|
|
Post by tienee on Aug 22, 2008 9:13:00 GMT -5
last week my husbands mother became ill, so he went to stay with her rotating with his sister until his mother was well enough to be on her own. His bm called and i told her where she could find him. he called me on 3-way so i could record the conversation. She asked when he was coming to get their daughter and he told her due to his mother being sick she couldn't have any kids around so he'd have to see her during the week the same thing he'd told his daughter when his mother was in the hospital. She then asked if he wanted to see her she could just stop by and he could come outside. i started to bust out laughing but i coulldn't be cause the recorder was going. I found it to be funny cause she was playing a role trying to see him since i wasn't around. On the days he works on the weekend and i'm in school he asked her to drop his daughter off at his mother's so that after he got of of work we could go pick her up and she told him it was out of her way even though it's only 2 miles away. when he asks her to drop her off to our house she always has some excuse. of why she can't. the day before he went to his mothers house he asked if she could drop her off because it was her turn to do so and she states that her license were suspended. i thought she was lying so i looked it up and they were. but soon as he she knew that i was home with the kids and i couldn't be there she was willing to drive on a suspended license to go see him.
|
|
|
|
Post by gemmani on Aug 22, 2008 10:15:25 GMT -5
Ha....sneaky wench. I don't get the hot/cold thing. One minute, they hate BD and can't stand him, then the next, they are offering to do things because they want to be around him. One weekend, we ended up not getting the kids on our normal friday because BM was taking them to the circus (SHOCKER!!!!!). They were coordinating back and forth about getting the kids afterwards, but she just kept saying that she had an extra ticket for him and he should go with them. She actually had her father come by to drop the ticket off, saying he should come alone so it can be family day (hint hint, much?). My fiance refused to take it. Now, I didn't mention that 2 days before, she was screaming at him about the kids' clothes and about the fact that he doesn't go to their house to visit them. (??) Okay, one day he's the worst, and the next she wants to have "family day". I just don't get it. Whatever.
|
|
|
|
Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 22, 2008 15:59:54 GMT -5
Benefit of the doubt maybe she just wants the kids to do something with their real family for a chance her, him and them.......nothing wrong with that if it's innocent the kids do need to have some memories of doing things with both their parents. I don't........but I wish I did. Long as it's not too much and he checks in with you.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 22, 2008 16:04:50 GMT -5
Benefit of the doubt maybe she just wants the kids to do something with their real family for a chance her, him and them.......nothing wrong with that if it's innocent the kids do need to have some memories of doing things with both their parents. I don't........but I wish I did. Long as it's not too much and he checks in with you. if they gone be doin all that, they may as well have stayed together. in my opinion doing things together is unneccesary. he is family with his children, not her. i will admit that my sons father and i did the first couple of holidays and his birthdays together with our son. but that was mainly becuz both of us were still single during our sons early years(i met my now husband when my son was 3y.o). however, if either my sons father or i were in a relationship, none of that would have happened. its nice to do if you can, but when you start dating and being with other people, different rules apply |
|
|
|
Post by mex1111 on Aug 22, 2008 16:10:01 GMT -5
You know what, I think it has alot to do with her still having feelings for him. Like Daddyinpdx said, most of the time the BM still loves him when he is in a new relationship. I can see her feelings (whatever they may be) dragging out for a looong time, 'til someone else falls in love with her/she falls in love with new person. Like everyone has mentioned, BM wanted the happily ever after so badly! Being left out in the cold is difficult, especially for someone who cannot accept rejection.. Some women won't get over it...
I don't know..
|
|
|
|
Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 22, 2008 16:10:16 GMT -5
Tienee,
There will be a lot of mind boggling discoveries that you will experience in the presence of such "bizzare" BM behavior. This BM is still in love with your Husband. The two of you appear to be a united front which is also evidence that your husband is in harmony with you.
This is a good sign as it is always a success when couples come togther to come against the "foolish" behavior that BM bring about.
One word of causion is to be very supportive to your guy, because this BM is waiting in the shadows for the prime oppurtunity to strike with the dagger of "lust"
She's goanna wear provocative clothing, call and throw sexual inuendos, send spontaneous email's that are out of place. These are all tactics of persuasion that most vindictive women use to disarm the man for defeat.
When the BD's new woman or spouse loves on him, respects, and supports him, its builds a defense against the subtle games of the BM. This allows for the husband to see that he really has a good thing at home and doesn't to subject himself to such foolishness. He should also see a stark contrast between his rib and his BM.
Husbands often times back track only when his spouse is just as dramatic as his BM. It's like the two are "evil twins", so he alternates between the two woman to obtain peace in a dysfunctional setting.
No offense to the women on this board. You all are lovely ladies with good intentions.
