Female mentality

[Alissa]

What makes some women think that because they have a child with a man that they can dictate every detail of his life. What makes a woman think that just because a man has a child with her is obligated to just only be with her. Why do some women react with jealousy when they discover their BD has a new woman. Why don't some women fight for the cs their child deserves? Why don't some women use the cs for the needs of the child? Why do some BD's feels like once they have a child by a woman she's always going to want him?

[nomoredrama]

Some women believe in fairy tales but they get it backwards....In the fairy tales, the woman meets the man, they fall madly in love, get married, have children and live happily ever after. Some baby mamas meet the man, they fall in L-U-S-T, they have sex, and have a child(ren)...Baby Mama Drama soon follows. In the case of ex-wives, some become upset because their fantasy did not play out the way they dreamed it.

Some men and women feel that a child will keep them connected forever. Women just happen to feel the connection a lot stronger than some men.

[destini1969]

Closing my mouth! The real tellit told it!

[memyslfni]

Whoop there it is!

[georgiapeach]

From my observation people from different places have different mentality's. Most women feel that if a man helped her make it then he should help her take care of the baby. If it doesn't go right some women get hung up on what he's not doing instead of focusing her energy on doing what's best for her and the child. Me I have always done what's best for me and mine. And people got mad and started hating and carrying on and out trying to spite me because of it but in the end I'm still successful, my child stay's fly, clean, in parents as teachers, goes to a top of the line daycare and receives much love, support and admiration from me. Plus I made sure I got what "we" are entitled to from his dad. We will ALWAYS be alright and I make sure of that and always will. With him or without him we gone live life to the fullest no MAN takes away my JOY. If he does it's momentarily...weeping endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning. Amen to that.

[gemmani]

There are certain facts that should not be changed. If a man and woman have a baby, they should both be responsible for it. They should both spend time with the child. They should both be financially supporting the child. It's all these other "beliefs" that cause the drama. Like, if he's not with me, then he can't see his child. Or that he should never be free to pursue another relationship. Or that if he has so much as an extra DOLLAR, the BM should get it. It's all very selfish. The drama is rarely about the kids as it is about the ADULTS. The ADULTS aren't putting aside their bitterness for the children. A female want to take her BD to court for more money because she wants to "get him for everthing he has". Why? Is that helping the child when Daddy doesn't even have enough money to have them over, let alone pay his bills? When will these females (and males in some cases) GROW UP???

[memyslfni]

Welcome to BMD gemmani! You put the icing on the cake with that last one. I think Im gonna print that out and put it on the back of my t-shirt!

[goddess]

I agree that both parents should financially support the child but what you all are failing to see is that parenting is just that lop-sided. If the child lives with dad and dad does all the day to day care, doctor's appts, activities, feeding, changing and getting dressed in addition to what he has to do for himself plus has to financially support the child isn't that a lot for 1 person. So if mom pays support and get's the children occasionally who is doing the most work. DAD IS AS WELL AS FOOTING THE BILL FOR THINGS FOR THE CHILD. Mom on the other hand is doing the least and doesn't have to deal with the attitudes, tantrums, teacher's complaints etc. Parenting is lop-sided for a lot of single parents. CS helps out it doesn't even up the score. As well as if the parents can't get along they will argue over every little minute detail of the childs life and that will be no good for anyone. We don't live in a perfect world. Usually it's the father's who walk away from the children and responsibility not the mom's that is why men find it hard to catch a break in court history does not support them. I guarantee you there are more single mom's in the US than single dads. And any single dad will understand the plight of a single mom or mom with a dead beat azz husband.

[tienee]

I believe that some BM have the idea of being a parent twisted when cs is involved. Some BM think that The BD should take care of the financial side of things because in most cases the mother is the custodial parent and they are there for the most part, but i think thats the wrong frame of mind to have especially when the bd supports his child in every possible there is. if both of them laid down and a child was the result everything(love, support, finaces etc.) sholud be 50/50 regardless of their situation and regardless of where either of them resides.unfortunately that is a fantasy

[gemmani]

