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Post by ty1981 on Feb 25, 2009 14:03:56 GMT -5
OMG you are an enabler. You are afraid to be on your own. If you allow him to treat you like this he will. You have to show him that you mean business.
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 14:04:10 GMT -5
OMG~
I think its fine to stand by your man and try to help him through his issues, but (1) you cant help him through this, he has to help himself, and (2) when there are children involved, to me that should take presidence over anything else.
Just something to think about
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Post by memyslfni on Feb 25, 2009 14:17:19 GMT -5
OMG, before you go flying off the handle, getting defensive...You need to reread your original post and maybe you'll find the solution to your problem....  If i read it correctly it states "Why am i doing this to myself??" and "Why am i so forgiving??"....these are the signs of am Enabler. Honestly, U need to do things differently and stop being so darn forgiving of this man, cuz all your doing is hurting urself. You cant cry wolf and then turn around and defend him.... |
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omg
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Post by omg on Feb 25, 2009 14:54:40 GMT -5
If I was really bored, id sit here and argue with those of you who want to tell me about myself but not in the mood today-But thank you very much for those of you who genuinely wanted to help and gave me great advice through all the stress
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 14:58:57 GMT -5
OMG~ You've been on this site long enough to know the ladies here do not sugar coat anything. You've gotten great advice drawn from all of our experiences. Why the tone of your post are seeming that you are borderline defensive is a mystery to me.  |
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Post by slick on Feb 25, 2009 14:59:18 GMT -5
Girl yes, her story was certainly "book worthy". Its some of the reason I exercize patience with BD with regards to the multitude of women that cross his path. He's never gotten that maternal love from his Mom until he was an adult, but by then....psychological damage already done Sorta of the same type of situation when a girl never had her daddy there to love her and she lashes out by being sexually free with a bunch of different men.  Tell me about it....my SO's mom was manic depressive. He recently revealed in an "argument"-turned-dialogue-session that he didn't get any affection or warm words growing up. He just met his dad a few years ago when he turned 28. I was surprised when he said that because when that joker wants something, he's full of sweet words and affection....LOL! |
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Post by omg on Feb 25, 2009 15:08:07 GMT -5
Honestly it doesn’t matter, I got a lot of good advice on my situation and what to do with it but I surely don’t have time for people trying to tell me about myself b/c Im not doing what they SAY they would do or whatever. Like YOU said before...Im not about to sit un in here defending a man and a situation that’s really deeper then anything I can really get help within a chat room. Although I appreciate all the help that was given to me sincerely. End of story.I know which people on here are really caring, genuine, understading, not judgemental people who give out sound advice and there are those who think they know it all and got all the answers and sh*t bubblegum. It doesn’t matter though really, I don’t know these people its just another view of my situation that can help me evaluate what IM gonna do with my life
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 15:14:34 GMT -5
**note to self** never reply to OMG's asking of advice again.  |
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Post by chalan on Feb 25, 2009 15:17:47 GMT -5
Omg~ Chill out. You’re way off base there. I think everyone was being sincere in their response. You just didn’t like what said. Don’t take that nasty tone when people genuinely care and tell you the truth. I think out of all the responses, Memy was direct and straight with you. (Well she stood out for me). I agree completely with every thing she said but realized you’re in a precarious state and need to be handled with kid gloves. Most of us tried to reason with you to see the “light”. Sometimes a person needs to be slapped with the truth to wake up. I tried hugging you, now can I slap you? (My attempt at humor).
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 15:22:30 GMT -5
Sometimes a person needs to be slapped with the truth to wake up. I tried hugging you, now can I slap you? (My attempt at humor).
You succeeded. That was funny ;D. I dont think OMG was referring to me with her negative assumptions of the replies that she got, but as you said, ALL of the responses she got were from ladies who 'cyberlycare' about her and her wellbeing. She came out the bag on me one other time and I decided then not to ever post to her again, and I actually thought twice about it when she posted this thread, but I decided to try to give her words of encouragement.
People dont always tell us what we want to hear and in this case, she's been told things that she NEEDS to hear. But she is not ready. Just as her DH is addicted to drugs, she is addicted to him. She wont do what she needs to do until SHE is ready.
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Post by chalan on Feb 25, 2009 15:25:30 GMT -5
I know Jay. One more thing, I kinda consider this place like an extended network of friends.. You guys probably know way too much about me. Yeah I may not agree with all of you but I want the best for each of you. With that said…..
THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL, I WOULD TELL MY FRIEND TO STAY WITH A CRACK ADDICT OR AN A REPEAT CHEATER. In those cases, I guess I think more highly of that friend than they do themselves.
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 15:29:15 GMT -5
For sure Chalan. Thats for sure. I feel bad for OMG, but unfortunately she is going to have to deal with her internal issues and find the stregnth to make some pretty tough decisions
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Post by ty1981 on Feb 25, 2009 15:47:55 GMT -5
I'm so tired of OMG and her bullsh*t. No one said anything disrespectful to her. Most people were genuinely concerned for her. The reason that they have support groups for enablers is because that can become an addiction. One minute she is flying off the handle....the next min she is saying no no I want your advice. Well I for one am not going to comment on anymore of her bullsh*t. She was just in here the other day talking about her cousin that she had to tell the truth to and not what her cousin wanted to hear. Guess what most ppl in here call it like they see it. It is not personal.
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Post by memyslfni on Feb 25, 2009 16:01:07 GMT -5
Omg, I give you my promise to keep my thoughts of your sitch to myself from here on out......But if ever I should post a sitch of my own, please feel free to give me nothing but your honest to god opinion (even if you think i dont want to hear it ). If i come to you ladies with my issues, the last thing I expect is to be steered in the wrong direction. I dont mind tough love cuz most times its the truth. Which can be darn hard to handle on your own |
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 25, 2009 16:03:50 GMT -5
Not only that Memy, but others on the outside looking in can see things that you cant in your own sitch because you are just too close to it. I will ALWAYS go back to the sitch I had with BD's GF calling my phone when she was preggers(before she lost the baby). You ladies told me it was bad news(esp cough cough chalan cough cough) but because I was so close to the sitch and could remember a time when we were actually pretty cool, I couldnt see the potential harm. Then IT happened. Yall were right about it and I will never forget it. The advice given here are real personal experience and one could not pay for better unbiased advice. We really are lucky to have one another  |
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