I'm just sharing a male perspective on the BM situation.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 22, 2008 16:15:37 GMT -5
No offense to the women on this board. You all are lovely ladies with good intentions. I'm just sharing a male perspective on the BM situation. none taken. you are right. i never gave into the BM drama that we used to have so long ago, but i didnt do it just becuz i didnt feel like it. i hate drama and negativity. i run the other direction. so i was no fun for the BM to play with. she soon gave up, well not soon, but eventually. i tried to always support him and any ranting and raving i did, i did with a friend or my sister or somebody. never with my now husband. i think most of the women on this board use this as an outlet as to not bring drama to our household. we vent here and go home and love on our boyfriend/fiance/husband  |
|
|
|
Post by mex1111 on Aug 22, 2008 16:15:56 GMT -5
Benefit of the doubt maybe she just wants the kids to do something with their real family for a chance her, him and them.......nothing wrong with that if it's innocent the kids do need to have some memories of doing things with both their parents. I don't........but I wish I did. Long as it's not too much and he checks in with you. I agree with that. My mom tried for a while, and still tries. Mainly she tries to get him to visit us instead of us visiting him, so that my younger brother won't have to see his dad's new family... I think his wife is not letting him visit though, just because she was venomous from the beginning. REgaurdless.. If he can suck up his dislike for his BM and take the kids out with her, it can be beneficial. I still remember the ONE day he visited us since he left my mom. We ate a meal together, and sat on the porch. He didn't talk about his new wife, or how he cheated. He pretended everything was allright... I was mad at that, but it turned out to be a nice day for me to remember. Just a stress free day with our dad. He just needs to make sure she doesn't get her hopes up. I know my mom still loves my dad, but he's been so rude to her that she doesn't want him back. Of course, he was never rude to her in front of US. |
|
|
|
Post by tienee on Aug 22, 2008 16:39:34 GMT -5
I don't give her the benefit of the doubt because she's tried things like this before and i seriously doubt that she's in love with him, before he started his career he was working for temp company's and i stood by him and she told him that he was never going to amount to anything and he wasn't worth the wal- mart jeans she had on her behind. Now he has a career and he making money and she see's it and she wants because every week she needs something
|
|
|
|
Post by mex1111 on Aug 22, 2008 17:14:21 GMT -5
OHhh snap, that's messed up! She's WRONG for that!
There's a song by Daddy Yankee called "Ella Me Levanto" that discusses this. I think it applies to alot of the BM/BD drama situations on here! It's also just got a good beat... Check it out on youtube!
He says...
You let me fall, but she lifted me up. Call her a weak woman, but she lifted me up.
You failed me, abused me, played around, She revived me.
You left me, now it's too late. She rescued me.
She cleaned my wounds on time, she healed my suffering.
As much as she cries for me, I will never leave the girl that tells me that she loves me.
Cry girl, cry cry
now you see how things are
cry girl, cry cry
heyy tell me who is laughing now
cry girl, cry cry
those who play stay alone
...
and that story doesn't go out of style
You left and threw me on the ground, but she lifted me up.
You left me like a dead dog, but she lifted me up.
Good Bye! (good-bye) (bye)
|
|
|
|
Post by gemmani on Aug 25, 2008 8:12:34 GMT -5
In our situation, there is no "benefit of the doubt". When people show me who they are, I believe them. BM has already shown herself to be a venomous, manipulating, self-centerd person.
Daddyinpdx, you made a very good point. After pick up/ drop offs, my fiance is always more appreciative of me because he just finished witnessing more of BM's "personality". Oh well. Thanks for sharing the male's view point. I think seeing the perspective of all sides of BMD will help.
|
|
|
|
Post by cloudy752001 on Aug 25, 2008 14:20:05 GMT -5
In no shape, form nor fashion should parents who have split apart practice this so-called "family day." For what? It confuses the children and makes friction between the significant other (if there is one.) Whether there is someone else in the picture or not, a "family day" is not what is needed because that's not the REAL situation. Divorce and seperation is a common thing thses days and many children understand it more than in the early days. So once again, there is no need for "family days." If it's really over, then a "family day" is not negotiable for either party. The only person that should be getting time is the children. That BM or BD can go enjoy their day without the kids for a change or do something productive with themselves.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 25, 2008 14:54:22 GMT -5
In no shape, form nor fashion should parents who have split apart practice this so-called "family day." For what? It confuses the children and makes friction between the significant other (if there is one.) Whether there is someone else in the picture or not, a "family day" is not what is needed because that's not the REAL situation. Divorce and seperation is a common thing thses days and many children understand it more than in the early days. So once again, there is no need for "family days." If it's really over, then a "family day" is not negotiable for either party. The only person that should be getting time is the children. That BM or BD can go enjoy their day without the kids for a change or do something productive with themselves. I agree and disagree with this. if both parents have an understanding and aint neither one on garbage AND NEITHER HAS A SIGNIFICANT OTHER to consider, there is no issue. In my situation, there was no harm in celebrating our sons 1st bday together with our child. There was nothing wrong with my sons father coming over for Christmas bringing gifts for our son to open and we watched him do that together. That was healthy for our child. It set the tone for the type of relationship that our son sees between his mother and his father til this day. He doesnt miss that we dont do those things together now, he knows mommy and daddy get along great, and his stepfather is a great part of the equation as well. If both parents are mature adults and not stepping on significant others toes, no harm no foul. |
|
|
|
Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 25, 2008 15:39:25 GMT -5
In no shape, form nor fashion should parents who have split apart practice this so-called "family day."
I also disagree. This practice does work when two mature and loving parents strive to work out the differences. The benefits are:
1. It shows the children that both parents have the common sense necessary to come together for the sake of the children.
2. That divorce was not the kids fault.
3. Gives the children best of both worlds because they can reach out the both sides of the family.
4. It difuses the tensions that flair in divorced families. Children see a more positive image of family that also motivates them to open up more and grow productively.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 25, 2008 16:01:27 GMT -5
daddyinpdx, EXACTLY. i have from day one strived for our son to see a healthy relationship between his father and i all the way up to and including my wedding day. My sons father was there in full support and i would not have had it any other way. ((now BD attending DH bachelor party, well, that was some personal shyt that had nothing to do with them bonding, but moreso them lusting together after some hot tail.  LOL)) but nonetheless, he(my son) sees the benefit of both parents loving him and now his stepfather loves him just the same and he gets to see how my BD and DH have bonded with one another. you cannot get more healthier than that for a child, but it only works when both parents are mature and both parents are thinking of the child first. |
|
LOL)) but nonetheless, he(my son) sees the benefit of both parents loving him and now his stepfather loves him just the same and he gets to see how my BD and DH have bonded with one another. you cannot get more healthier than that for a child, but it only works when both parents are mature and both parents are thinking of the child first.