Female mentality

[shortydo]

lol. i know that's right

[gemmani]

Excuse me youknowwhatitis, let's not get things twisted. Do NOT front like there aren't BMs who just want to "nail him to the wall". Stop with all the righteousness, we all know its bs. In MY situation, we have a greedy summab*tch who either wants him back or wants him to suffer. This c*nt of a BM doesn't pay rent, bills, all she has to pay is for the kids. NOW tell me why they need almost $2800 a month for kids. Go on, tell me. Now add on the fact that SHE DOESN'T SEND THEM TO DAYCARE, so she's just pocketing that $$.
Please. If you knew everything youknowwhatitis, then YOUR situation wouldn't be what it is. Once again, glass houses.........

[youknowwhatitis]

Technically it is her money because the child is a minor. If the kids are babies they can't give any input. Maybe I am the BM from hell because if me and my child's dad are no longer together from my experience you cannot effectively negioate with someone you are no longer with. And depending on the mentality of the ex someone else could come along and start 3rd party interference saying you shouldn't have to do this or that and if he's weak minded or weak willed he may start listening to that nonsense. If him and BM had an agreement b4 new person shows up it should continue to be upheld. in every bm/bd situation I have seen once a new person or new people show up it becomes a drama. So for me cs is preventive. The money will come directly to me and he's free to call and see the kid or kids at his discretion. That why no one can come in and try to interfere with our financial and custodial arrangement. It's called protecting yourself and your kids interest. some bms and bd's start tripping when someone new enters the ex's life. People are schiesty today and based on my experiences if you dont protect you no one else will. I could care less who my bd dates or is dating. As long as they treat my child fine I don't care but he still needs to financially contribute to the situation and if she shows up and try's to interfere with that then cs is in his future. I guess i do play hardball.

[youknowwhatitis]

Gemmani, I knew enough to protect my self and my child's interest. What he chooses to do or not do is not my fault. I do not control BD's behavior he is grown and he control's his own. Or let's somebody else influence him. I do not take any responsibility for what a BD does or doesn't do physically for my son. That have what's called a choice. I don't live in a glass house and I have never made it a practice of throwing stones. Telling my opinion oh hell YES I will do that. A mother cannot make her BD do anything but pay cs anything he decides outside of that not to do is his personal choice and preference.

[nomoredrama]

Keia, it is not protecting yourself, it is pure greed. The BM is going end up like a lot of BMs. She is going to rely upon the child support to make it. She is not trying to use this time to further herself so that she can contribute equally to her children's care. But, one day the children will get of age and the well will run dry. It is then that she will realize that she has no skills to care for herself. She will be 50 years old, no skills, no job, and no money. And, guess what. She will be too old to lie on her back and have another man's child to help support her lazy butt. Thank God for biological clocks!! She will end up a wrinkled-up, lonely, broke, old Itch-bay.

Keia, I understand that you are a single mother and more power to you. Everyone's situation is different. You say you take good care of your son. That is great. It doesn't appear as though this BM is doing her part. Doing her part involves putting in work. Being able to lie on your back and conceive a child is not the only work that is involved.

You keep telling us to keep an open mind but you don't appear to have one. No matter how wrong the BM is doing the BD, you find a way to try to justify her behavior. A LOT of BMs try to justify their behavior and it leads to crazy BM drama. No child support is not just about the money. But when a BM gets a ridiculous amount then the group focuses on it.

How you gonna justify a woman getting almost $3000 per month? And, the man has the child most of the time? Again, I say that the man and his wife should seek custody. It does not only have to do with the money but if the man is going to provide ALL of the financial support and then have the child MOST of the time, then why not seek custody. If he is going to do it by himself, he should just DO IT by himself. And I don't want to hear that crap about the best interest of the child. Obviously the father is the best interest of the child. He is providing financial support, emotional support, physical support, time...But when the child is in the BM's care, she is with a babysitter??!! How is that in the best interest of the child. Just because a woman gives birth to a child does not automatically make her the best parent.

You keep calling men "weak minded" but some BMs are weak-minded too. If they weren't, there would be no need to play such games. If they weren't weak-minded, the BMs would be strong enough to support themselves and not rely upon the BDs check.

[shorty do]

youknowwhatitis. guuuurrrrl i feel your pain but from what i'm gathering from your dialog it's more about the new person in his life. babygurl you truly have to let that go. sowhat if he is going to someone other than you for outside advice. he needs to vent like you do. again in my case oh yeah i'm gonna put my DH up on game. there is no way possible i will sit around and allow someone to control his life and that include common knowledge of the cs system, his RIGHTS as being a man, father and human being. My DH has went through alot in the last few years. he lost his mom, lost weight, depression show it's ugly face and almost tore us apart due this BM drama BS. You need to understand that yes it hurts, yes it's unfair to all parties involved BUT you have to get life of your own. Pray about gurl, cast all your worries onto the Lord. He will carry you during your trouble times

[youknowwhatitis]

