|
|
Post by gemmani on Feb 25, 2009 12:30:44 GMT -5
Wow. I hope that episode shows you what you need to do. People who pity themselves never thinks it's their fault. Taking $300 isn't a big deal? Okay then, how many bills could you have paid with that money? How much groceries could you have bought for your children? If he doesn't think it's a big deal, then I guess him taking $1000 next time won't be a big deal either.
Like someone else said, you are not arguing with him, you are arguing with his addiction. Addictions are not logical and can't be reasoned with. The whole 'woe is me' thing tells me that he feels helpless about the situation. If he's feeling helpless, then he d**n sure isn't going to help himself. Please start forming your exit plan. Remember, we aren't talking forever, but on THIS DAY, you need to get your kids away. They see more than you think they do.
|
|
|
|
Post by slick on Feb 25, 2009 12:39:22 GMT -5
Remember, we aren't talking forever, but on THIS DAY, you need to get your kids away. They see more than you think they do. ITA!! |
|
omg
New Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by omg on Feb 25, 2009 12:44:15 GMT -5
You all are right. I do feel him doing coke is a form of adultery. He uses that as a excuse-"it's not like I cheated on you" but I feel as betrayed as if he did.I do feel it is his choice to do this-however I also believe somewhat that it becomes a real sickness but it all starts with the choice of starting these drugs. Drugs are evil and tear families apart. No one can tell me anything I don’t already know about them. I lived it first hand with parents who did them. I saw my beautiful wonderful mother do and become something that was NOT her. Its scary and ugly and you can ONLY change if you are that passionate about doing so
|
|
|
|
Post by slick on Feb 25, 2009 12:47:32 GMT -5
Your mom got clean? How did she do it?
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 12:57:18 GMT -5
You all are right. I do feel him doing coke is a form of adultery. He uses that as a excuse-"it's not like I cheated on you" but I feel as betrayed as if he did.I do feel it is his choice to do this-however I also believe somewhat that it becomes a real sickness but it all starts with the choice of starting these drugs. Drugs are evil and tear families apart. No one can tell me anything I don’t already know about them. I lived it first hand with parents who did them. I saw my beautiful wonderful mother do and become something that was NOT her. Its scary and ugly and you can ONLY change if you are that passionate about doing so Yeah, drugs are no joke and once a person is hooked...well, you know the rest. My BD and his brother and sister are all "trick babies" if you know what I mean. So he grew up watching his Mom high off drugs before they actually took her kids away from her. She did however get clean after years of addiction, went back to school got her GED, her Bachelors, and was in school for her Masters when she died a sudden death back in 2004. |
|
|
|
Post by memyslfni on Feb 25, 2009 13:05:19 GMT -5
Omg, please dont let the thought of becoming less of a woman/wife if you dont stand by ur husband in dealing with this issue....Cuz At this point what its boiling down to is either A. Being less a woman to your husband OR B. Less of a mother to your children. Your kids already have 1 dysfunctional parent, Dont let yourself be taken by this illness as well. He has to want to fix it, all you can do is provide the resources. Omg, what u really need to consider is how many chances do you need to give this man before he gets on a straighten arrow?? If you ask me, your husband must really think he got it like that to keep effin up...  This man needs to truly love himself before he can truly love you. |
|
|
|
Post by gemmani on Feb 25, 2009 13:07:53 GMT -5
Omg, what u really need to consider is how many chances do you need to give this man before he gets on a straighten arrow?? If you ask me, your husband must really think he got it like that to keep effin up... This man needs to truly love himself before he can truly love you. I totally, completely agree with this statement. |
|
|
|
Post by slick on Feb 25, 2009 13:13:05 GMT -5
You all are right. I do feel him doing coke is a form of adultery. He uses that as a excuse-"it's not like I cheated on you" but I feel as betrayed as if he did.I do feel it is his choice to do this-however I also believe somewhat that it becomes a real sickness but it all starts with the choice of starting these drugs. Drugs are evil and tear families apart. No one can tell me anything I don’t already know about them. I lived it first hand with parents who did them. I saw my beautiful wonderful mother do and become something that was NOT her. Its scary and ugly and you can ONLY change if you are that passionate about doing so Yeah, drugs are no joke and once a person is hooked...well, you know the rest. My BD and his brother and sister are all "trick babies" if you know what I mean. So he grew up watching his Mom high off drugs before they actually took her kids away from her. She did however get clean after years of addiction, went back to school got her GED, her Bachelors, and was in school for her Masters when she died a sudden death back in 2004. Wow jaylady..... |
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 13:31:59 GMT -5
Girl yes, her story was certainly "book worthy". Its some of the reason I exercize patience with BD with regards to the multitude of women that cross his path. He's never gotten that maternal love from his Mom until he was an adult, but by then....psychological damage already done Sorta of the same type of situation when a girl never had her daddy there to love her and she lashes out by being sexually free with a bunch of different men.  |