Thanks memyslnfi! I like this board alot, you get to see all the different sides of "BMD". The problem with arguing day-to-day caring vs. financial responsibility is that id the NCP is giving almost their whole paycheck to th CP, what money does that leave the NCP in terms of caring for the child? Let's not forget, alot of men WANT to care for their kids and WANT to see them everyday. But when you have a bitter BM who wants nothing more than to "nail him to the wall", he has to get 2nd and 3rd jobs JUST TO KEEP A ROOF OVER HIS HEAD, let alone being able to care for the kids. My fiance picks up his kids EVERY WEEKEND. He was paying her $1800 a month ($450/week) until today's court hearing. She decides she wants more, his support went up to almost $700 a week. THEN she complains that he should take them more. WTF??? How? With what money? I agree with Tienee, it would be awesome if everything was 50/50. The reason she wanted more support is because she keeps them with babysitters (her words). Meanwhile, now my fiance has to get more jobs so she can....support the sitter? Bullsh*t.

[memyslfni]

For real, how is a man suppose to get his child and spend time when he dont have a dollar in his own pocket because of the bm's needs. Currently my dh is unemployed, so when he gets his child the bm always trying to offer him gas money, spending money or whatever just so he spends his planned day with them. I'm like ur complaining about cs but offering to do things for him financially, how stupid are you...I've learned in this trying relationship that a person will do just about anything to feel needed. My bm loves it when my dh is short on bread, cuz she is quick to come with the band-aid (can I help u with anything?). And whats sad is that I have to be the one to break him out of the habit of taking her handouts because I know its hard to say no when someone offers assistance (Plus he's a man and doesnt see the evil in it). Its funny because I have a bd and there is no way in hell that Im coming out my pockets for him to spend time with his child..d**n that! B!*$% if its that serious for him to spend time with his kids then let him bring them to our home (around me). Because obviously he dont have the money to take them somewhere all the time.

[nomoredrama]

Germanni, tell your fiance not to let the BM know that he is getting a second job. She will haul his butt in for more child support saying that he has extra income now. It is a shame but when dealing with greedy BMs like that, secrecy is the name of the game. If you don't mind me asking, do you live in CA? Your fiance must be making major money to pay the BM almost $2800 in child support. Does the BM even have a job? Probably not with tax free money coming in every month.

[youknowwhatitis]

First of all ladies I think some of you have it twisted. It's not the BM's needs it's the Childrens needs. BM has to have a life too just like BD has to have a roof over his head too. For every action their is a reaction. Gemmani I don't think that it is bullsh*t about your bf having to pay more support from the amount that he is paying he has to have multiple kids with that woman and trust me multiple kids cost. She probably needs sitter's for a sanity break. I'm not saying I don't sympathize with your bf.....but when will men understand that their needs are NOT above the needs of the children. Some people keep saying because of the BM's needs so it's because of the childrens needs. Men need to understand that most women with common sense know how much money they can get in child support before they have a child with that man. Not because she's scheming but just in case it doesn't work out she needs to know that her child will be taken care of. A lot of dads once they are no longer with that woman place those kids on the backburner. My dad did a lot more than the average dad did for me when I was younger but I was still on the backburner.

Lets just think what if cs laws changed and everything was 50/50 would things improve hell no! All hell would break lose as andry parents break out the calculators and harass each other about who needs to pay their half. Lord forbid one of them gets sick or laid off. It is just that a fantasy. The greed a lot of time is not on the BM's end I believe with good evidence from things I have seen that the greed is on the BD's end in most cases. Now you all may have exceptional men who don't fall in that end of the spectrum but thanks to the cruddy men who do they are catching a bad break.

[shortydo]

you must be the BM from hell youknowwhatitis.. i think the system would be a little easier if Cs was split in half. again i understand your logic about the woman should get what she deserve but my question is who is to say what she deserves. Again it's about the kids. Why don't the court system make it there business to talk to the kids to get their input on the whole situation. yes BM run the show (most of the time) but who is to say what is really going on behind close doors. One of my friends depised her daughter b/c she look and act like her dad so much so she took most of her anger she had towards him out on the baby. Is it really about the childs need..inquiring minds want to know..

[memyslfni]

Thats selfish when a bm takes her anger for the father out on the child. I can only imagine if she does get child support, Who is it actually supporting HER NEEDS or the CHILDS needs..sHE PRObably feels it should be her money, besides whos gonna pay her psyche BILL. :oLOL