I speak for myself and all BM's like me. Self-sufficient but gon make da*n sure we get what our child is entitled too. They may call that "greed" down south but upstate "it's handling business. Maybe our mentality's just clash. I handle's mine, and anything I get from BD is a help not my means to my whole existence. If BM got enough game to get that much and don't keep the kids that much and he is stupid enough to allow her...what can I do. He made that choice, but most children prefer to be with their mom especially small children. But once they are 13 they should be old enough to choose. There are bad apples in every bunch, race, socioeconomic background etc. But there are a lot of good BM's who handle their business for and about their kids and I WILL ALWAYS REPRESENT THEM. Far more good BM's than good BD's. Most lawyers concur that when BD seeks custody it is 90% to avoid paying cs. I have a complete single mother handbook written by 2 psychologist's and they they are experts and they say the same thing. It was given to me by a public health nurse. Mainstream society is on the mother's side. Matter of fact I will post some excerpts from it.

[youknowwhatitis]

Shorty do there is no one that I know of in my Bd's life. I was just using that to say worst case scenario you have to protect you and your childs interests. If BD truly cares about child or it will show. I have proven my love and loyalty to my child. BD has not. It's not my fault it's choice..and choice reveals who and what you really are in most cases.

[nomoredrama]

Keia there are BMs who handle their business. I have (3) three sisters who were divorced with children. Neither of my sister's ran behind their ex-DH's for child support everytime he got an extra dime. Yes, my sisters received child support but they did not seek to destroy the man in the process. And, they are better for it. My sisters focused on themselves and raising their children. Point blank, they moved on with their lives and took care of their children with help from their ex-DH. None of my sisters had the BM mentality. They had a mothering mentality and taught their children the value of supporting themselves. Their children learned that hard work is the key to success, not a man with a hard peni$. The children learned how to roll up their sleeves and get to work. One sisters worked and put herself thru nursing school as a single mother with 3 children. She did not go back and forth with her ex-DH.

You keep stating what children are "entitled" to but children are entitled to the have the love and financial support of BOTH parents. And, the BD should not have to kiss to the BMs butt to have time with his child. In fact, children are entitled to love and support of extended family as well.

Do you let your son see his father's mother and sister now by the way? I hope that you have learned to let your anger go in that situation. You must think of the best interest of your child.

[shortydo]

youknowwhatitis.. i will lay off. Basically we're all on here to supprt eachother whether it's harsh advice or common knowledge. as long as you feel your doing the right thing everything else should fall into place for you and only you. if your child is old enough- talk to him/her find out what's really good. Kids should have a say too or at least be able to feel comfortable to express their opinons about the situation.

[nomoredrama]

Trust me Shorty, youknowwhatitis can handle her own. Keia may say some things that I believe are outlandish, but then some things that she says that are on the mark too (Don't let it go to your head Keia ). I call her our resident BM. On the real though, I enjoy having her on the board even though she pisses me off sometimes. She keeps the board interesting. And we go at it sometimes. Don't get offended or take it personally.

[shortydo]

i hear that tellit. this topic really upsets me but i also understand we all have different outlooks on it. to keep it really real youknowwhatitis was stating to work my nerves...lol

[destini1969]

Welcome to the board Shortydo.. Not all BMs are crazy like Keia1!

Like Tellit's siblings, I divorced when my daughter was young and never pressured my ex-husband for child support nor visitation. He was more interested in trying to make the failed marriage work when all I wanted was for him to spend time with his daughter. With the Grace of God, my daughter turned out to be an awesome young lady and I NEVER spoke against her father, NEVER! That's because my child's overall well-being was far more important than money, revenge, deceit, entitlement sickness, etc.

My heart goes out to those children that are being raised by tacky BMs! Like Tellit said, thank God for "biological clocks" because those desperate BMs will be left standing!

[gemmani]

There is NO reason why BM can't get up and BETTER HERSELF instead of being a mooch and living on BD's money. What is THAT showing the kids? That if you can trap a man with a baby, you'll be paid and won't have to work? No need to improve yourself. Can't make ends meet? Forget getting a better job or learning how to budget your money. Just run to court! I think the KIDS should be learning how to fend for themselves by seeing their parents do what they have to do and learning from that. I think the KIDS deserve to be able to see their dad, instead of him having to work extra jobs just to pay cs. Youknowwhatitis, you are only seeing things from your viewpoint, which is quite limited. Learn to step outside of your own situation and realize that there are some very grimey people in this world, and you can't defend them. You can't package it up all nice and neat talking about it's for the kids. BULLSH*T. I have witnessed some ish you wouldn't believe, and there's NO WAY IN HELL that it was anything but a bunch of selfish acts. And you know its bad when you have a 4-year old commenting on his mother about how she doesn't care about them, she only wants to yell and scream about daddy. (And NO, we do not talk about their mom at all. I remember when my family used to do it to me about my mom and how it made me mad. Plus, we don't like to talk about her, messes up the karma in the house.) You just can't defend them all.

[gemmani]

And I'm not saying she (BM in my life) doesn't deserve cs. Hell yeah she does, she has 3 kids! But there's a difference between need and greed. She doesn't get it.