years of my sons life, i have seen them come and go and my only position in his life was in co-parenting, so anything else was irrelevent. as a BM, i was the one responsible for any conflict that did or did not happen in this situation. i chose not to the bring conflict.

speaking as a wife, his BM doesnt WANT to call my housephone. for the first 5 years of DH and my relationship, we only operated off cellphones. he had his and i had mine. only recently did we get a home phone becuz it came with our cable/internet package. seems kinda foolish of me to request his BM call our home when she has been calling his cell for so long. i am not trying to control her relationship with her BD. that is becuz she is NO THREAT to me that i am comfortable with her calling his celly. that is the least of my issues. besides, my stepdaughter has a cellphone under my account, so he has direct contact with his children that dont even include the BM. LOL but of course if there is an adult co-parenting discussion that needs to be had, she is free to call his cellphone, i have no problem with it

[youknowwhatitis]

Piggy backing off of that tellit it does seem you are trying to control BM's relationship with DH which is probably 25% of what's keeping the drama going. As far as me and BD goes actually I have released it.....see it takes time and expression to fully vent something and let it go it also takes understanding which develops with time. Maybe you don't understand that. BD's character and families character is very questionable and NO they are not allowed to come and get my child. Bd may visist if he wishes but if NOT......oh well. Too bad so asd.

When I marry which is NOT AN IF..........SIMPLY A MATTER OF WHEN any man I"ve ever dated would marry me. BD actually wanted to get married I didn't.......(just so you know) and I'm glad I didn't marry him because once I found out who he really is I would not want to be legally attached to him. I am 20 something, sexy, will be a RN very soon........as you see dear I'm a hell of catch. I m not insecure worrying about what some other B*tch is saying to my husband it's HIS responsibility to put her in check.........NOT MINE.......now if he's needs backup.......IM DOWN.

You my dear are not back up..........you are the whole shebang. You tell it............have CONTROL ISSUES.........you feel free to tell me about mine........so I'm telling you about yours. At least I'm willing to deal with mine and not be in DENIAL. Because you cannot change what you do not confront.

As I said in some earleir posts (which I"m sure someone will probably fined) Marriage is not about status it's about love an committment. So when I do marry I won't run around flauntin that I"m a wife...............I'll be too busy working on and with my relationship with my husband. Also for the record I will not marry someone with more than 1 baby mama. It's just a recipe for trouble. Need I mention tne high divorce rates etc......when I do marry I'm learning from everything I"ve been through...........I'm marrying smart and probabaly WHITE.

Enjoyed debating with you tellit. LOL

[Tellit]

Jay, DH's BM has tried through out the course of our relationship to run interference in our marriage. She has played childish games. I don't view her as a threat but I see her as a TROUBLE MAKER who has continually tried to disrespect me. When she got a hold of DH's cell phone number it was another thing she could add to her methods of madness. When we first got married, I did not want BM calling our home phone due to our past history (she attacked me). I did not want to deal with her at all. She had to page my DH and he would call her back. I did not even want to talk to her. She HAD to have our home number and when she got it, she called just to let me know that she had it. She wanted to be able to call his home to speak with him about his child.

I will admit that I had A LOT of anger with BM after she attacked me. After I was saved and BM was supposed to have become a Christian also, I tried to let the anger go. I relented on my request that BM not call our home. BM called to her heart's content. I felt that I had grown a lot (with a lot of praying). I tried to develop an amicable relationship with BM. I even tried to help BM out when she asked if she could deal with me instead of DH because they did not get along. That turned into her running to DH telling lies about things I supposedly said. She had me and DH at each other's throats telling him that she called me and I told him that we would do this and that relating to SD (never had conversation). I cut that out and told BM that she needed to speak directly with DH. For over 5 years, BM called our house.
I even endured BM telling MIL that she wanted to have another child but she did not want 2 kids by two different men, so she wanted to have another child by my DH. MIL and I had a good laugh over that one.

When BM got DH's cell phone number a few years ago, she went hog wild with it. BM used cell phone as another way to interfere in our relationship. Calling him to have personal conversations with him not relating to their child. Many times when she called him, I was sitting right next to him. BM is a trouble maker who uses whatever means she can to stir it up. She has for over 12 years now.

I feel that to keep the level of drama down, don't give BM any thing to use. Since she did not KNOW how to use the cell phone number properly...Just used it to try to disrespect our marriage...Although her calling the house does not prevent her from having inappropriate conversations, she is less likely to try to have conversations like...."You were looking good in that picture" (she was looking at pics of them in high school).

DH has been great in making certain BM knows her place. When BM has tried to steer their conversation down an inappropriate path, he clammed up and ended the conversation. Then he stopped accepting her phone calls on his cell phone at all. He only accepted her call if she called on the home phone. If something she says or does bothers me OR him, we discuss it. In the grand scheme of things, she is his BM to deal with.

Youknow sees it as interference. For years, DH visited with his child. He picked up his child for weekend and summer visits. He spoke with his child without any interference from me. Heck, if he was working, I picked up his child for visitation. If Keia calls speaking to DH when the BM is trying to disrespect me is interference, then yep, I have interfered...I don't feel that I have to be constantly disrespected by BM in order to allow DH to have a relationship with his child. If BM had realized that DH could have a relationship with his child without enduring her making passes at him, then we would not have had to set boundaries with her....This is the same BM who not even a year ago (even though she is in AK) asked me if DH and I were still together....Almost 12 years of marriage and the woman is still waiting for the man she feels like should have been HER husband.
While DH and I had a great laugh about it, it is still kind of sad that a person can hold onto an illusion for such a long time.