|
omg
New Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by omg on Feb 25, 2009 13:32:52 GMT -5
SLICK-yes my mom did and she was addicted to crack of all the things-the worst of the worst. Actually when I was little my parents both did it, but I didn’t know b.c they still kept it together. I saw the real repercussions (spelling?) hit when my dad passed away when I was 11. Actually a little before that but at that point they were arguing he went out and ended up in a fight at a bar that killed him. My mom to this day cannot live with herself and after that she fell apart. I didn’t see the worst b/c I had already got sent to live with an uncle but she kept my little brother who ended up getting taken away and is now in prison since before 28 yrs old. My mom was in prison off and on my teenage years, I was VERY much effected by this and my mom was my everything, it hurt so much when I found out she prostituted and was dating crack heads and had no focus of me 7 my brother. I just wanted my family back, I lost my mom, my dad and my brother all at once. Only someone who has been there can know how bad that hurts. My mom made promises she couldn’t keep but all the while she wrote me 24/7 and I knew how much she loved me, I have seen it all-my mom was on crack almost steady from the age I was 11 until maybe 21. In & out of prison, stealing and selling things, lying to me to get our rent money for crack, I could go on & on. She was at the rock bottom-she had every CADS, treatment, AA, sponsor bible study and she always ended up back at square one until SHE said one day I am DONE with this. I don’t want this life-honestly I think God helped her. I pray all the time and my prayers are always answered so to say I will become weak or let his habbit tear me down is impossible. I am me and I stay strong. There isn’t a thing I haven’t been through. My kids will always have a good mom and hopefully a good dad if he can fix this. He hasn’t given me half as much as my mom...he has s chance to do better-he isn’t even on a level of no return yet but it could closely get there. I know better then to enable someone. Maybe that’s why I am so mean about it, I will not have it in my life-there are no options. Its never okay, but I know he can stop and I don’t believe all that meetings and blah blah do anything. I know it doesn’t, I watched my mothers go through it.
|
|
omg
New Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by omg on Feb 25, 2009 13:35:42 GMT -5
"Girl yes, her story was certainly "book worthy". Its some of the reason I exercize patience with BD with regards to the multitude of women that cross his path. He's never gotten that maternal love from his Mom until he was an adult, but by then....psychological damage already done
Sorta of the same type of situation when a girl never had her daddy there to love her and she lashes out by being sexually free with a bunch of different men."
DH never had his mom there either, BUT I never had my dad (step dad until 11 but nothing after) and I have never did the whole sexually free thing. I think it just depends on your mind strength, you can either deal with things and overcome them or you let them overcome you
|
|
|
|
Post by chalan on Feb 25, 2009 13:40:50 GMT -5
Omg~ If you know the consequences of this addiction, why would you want you kids around that? Regardless if they see it or not, they are around it. Your children are smart; didn’t you say he asked why do you keep giving DH so many chances?
|
|
|
|
Post by memyslfni on Feb 25, 2009 13:43:48 GMT -5
I'm sorry OMG, but you appear to be in denial about not being the enabler....This man not only had 1 but 2 children with BM while you were married (thats 2 strikes). Now he's doing coke !!!(strike 3) He obviously hasnt stopped the non-sense that BM brings, but now he brings this??? Oh, hell to the NO....Ur either in DENIAL or You are afraid to lose him to BM....maybe both  |
|
omg
New Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by omg on Feb 25, 2009 13:49:19 GMT -5
"I'm sorry OMG, but you appear to be in denial about not being the enabler....This man not only had 1 but 2 children with BM while you were married (thats 2 strikes). Now he's doing coke !!!(strike 3) He obviously hasnt stopped the non-sense that BM brings, but now he brings this??? Oh, hell to the NO....Ur either in DENIAL or You are afraid to lose him to BM....maybe both"
First off he had NO kids with BM while married to me, we JUST got married a year ago. In denial-ummm? No not really, I know I probably make him think its easier b/c he has access to do the coke but I don’t allow it and he knows where I stand with it, he knows I wont hesitate to kick him out and let him handle his won problems. Ive done it before no reason to not do it again except that is not MY choice at this point. I am not going to just boot him out and say see ya-hope ya get better. LOL! Not my style. As far as afraid of loosing him to her, I do think he would run to her IF I did kick him out but that would just be something if I got to the point of kicking him out that I would adapt to. If I lost all my belief in him and kicked him out I surely would care that he went there. Of course it would be devastating but I can deal
|
|
|
|
Post by memyslfni on Feb 25, 2009 14:03:27 GMT -5
Ok, so you married him after you kicked him out twice and he went and got BM knocked up both those times....And you married him a year ago...WHY?? Sounds like you just dont want her to win...and u need to let that go. Why did you have to get a warrant for her rediculous phone calls? This is something your husband should have done, his bm not yours. Not trying to be a @itch OMG, but I'm also not going to tell you what you want to hear...  |
|
This man needs to truly love himself before he can truly love you.
