Last words for you, stop fighting on the board.Take the time to find/call for some help that you are willing to take. Inaction and negativity are just going to make things worse. Your bishop did tell you to come to church, have you been? Don't be afraid of constructive criticism,no one is trying to bring you down. You are probably extra sick today,knowing it is the weekend and not knowing what to expect from DH. I hope that you have taken care of securing your funds and his too, and that you have a peaceful weekend.
here is yet another article for you...
How Can I Bring Up the Subject With the Substance User? Will the Discussion Make the Situation Worse?
People often worry that initiating a discussion will lead the person with the problem to take drastic steps. They might make a scene in front of other family members, move out of the house, drop out of school, drink or use other drugs even more and hide it from everyone, or retaliate against them or other family members.
However, you might find the conversation to be a wonderfully productive experience. Perhaps the person simply hasn't noticed behavior changes, or didn't realize that his or her substance use was a problem or was causing problems. And, without change, the problems may become so severe that the same drastic outcomes can result.
Following a few guidelines will help you have a discussion:
* Don't bring up the subject when the person is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. When people are high, they are less able to understand logic and are more likely to be impatient, dismissive, angry, and blaming. Some people have poor impulse control and may act irrationally or violently.
* Don't be under the influence of substances yourself.
* Establish a time to talk when the two of you can have more than a few minutes alone. Your goal is to have a dialogue — a two-way conversation in which you can state your concerns and understand the person's perception of the situation. Ask if you can set a time to speak in the next few days to discuss something on your mind. If the person responds by saying, "Now is fine," tell them you'd prefer to set time aside and not be interrupted.
* When you meet, tell your family member that you care and it's this concern that led you to have this conversation.
* List the behaviors you've observed. State that you are worried about the effect drinking or drug use is having. Express concern about continued use.
* Create a two-way dialogue so the person doesn't feel lectured or badgered.
* If the person states that there is definitely no problem, ask to talk again at some point in the future. Your goal is not to convince the person that there is a problem, but to let them know that you believe there is one and that your belief is based on observable behaviors.
* Don't try to speculate or explore motives. It can sidetrack you from the main point.
* Don't expect a dramatic shift in thinking or behavior right away; this conversation may be the first time the person has thought about this problem.
If the problem has only occurred over a short period of time, or has not reached a severe stage, it is possible that the person could successfully cut back on the use of alcohol or other drugs. If the person has not tried cutting back, you could suggest this strategy as a first step. Some people in the risky or abuse stages of substance use, or even in the early stage of addiction, are able to cut back and consistently use only minimal amounts in the future.
You may find, though — as many do — that people who can cut back are the exception, not the rule. Many people try to cut down and discover that they can't. Or, they can only cut back for a few days or a few weeks and then they resume heavy or excessive use. Trying to cut down and failing may help the person realize that the problem is more extensive than once thought.
You may also find that the person is able to stop completely. But many addicts have tried this strategy and couldn't stop or remain abstinent for any significant time. Ideally, the person should be assessed by a professional who can determine the best course of action depending on the severity of the problem and the medical, psychological and social history. If you sense the person is willing to consider that there is a problem, suggest that an evaluation or a consultation with a trusted medical or mental health professional. (This suggestion may be too threatening for some people during a first conversation of this kind.)
To talk with others struggling with similar issues, contact Al-Aanon, a Twelve-Step organization providing help to family members of alcoholics. Meetings, which are widely available and free of charge, can be found by calling 1-888-4AL-ANON or visiting
www.al-anon.org/alalist_usa.html
THANKS!
Whatever though. It is your world. ;D